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Lois Flowers

Author Notes: “Spiritual Misfit” by Michelle DeRusha

by Lois Flowers October 23, 2014
by Lois Flowers

Dear Michelle,

I must be honest. At first, the cover of your book confused me. Every time I picked it up to read, I’d glance at all those black birds perched on telephone wires on the left side of the book and wonder, What does that have to do with being a spiritual misfit?

spiritual misfit coverAhem.

I thought my observational skills had improved over the last few years, but apparently, they still need some work. I eventually turned my gaze to the right side of the book, where, in all its lovely glory, is the lone red bird perched on the wire.

Of course. What a beautiful picture of your story. A person may feel like a misfit on her spiritual journey, but in God’s eyes, she is a unique and beautiful creation, just like that cardinal. And, no matter where she comes from—even Massachusetts, in your case—she is worth every ounce of effort it seemingly takes for God to draw her into His eternal family.

I also have to tell you that it took me awhile to get into your book because I was distracted by a detail. (Are you starting to notice a pattern here?) You write about stealing a necklace from your classmate’s desk when you were in third grade, and how this crime ushered in feelings of guilt that haunted you well into your adult years.

All I could think when I was reading this anecdote was, Why didn’t she just find a time when the girl wasn’t at her desk and put the necklace back? If assuaging the guilt was your sole goal, you could have achieved that easily. Plus you would have saved yourself years of heartache and paranoia.

Of course, you also might have breezed through life without finally realizing your need for a Savior, which would have negated the need for your book. So now I’m glad you didn’t put the necklace back.

I’m also thankful I didn’t let my tendency to get distracted keep me from reading the rest of Spiritual Misfit. While the stuff of life has slowly eroded many of my perfectionist tendencies, I can relate to your propensity for structure, order and logic. And when I read that your “grocery list is laid out in Excel according to Super Saver’s aisles,” I was hooked.

I was born “back East,” as they say, but have spent much of my life in the rectangular block of a state just below Nebraska. So your perspective about the culture shock you experienced when you moved from your beloved Massachusetts to the Cornhusker state was hilarious. From the oppressive heat and the fact that everyone had a “church family” they were eager to talk about, to the abundance of corn crops and mammoth grasshoppers, I can see why you often felt you were living in a foreign country.

I grew up in a Christian family and never really strayed from the faith, so your story intrigued me. It was refreshing to read about someone who starts out with no faith and ends up finding Jesus, as opposed to today’s popular narrative of people who grew up in some kind of “Christian subculture” only to leave it behind when they entered adulthood.

I love that, despite the strangeness of everything you encountered along the way—Bible studies, praying out loud in small groups, the “Christian Inspiration” department at Barnes & Noble, for example—you kept searching. I admire your forthrightness about where you were spiritually, your conscious decision to choose blessing and reject doubt, and especially your willingness push forward even when it meant putting yourself in uncomfortable places.

Your self-deprecating humor made the book all the more enjoyable. At one point in the chapter about grace, I was laughing so hard I had to stop and read several paragraphs aloud to my husband. Who knew a person’s experience with such a foundational theological truth could be so funny?

I hate to be the one to break it to you, Michelle, but there is something very Midwestern about your stick-to-itiveness, your determination to put one foot in front of the other even though you didn’t experience some kind of emotionally charged conversion.

I’ve known some Nebraskans in my lifetime. They work hard; they don’t take themselves too seriously; they’re always willing to help. That’s just the kind of people they are.

It sounds like you are now one of them, Michelle. There are many worse things you could be, don’t you think?

Thanks for writing a great book.

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To learn more about the Author Notes series, click here.

October 23, 2014 3 comments
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Introducing Author Notes on Waxing Gibbous

by Lois Flowers October 21, 2014
by Lois Flowers

Throughout my adult life, I’ve had a recurring bad dream.

High school is winding down for the year; there are only a few weeks left. An English class assignment, handed out at the beginning of the year, was to write one book report each month. For some reason, I failed to do this.

I completely blew off the whole thing.

Bookcase for book reviews

Now in real, wide-awake life, this is not like me at all. You can ask my college roommate—I was one of those annoying people who had research papers and other assignments done weeks in advance and never, ever had to pull an all-nighter to finish something at the last minute.

In my dream, however, I hadn’t done a single book report. Not one.

