Author

Lois Flowers

Our Source of Strength in the Heavy Seasons of Life

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Quick fixes may be hard to come by, but God provides what we need both when we’re weak and when we’re more prepared to carry the weight. ~

When we adopted our elder daughter Lilly, she was nine months old and weighed about 17 pounds.

I had worked on my cardiovascular fitness in the months leading up to our adoption trip to China, and my regular runs on the treadmill prepared me to traverse the Great Wall with relative ease. But my upper body strength was a different story entirely.

My arms and back were so weak I could only hold Lilly for a few minutes at a time before passing her to Randy. So when we were out and about, she spent most of her time chewing on the strap of the Snugli that held her close to his chest.

What Happened

Amid the excitement and stress of becoming parents halfway across the globe, I sometimes worried about my ability to care for her when we returned home. How am I going to carry her everywhere we need to go when I can hardly hold her now? I wondered.

What happened, of course, was that the more I carried her, the stronger I got. And as she grew, so did my strength.

Three years later, we returned to China to adopt Molly. She also weighed 17 pounds. But because we were used to picking up 4-year-old Lilly, who was small by American standards but made up of solid muscle, little Molly seemed as light as a feather.

When I was a new mom, 17 pounds was almost more than I could manage, while carrying the same weight three years later—in the same unfamiliar setting, no less—was pretty easy.

Life Application

The same principle applies to seasons of life, doesn’t it? Some seasons are heavier, and some are lighter.

It might be that the difference lies in the actual weight, or burden, we’re carrying. A 100-pound load is tougher to lug around than one that weighs 25 pounds, after all. It doesn’t matter if the burden is internal or caused by situations outside our control—heavy is heavy, regardless of the source.

Our preparedness or current state of mind also plays a role. When we adopted Molly, she seemed light to me, even though she weighed exactly the same as Lilly when we got her. But I was different. I was stronger, a bit more experienced and confident in my ability to be her mama. It was just easier.

Serious Seasons

Sometimes, it’s the gravity of the season we’re in that can make it seem like we are walking around with a ton of bricks on our chest. Certain phases in our lives simply hold more significance than others—there’s more at stake and more rides on the outcome.

External circumstances affect the weight of a season too. A level path doesn’t require as much energy as a steep incline, and it’s much easier to carry that 100-pound burden when it’s 50 degrees outside than it is when the thermometer reaches 95 in the shade.

In the same way, what’s going on around us can sometimes make what’s happening within us all the more difficult.

Juggling Act

My reality—and probably yours too—is this: We often have to deal with different seasons of life simultaneously.

Some are heavy; others are light. I don’t know about you, but when the weight of a heavy phase overwhelms me, I’m often at a loss for what to do. I want an answer, a solution, a three-step plan for how to make the burden lighter—or better yet, disappear.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that, does it? There are no bows, no pat answers, no quick fixes. As helpful as they can be, there are no Bible studies or books that can fast-forward us through the weightier times.

But there is truth. There are promises to cling to, if we chose to do so.

Casting Every Care

Scripture encourages us to cast our every care on the same sovereign God who hung the stars in the sky and orchestrates the four seasons. Nothing is too big or too small for His loving attention.

When we walk through the fire, the desert, the deep waters, the rocky mountains—He is with us.

No matter the season, He knows what we need. He knows what our loved ones need. And He will provide exactly that.

Wisdom for the wondering. Love for the lonely. Comfort for the grieving. Water for the thirsty. Boldness for the timid. Peace for the anxious. Rest for the weary.

And, yes, strength for the weak.

♥ Lois

God provides wisdom for the wondering. Love for the lonely. Comfort for the grieving. Water for the thirsty. Boldness for the timid. Peace for the anxious. Rest for the weary. Share on X No matter the season, God knows what we need. He knows what our loved ones need. And He will provide exactly that. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Sometimes it Takes a Lifetime to Become Who We Are

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: We may never paint our house purple or wear red pants, but we’re never too old to change for good or grow more comfortable in our own skin. ~

Before my daughter Molly went to Northern Ireland last semester, she went clothes shopping and came home with a pair of bright red pants.

