Lois Flowers

I was listening to the radio a few weeks ago when the deejay said her son had asked her to teach him to drive. My ears perked up, since I had been doing that very thing with my daughter Molly for the last year.

The announcer shared how she was having trouble wrapping her head around the fact that her son was actually old enough to learn how to drive. Then, as all good deejays do, she asked her listeners for advice about teaching your kids to drive.

A lady called in and offered, as best as I can remember, the following thoughts:

“When they drive away for the first time by themselves, you realize they are really in God’s care,” she said. “You are involved with everything up to that point, now they are on their own.”

I didn’t disagree with a single word the caller said. But if I had gotten through on the radio station’s phone line, I would have given the announcer different advice.

I would have told her to start every driving session by warming up in a large parking lot.

That’s what I did with both of my girls, in the early days of our practice drives. It was like stretching before exercise, and it was as much for me as it was for them.

Begin with the end in mind—one of Steve Covey’s seven habits of highly effective people—is a good parenting philosophy. Our end goal, always, should be to raise functional, kind, God-fearing kids who can think for themselves, take care of themselves, and yes—cook a few meals and do their own laundry.

But in the day-to-day, parenting is much more, well, day-to-day. If you start any big milestone adventure by thinking about how you’re going to feel at the end, it can be overwhelming.

After warming up in the parking lot, my young driver and I would venture out on the residential streets nearby. We’d move on to four-lane city streets, eventually got up to going 75 miles per hour on the interstate and finally, driving at night—in the rain.

The radio announcer hadn’t even started driving with her son yet, so she was a long way from sending him off to drive by himself. First things first, I’d tell her. Here a little, there a little and pretty soon (or 50 hours later, in my family’s case), both you and your son will have the confidence he needs to back out of the driveway by himself.

Before older daughter Lilly started driving, I had no intention of being very involved in teaching her to drive. Randy taught her the basics of operating a vehicle, but after that, I assumed she’d take driver’s ed at the high school (like I did) and then get her license.

With this, like everything else in life, I had to learn to hold my expectations and plans loosely.

Lilly ended up logging many of the state-required practice hours shuttling us to the nursing home to visit my mom. She took a much-abbreviated driver’s ed course at the local community college, instead of the month-long session at the high school.

Younger sister Molly, who also learned the basics from Randy, started her mom-sponsored driving lessons during the pandemic shutdown last spring. It was eerie out on the sparsely populated roads, but it was also ideal for teaching a new, very cautious driver.

Driver’s ed at the high school filled up before we got in, so she took shorter course at the community college too. By that time, she was the most experienced driver in the class.

Plans change; we adapt. Not always well or without resistance, but we do.

The key, I’ve been learning this past year, is to take one day at a time. For me, that means not worrying about tomorrow. Not that I have perfected this or anything, but I’m trying.

As Samwise Gamgee told Frodo in The Return of the King, “Come on. Let’s just make it down the hill for starters.”

Molly got her driver’s license a few weeks ago. She’s not driving into the city on the interstate by herself, but she is taking herself to work and to our local library.

She’s in God’s care, as the radio caller said. When she makes it to the bottom of our driveway, for starters, and wherever she goes from there.

• • •

Whether you’re a parent or not, I’d love to hear your thoughts about the challenge of beginning with the end in mind while also taking life one day at a time.

♥ Lois

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee, Inspire Me Monday and Grace & Truth.