That may not seem like a nightmare to you, but I am in a panic. How in the world am I going to read nine books and write nine book reports in three weeks? Even worse, I always wake up before I figure out what to do. It drives me crazy every time.

I’d rather not delve into my subconscious mind to find out what all that really means. I’ll just tell you that, on the surface, it means that I don’t like writing book reports. I never have, and I never will.

Grown-up professional writers don’t call them book reports, of course. We call them book reviews. And while I have written a few, mainly when I was working for an e-zine about leadership, I don’t like writing them, either.

I do love to read, however. Not as much as my older daughter, who reads the warnings on toothpaste tubes while she’s brushing her teeth and the lists of championship swimmers on the walls at the indoor pool while she’s doing laps during swim lessons. Still, a lot.

Because I love books and reading so much, I had to include some kind of book feature on Waxing Gibbous. But it wasn’t until I started thinking like an author instead of a book reviewer that I hit upon the solution.

I am not a New-York-Times-bestselling author by any stretch of anyone’s imagination. I have received letters about my books over the years, though, and I absolutely love them. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only author who feels this way.

But here’s the thing. I have been reading good books and saying things like, “I really need to write to So-and-So Author Person and tell her such-and-such” for years. And I’m embarrassed to say I have never once done it.

Well, that’s all about to change.

Now, when I read a book that either speaks to me in some deep way or leads me to make an actual change in my life, I will write to the author and tell her (or him) what I appreciate about his or her book. Then I’ll post the letter here and send it to the author.

Voila! Author appreciation and blog book feature accomplished in one fell swoop.

Keep a sharp eye out. The first Author Note will hit Waxing Gibbous soon.

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October 21, 2014 3 comments
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The Antidote to the Sour Burn

by Lois Flowers October 9, 2014
by Lois Flowers

cloudy roadThere is a way I feel when fear and anxiety are crouching at the door of my mind and heart. It’s as if a mixture of lemon juice, vinegar and a splash of Sriracha hot chili sauce is seeping through my muscles, creating a sort of burn that is mostly sour and a little hot.

What I’m describing is just a feeling—a nasty feeling, to be sure, but not something chronic or requiring professional treatment. It comes on suddenly, and later—just as suddenly—it goes away.

Even so, I hate feeling this way. It saps my energy and makes me wander around aimlessly—even on weekend days that are absolutely perfect for gardening—unable to do anything at all productive.

I used to feel this way a lot; lately, not so much. Recently, however, there were a few weeks when the burn was back, with a vengeance.

I’m not exactly sure what brought it on. It might have been a delayed reaction to the changes of autumn—kids going back to school, adjusting to a new routine at home, that sort of thing. “All good things, all good things,” as the snowman Olaf says in my daughter Molly’s favorite movie. But change is change, and in my world, it tends to be hard.

A nasty sinus infection that kept me feeling bad long after I took my last antibiotic may have been the culprit. It might have had something to do with depleted hormones, or launching this blog—the excitement of starting something new coupled with the nervous anticipation of baring my soul to some tiny percentage of the online world.

Or it could have been some areas in my life where no news was definitely harder to deal with than bad news. Oswald Chambers wrote that the “nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty.” I’m sure he was right. But few things bring on the vinegar/lemon juice/hot sauce burn for me like waiting for an answer that may or may not come.

There are antidotes, of course. A 30-minute run on the treadmill. A short nap. A brisk walk in the sunshine. Lunch.

I tried all of these (especially lunch), and they all helped. But this time, the thing that brought the most relief were the words of an ancient shepherd-turned warrior king—the psalms of David.

I don’t care much for poetry. I can’t write it, and I usually don’t like to read it. But David’s verses—those speak to me. I love how he pours out his heart to God, holding nothing back, and how that always leads to praise.

“God is my helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my life.” (Psalm 54:4)

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God, whose word I praise.” (Psalm 56:3-4a)

“This I know: God is for me.” (Psalm 56: 9)

“I call to God Most High, to God who fulfills His purpose for me.” (Psalm 57:2)

“But I will sing of Your strength and will joyfully proclaim Your faithful love in the morning. For You have been a stronghold for me, a refuge in my day of trouble.” (Psalm 59:16)

These words? Sweet, peace-filled relief, more powerful than any combination of fear and vinegar.

I saw a friend in the bathroom at church on Sunday. She asked me how I was doing, and, after briefly considering various answers, I told her.

“I’m hoping this week will be better than last week,” I said.

And you know what? It was.

