Real Life in Real Time

Randy and I have a phrase we like to use when we are talking (or texting) about something that intimidates us or makes us apprehensive. I wouldn’t call it an inside joke, exactly—it’s more like a code between the two of us.

We might be discussing a difficult conversation we’re about to have. A problem we can’t figure out. An assignment we don’t like. An appointment we’re dreading.

Whatever the specifics, the one who is nervous inevitably comes out with something like this (spoken in our favorite southern roughneck drawl):

“… But I don’t care, ‘cuz I ain’t scared. I ain’t scared of NUTHIN!”

This isn’t false bravado or a warning sign that our grammar skills have left the building. It’s our way of letting each other know that yeah, we actually might be a tiny bit (or a huge bit) anxious, but we’re not going to let that deter us. We’re going to grit our teeth and push forward. We’re going to do what we have to do, no matter how hard it might be.

I. Ain’t. Scared.

It seems like we’ve been using that phrase a lot lately, especially when it comes to what we’re doing this very morning.

Shortly after I post these words, Randy and I will be on our way to the heart lab at a local hospital. There, he will undergo a procedure that we hope will relieve him of a heartbeat problem he has been dealing with for more than three years—one that has affected his quality of life significantly and could start affecting even more than that if it’s not corrected.

I’m in a waiting room today. Not a metaphorical waiting room where I’m anticipating God’s movement in some area of my life. An actual waiting room, most likely one with a coffee station and chairs set up around the perimeter.

I sat in a waiting room with my mom when my dad had his hip replaced. I sat in a waiting room with my dad when my mom had a 90 percent blockage in her carotid artery removed.

But I’ve never sat in a waiting room with myself, waiting for something to be done to my husband.

Those earlier experiences were somewhat nerve wracking because the doctors were working on my elderly parents and, while you always hope for the best, you never know what might go wrong in surgeries like they were having.

But this? This is different. That’s my soul mate in there—my best friend, my life’s love, my rock. I’m guessing this is going to be the longest day in recorded history, at least for me.

Can I lay it all out on the table for a minute? My biggest concern about what’s going on today is not that it will end tragically. It’s that the procedure won’t work. That, after all of this, the problem will still be there, disrupting Randy’s life in ways that only he can fully understand.

I know what it’s like to be restored after years of feeling bad, and I want that for my husband. I want it so badly it almost hurts.

These past many months, I’ve prayed for healing more times than I can count—that the Great Physician would simply touch Randy’s heart and remove this ailment completely. He could do exactly that, I have no doubt.

So far, though, no such healing has occurred.

I’ve prayed other similar prayers in my lifetime, prayers that received a firm no, followed later by the unfolding of an answer far more wonderful than I could have imagined.

Remembering those results bolsters my faith in a loving Heavenly Father who knows what we need more than we do, a God who promises to go before us and be with us, a Savior who died so that we could fully live.

I don’t know how this is going to turn out today. Based on what Randy’s doctor has told him, I have hopes and expectations. But I’m trying to hold all of those loosely.

I’ve been praying, “Not my will, but yours be done,” with increasing frequency and urgency—not because I think God’s will is something different from mine necessarily, but because it’s the only way I know of to dispel the anxious thoughts and cast my cares upon the only One who can do anything about them.

And, as silly as it might sound, I’m still saying, “I ain’t scared—I ain’t scared of NUTHIN.” In some strange way, it really does relieve the pressure and lighten the load.

Last week when I was writing this post, all I wanted to do was fast-forward to Wednesday—the day after the procedure. I wanted it to be over, done with, finished, successful.

But it’s not Wednesday yet. It’s Tuesday, the same day of the week I always post my blog.

So today, I have a tiny favor to ask. If you happen to think of it throughout the day and on into the night, would you mind praying for Randy?

If you were to ask him how he’s feeling, he might tell you he “ain’t scared neither.” But he’d still sure appreciate your prayers. And so would I.

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Purposeful Faith, #TellHisStory, Coffee for Your Heart, Chasing Community, #HeartEncourgementThursday and Grace & Truth.

40 Responses to Real Life in Real Time

  1. I’m so sorry to be so late in commenting. 🙁 I know this is three days past when you posted this beautiful, hope-infusing post, Lois, and I’m sorry. I’ll be praying for you guys with whatever news you guys receive after the procedure Tuesday. Those seasons are never, ever easy.

    Thank you for your living example of choosing not to give in to fear, but to keep your eyes on our Good, GOOD Father.

    And when I read C.S. Lewis’ words? I heard them in Liam Neeson’s voice.

    Praying, my friend.

    • Lois Flowers says:

      Thank you so much, Jeanne. The procedure went well, the waiting room was interesting but peace-filled (hoping to write about that for next week’s post!), and Randy seems to be feeling better each day. I had to smile when I read what you said about C.S. Lewis’s words … one of my all-time favorite Aslan quotes, that one! Hugs, my friend!

  2. Kim says:

    Arkansas Heart Hospital cured my husbands AFIB. It was scary too. Dr. Monica Lo is a genius!

  3. Lisa notes says:

    Ha. I can hear Jeff and I saying something like that with each other too (and yes, with a good southern roughneck drawl). Praying that by now you’ve gotten great news on your husband and that his heart condition is much improved! Reading this reminds me that I need to get my husband to make his heart appointment. He has to go every 5 years to check on his heart murmur, and it’s been 6 years and counting….