I loved her new pants, but it wasn’t until months later that something clicked in my mind about this bold choice of hers. It had to do with my dad, and knowing yourself, and being comfortable with who you are.

Dad once painted his three-story, turn-of-the-20th century farmhouse a startling shade of lavender. He’d seen a Victorian house with a similar color scheme, liked it and decided to replicate it. From then on, my childhood home was known around town as “the purple house.”

Her Own Person

My dad was not someone who sought out the limelight. He was unassuming, settled in his own skin and never one to make decisions based upon public opinion. When he chose to paint his house lavender, he did so because he thought it was pretty.

In many ways, Molly is very much like my dad. The red pants are just another example of this.

She saw them, she liked them, and she wears them confidently. She enjoys being fashionable, but she has her own sense of style and doesn’t pattern herself after anyone else.

Becoming Who We Are

One of the blessings of motherhood, in my opinion, is watching our children become who they are. Sometimes, this is apparent from an early age. Molly has always had a keen sense of what she likes and doesn’t like, for example.

Sometimes, though, it takes a lifetime to figure all this out. For many of us, it’s a decade-by-decade process.

I was in my late 20s when I finally became comfortable with my own quieter personality. At one pivotal point, I realized I didn’t have to try to be the life of the party; I didn’t have to make people laugh or even talk if I didn’t want to.

Being who I was wired to be was far less stressful than attempting to be something else, or at least feeling like I should be different somehow.

My Big-Ring Era

In my early 40s, the “becoming” had more to do with my personal appearance. After spending a lot of time and money highlighting and straightening my hair during the previous decade, I finally embraced my naturally curly mane and switched to all-over color (in a dark brown that matched my natural hue), rather than lighter highlights.

I also wore a lot of bold prints and eye-catching rings in my 40s (my girls call it my big-ring era). I don’t know why these styles appealed to me during those years; maybe they were my version of Molly’s red pants and Dad’s lavender house.

I’ve mostly left the prints and big rings behind in my 50s, embracing softer solids and bracelets instead (at least for now). But I haven’t stopped becoming who I am, and neither have you.

Some of this is directly affected by our DNA and God-given personality. Even if we wanted to change some things, we couldn’t do it.

What We Can Control

That said, much of who we become is completely and totally within our control. How we respond to other people and in stressful situations, what we think about, what we spend our time looking at—it’s all shaping us in ways we often don’t even realize.

I don’t know about you, but I want to become an old lady who laughs and smiles easily, chats with strangers at the grocery store, hugs freely, and listens well. And as far as I can tell, the best way to do that is to start now (or keep it up, as the case may be).

Also, in case you were wondering, I probably won’t ever paint my house purple (the husband has a say in this, after all). But don’t be surprised if I sport a pair of pants like Molly’s someday. (Red is my favorite color, after all.)

• • •

How have you noticed this “becoming” process playing out in your life? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

Much of who we become is completely and totally within our control. How we respond, what we think about, what we spend our time looking at—it’s all shaping us in ways we often don’t even realize. Share on X I want to become an old lady who laughs and smiles easily, chats with strangers at the grocery store, hugs freely, and listens well. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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How to Respond When Our Words are Misunderstood

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Trying to convince people that their interpretations aren’t accurate doesn’t usually work. Here’s what we can do instead. ~

Have you ever noticed that when people hear something they don’t like or disagree with, they sometimes perceive what’s been said as far more intense than it really was?

For example, my hair stylist once told me that when her mother gets angry, her voice gets lower and quieter. But when her mom speaks like this, it comes across as screaming to my stylist.

I’ve also observed and participated in conversations where I heard one thing and others felt something else. What I interpreted as regular talking came across to them as much angrier communication.

They may have been reading more into the situation than was there, or I may have been oblivious to what was really going on. Either way, one thing is certain: We heard the same conversation and came away with completely different impressions of what had transpired.