♥ Lois

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Crystal Storms at #HeartEncouragementThursday and Holley Gerth at Coffee for Your Heart.

photo credit:John Mueller via photopin cc
October 9, 2014 12 comments
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The Light in the Laundry Room

by Lois Flowers October 7, 2014
by Lois Flowers

We recently remodeled our basement laundry room. Picture sunny yellow walls, crisp white wainscot, perfectly lined up squares of industrial-looking floor tile. It’s all just too lovely for words. Or at least for a laundry room.

But my favorite thing is the lighting. A total of 520 watts of pure incandescent brightness, baby.

Light in laundry room photo 1a

The size of our basement laundry room is about 100 square feet, or so my husband tells me. When he first said how many lights he wanted to install, I scoffed. Why in the world do we need eight recessed 65-watt floodlights in a space that small?

Sure, it’s in the basement and sure, there are no windows, but really? Eight lights seemed like overkill.

My husband, who loves all things relating to stage and theatrical lighting, stuck to his lumens. Turns out, he was right.

Eight lights isn’t overkill. It’s heavenly.

Dirty laundry is the bane of housewives and mothers everywhere. When I Googled “piles of laundry” the other day, I got 2.67 million results. Once you slog through all the how-to articles, I’m guessing a hefty percentage of the rest are blog posts lamenting this dreaded chore.

Not in my house.

Dare I even say it? Thanks to the light, doing laundry is a joy. Yes, a joy.

I love light. My favorite room in my house is the living room, where four huge southern-facing windows flood the room with light most of the day. It makes me happy just to be in there.

The opposite also is true. When I drive down the street near my daughter’s school—the one with the canopy of trees so thick no sunlight gets through at all—I can barely breathe. I can’t wait to turn the corner so I can head for the roundabout where the sun shines through the branches. It’s physical and mental and emotional, this thing I have with light.

I didn’t like the laundry room before, for many reasons. The HVAC/water heater closet that was missing a wide louvered door. The uneven concrete floor. The red, white and blue plaid wallpaper and barn-red woodwork. The lone fluorescent light fixture in the stained tile ceiling. The lack of windows.

light in the laundry room before

I didn’t like it for these reasons and more, but I didn’t realize how dark and dingy it was until the light came.

When we turned on the lights for the first time, it was as if the gates of heaven opened and a celestial choir burst into the Hallelujah Chorus.

This was before anything else had been done in the laundry room, mind you. Everything I just described was still there, in all its stark ugliness.

It was the light that made the difference.

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October 7, 2014 4 comments
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When You Decide to Stop Taking the Easy Way (Part II)

by Lois Flowers October 2, 2014
by Lois Flowers

Days before running club practice started last fall, I thought about the 5K my daughter Molly and I would be training for, and I imagined myself crossing the finish line.

Having never run in a race of any kind (unless you count those three-legged races we used to have on field day in elementary school), the power of that visual nearly brought me to my knees.

5k part two resized

The highly effective Stephen Covey thought up his “begin-with-the-end-in-mind” habit a long time ago. But it’s not something I’ve ever done much before. I either do things, or not. I sometimes imagine myself at future events—my daughters’ weddings, a parent’s funeral, that kind of thing—but I don’t spend a lot of time casting visions for myself or anyone else.

But that picture of me crossing the finish line—and what I imagined I would feel when I did—stayed with me for the next several weeks. It kept me going as I plodded through 90-degree temperatures, personally redefining what it means to “sweat profusely.” It motivated me as I wondered how we would ever survive a 5K when Molly kept missing school (and running club practice) because she kept getting sick. It gave me confidence, as race day approached, that somehow Molly and I could both jog the whole way even though neither of us had never continually run more than two miles outside before.

Two days before the race, after a couple of good practices, I strained to keep moving as we ran along the trail. I thought it was supposed to get easier, I groaned to myself. How am I ever gonna finish the race on Saturday?

But even as I struggled, something amazing was happening to Molly. After spending our late afternoon practices mostly walking with her friends and complaining about being hot and tired, she suddenly kicked it into overdrive that last week. She ran like she’d never run before. She peaked at exactly the right time.

And I thought, If she can do it, I can do it.

The day of the race was perfect. It was cold and dark when we boarded the bus that took us to the race site, and the atmosphere at the starting line was electric. And you know what? I loved it. Every bit of it.

I had not expected that at all.