    • Lois Flowers says:

      Oh yeah, Lisa … the drawl part is VERY important! 🙂 Thank you for your prayers … the procedure did go well and seems to have helped. I know about putting off appointments …. I hope your husband’s six-year check goes well. 🙂

  4. Praying now for total healing!

  5. Susan Shipe says:

    Praying. Believing. Don’t be scared. #nofear Keep us updated.

  6. Debby says:

    Praying along as I was reading your words. I’ve sat in that same waiting room for a heart ablation to be performed on my husband, ‘not scared of nuthin’.
    You’re praying the hardest and best prayer friend….his will, not ours, be done. Yes and amen.

    • Lois Flowers says:

      That’s the same procedure Randy had, Debby … it seems to have done the job, so we are very grateful. Thank you for your prayers … there’s nothing like the prayers of someone who knows exactly what it is you are facing, is there? 🙂

  7. Somer says:

    I smiled at the phrase you all repeat to each other. I like it 🙂
    Praying for you all

    • Lois Flowers says:

      Thanks, Somer. After 23 years of marriage, we have more than a few of those phrases … I think it’s part of what makes marriage fun, especially in the stressful times!

  8. Sam says:

    Remembering Randy and you in prayer right . Thank you for sharing.

  9. ~ linda says:

    Holding Randy in my prayers…and you! May the One Who created Randy watch over him and care for him in this healing process.

    I understand as I have been the one in the hospital bed having surgeries with my husband in the waiting room. Now, I am watching him as he learns to deal with a lung concern. We are growing older and things just keep creeping up and in, but our God is so much bigger than the concerns.

    Caring through Christ, ~ linda

    • Lois Flowers says:

      Linda, I’m like you … I’ve always been the one in the hospital bed too … quite a few times, actually! Now I have a much better appreciation of what it’s like to be the one in the waiting room. Phew! Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers!

  10. Trudy says:

    I’m so sorry about your soulmate, Lois. It is so hard to see our best friend and love of our life suffer. I love how you encourage each other with that expression. May God give you and him and your daughters hope and strength in Him, and may He guide the hands of the physicians and bring a solution. I know He has you in His loving hands always! Love and hugs!

    • Lois Flowers says:

      Trudy, thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. It’s been a different sort of week at our house, that’s for sure! The procedure went well and Randy is feeling better each day. The girls handled it well–much better than I would have at their age! Hugs, friend!

  11. Lesley says:

    Lois, I’m praying for you and Randy, for a good outcome from the procedure and that you know God with you and experience his peace as you wait. You are not alone- God is with you and we are joining with you in prayer!

  12. Taking moments throughout the day to life you both up, Lois. Take solace in the Hedge of Protection, the One who goes before you and behind you, to the left and to your right, above and beneath… He surrounds you even in the waiting room.

  13. Lois,
    Know that my prayers are with you today! xo

  14. Claudine Flowers says:

    “Bless the Lord who reigns in beauty
    Bless the Lord who reigns with wisdom and with power.
    Bless the Lord who fills my life with so much love,
    He can make a perfect heart. ”

    That’s how we were praying for Randy – That God would make his perfect heart. And that you and Randy would both know His peace at this time.

    PS – We were in the waiting room with you. 🙂

  15. Roberta says:

    Praying for all of you. Sending love. Waiting with you in spirit.

  16. Linda Stoll says:

    I’m lifting you up even as we speak, dear Lois. You are not along in the waiting room. We all gather with you there in spirit.

    Thank you for sharing your heart’s desire. We lift it up to Him …

    Peace be with you.

    • Lois Flowers says:

      I definitely felt God’s peace in the waiting room, Linda … thank you so much for praying! If this procedure had happened a year ago, I don’t know that I would have been so calm. The journey we’ve been on in recent months has certainly prepared me for now. The procedure went well and seems to have worked. So thankful for that!

  17. Lois, you and Randy are too funny! I had to read your phrase in an exaggerated southern accent. Made me smile to see your prayer- The Lord’s will be done. You taught me about praying that way, and you’re right- it’s the way to cast our cares to the Lord who actually can (and is) doing something with them. I’ve been in that literal waiting room too, hoping in a similar way. “What if not?” is a whole other beast than “what if?” But God. Thanks for sharing your precious heart and wisdom in real time. I’m praying for you both in real time too!!

    • Lois Flowers says:

      I love that you read our little slogan with an accent, Bethany! You’re right … “What if not?” comes with it’s own set of challenges, that’s for sure! Thank you for your prayers and concern, my friend!

  18. Anita Felzke says:

    Prayers started. Please keep us posted.

  19. Marilyn Horn says:

    Derl and I will be praying today for you and Randy. Praying also for the doctor to have wisdom in all he does. We love you both. Marilyn & Derl

    • Lois Flowers says:

      We love you too, Marilyn. I know you know what it’s like to pray for a husband who is facing great risks … thank you for your prayers for Randy! The procedure went well. Hugs to you both!

  20. Thank you for being vulnerable. I just lifted a prayer for you and your husband. Praying the procedure works and also praying for a calm spirit for you as you wait. Visiting from #RaRaLinkup!

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