I hadn’t expected how much fun it would be to weave through race traffic, holding tightly to Molly’s hand so we wouldn’t be separated. I hadn’t expected how thrilling it would be to jog past groups of walkers, beaming with pride that we were going faster than they were. I hadn’t expected how exciting it would be to see spectators all along the race route, cheering us on with signs and voices. I hadn’t expected how exhilarating it would be to have Molly actually running next to me the whole time.

After about 35 minutes, we started to see a few people who had already finished coming toward us, looking for friends who were still running. And that’s when it hit me. We were almost there. This thing that I’d put off for so long, feared so much, worked so hard for—it was almost in sight.

It wasn’t about the time, it was about finishing. Together. And we did. At exactly the same moment.

I love the video of us at the finish line. There was no big emotional release, as I had imagined there might be. Just a quick hug, and then off to find daddy and big sister. Subtle, like me and Molly, and perfectly priceless.

• • • •

The day after my 43rd birthday, I once again did something I had never done before. I made a pot roast. Out of a 3-pound hunk of beef. With potatoes and everything.

It tasted great. Better yet, it felt great. There was no cloud of witnesses in the kitchen, cheering me on as we took the first bite. But there was something just as nice. A husband and two daughters who are proud of me for trying something new, who will love me even if the next attempt at something new ends in dismal failure.

I could get used to this, this new habit of doing things I don’t know if I can do. I will get used to it.

It’s not about me anymore. And in this race we call life, that makes all the difference in the world.

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October 2, 2014 1 comment
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When You Decide to Stop Taking the Easy Way (Part I)

by Lois Flowers September 30, 2014
by Lois Flowers

One month shy of my 43rd birthday, I did something I’ve never done before. Ever. Like, in my whole life.

I ran a race. An official 5K, with thousands of other people. And I actually ran the race (well, jogged—but in my world, the two are the same). And I actually finished. Not in record time, but under 40 minutes, which was good enough to put me almost in the top half of participants.

race

I go to a church of marathon runners. On any given Sunday, if the pastor asked the congregation how many had run some kind of ridiculously long race, hands would go up all over the place. These are the kind of people who have as their life verse the one about running the race, keeping their eyes fixed on Jesus, with the great cloud of witnesses cheering them on. You know the one I’m talking about.

Let me be clear. I am not one of them. My favorite part of that passage is the phrase about God being the author and finisher (or “editor,” as I like to think of it) of my faith. (I’m a writer, not a runner. Of course that would be my favorite part.)

Let me clarify some more, in case you’re not getting this. I don’t run races. I have a bad foot. I’m slow. I don’t like to run outside. I’m afraid of doing things I don’t think I can do.

Ouch. Now we’re getting to the heart of the matter. The uncomfortable story behind the story, so to speak. It wasn’t just all those physical limitations that have kept me from doing something I’ve always wanted to do.

It was fear.

It’s silly, really, this tendency of mine to avoid hard things. Silly, but life-long.

It’s not like I’ve never done anything difficult. I was an honors student in high school and college. I’ve written two books published by bona fide publishers. I completed the paperwork that resulted in two successful international adoptions. None of that was rocket science, but it did take considerable effort.

But too often, I took the easy way. I made decisions about what I was and wasn’t going to do based on whether or not I thought I could do it. And if it seemed too hard—if I didn’t think I could—I didn’t.

It’s something I’ve been forced to admit to myself and to others lately. It’s come into sharper focus for me as I observe people in my house who do not shy away from hard things, who do not give up at the first sign of struggle, who do not allow fear to rule. I greatly admire these dear ones who possess such tenacity, even as it exposes a character flaw in me.

But here’s the thing. There’s something about this incriminating piece of self awareness that literally explodes me into action: the thought that my daughters might pick up this debilitating pattern from me.

Not on my watch. Not if I can help it.

It’s not about me and my fears anymore. It’s about them.

So when my younger daughter Molly recruited me to participate in her school running club last fall, I could hardly say no.

There’s more to this story…look for Part II later this week.

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photo credit: Noeluap via photopin cc
September 30, 2014 6 comments
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As long as we’re here on planet Earth, God has a good purpose for us. This is true no matter how old we are, what we feel on any given day or what we imagine anyone else thinks about us. It can be a struggle, though, to believe this and live like it. It requires divine strength and eternal hope. And so I write, one pilgrim to another, in an effort to encourage us both as we navigate the long walk home together.

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