Perception is Reality

Unfortunately, perception is reality, even if that reality is not actually real. As a result, trying to convince someone (including me) that what he or she feels is not accurate is often as beneficial as trying to teach geometry to a duck.

We can only control ourselves, after all. And when another person’s interpretation of our words is inaccurate—or at least not in accordance with what we felt or meant—we have some choices to make.

When the situation involves our younger children, for example, we can look at it as a teaching opportunity. They will be interacting with people all their lives, so if we can encourage them not to take offense, to listen wisely and to understand that there’s always a back story, we will be doing them a great service.

Our kids’ perceptions also help us understand them better. What seems like a small thing to us might be huge to them. And asking questions about what they felt and heard as we spoke gives us the opportunity to do things differently in the future.

Other Options

We do have other options, of course, whether we’re dealing with our children or with other people.

We could adopt the attitude that they are being oversensitive and need to get over it.

We could engage right then and there and try to convince them that their interpretation is wrong.

Or, we could pray.

Other choices might be easier or more convenient. But only with prayer do we have any chance of selecting the response that is right for each individual situation.

How to Pray

I don’t always pick this option, mind you. I frequently react rather than respond. But if we want to respond in a loving way more often, here are a few ways we could pray.

• That the people with whom we’re interacting will see things how they really are, rather than through the lens of defensiveness or emotional baggage.

• That we will see things how they really are, rather than through the lens of our own emotional baggage, our need to be right, our need to convince them that what they think isn’t accurate, or our tendency to be less sensitive than we could be (or maybe that’s just me).

• That we will accept feedback and humbly acknowledge when we have come across in a way that was different from how we intended.

• That we will come across in a loving way, that we will be able to tell when someone has misinterpreted our words, and that we will have the wisdom to know when to say something about it or just let it go.

That’s a lot to remember, I know. But casting every bit of it before the One who hears all, sees all and knows all is our only hope of ever getting it right ourselves.

• • •

We all have different ways of communicating, so if you have additional insights, please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

Trying to convince people (including me) that what they feel is not accurate is often as beneficial as trying to teach geometry to a duck. Share on X If we can encourage our children not to take offense, to listen wisely and to understand that there’s always a back story, we will be doing them a great service. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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What Driving Old Cars Teaches Us About Getting Along with People

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Especially nowadays, many of us could use some help relating to our fellow believers. An essay from my dad’s files offers guidance in the form of a unique analogy. ~

My dad loved old cars. I’m not talking about cool classics from the 1950s, although he enjoyed those too.

I’m referring to decidedly not-cool cars like the Rambler Americans from the 1960s he drove when I was a teenager in the 1980s. (Can you guess how I felt about this at the time?)

Dad was a mechanical engineer who could fix pretty much anything. One of the reasons he appreciated these old cars was because he could repair them when they broke down, which seemed to be quite often. (Or at least that’s how I remember it.)

Because of all this, I wasn’t surprised when I came across an essay in his files called “Things I Learned from Driving Old Cars.” It read like it could have been presented as a Sunday school lesson, although I don’t know if he ever shared it in that venue.

Practical Analogy

My dad’s goal, I think, was to encourage believers to make every effort to get along with each other. And, as was his custom, he used a practical analogy with some humor thrown in to get his message across.

“I hope you are not offended when I compare old cars to people,” Dad wrote, “but since I like both, you will understand it is not a derogatory comparison.”

I’m guessing most of us could use some guidance about how to relate to other believers nowadays. So here, lightly edited to fit blog style, is an excerpt from his essay.

• • •

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18, KJV)

Most of us probably interpret this verse to mean, “Do the best you can to get along with people and try to stay out of fights.” But when we consider the verses immediately before and after, we see it means much, much more.

Tools for Getting Along

In fact, Romans 12 is nothing less than a full complement of tools for our use in working together effectively with each other. Take verse 10, for example:

“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another.” (emphasis added)

Can you imagine a church where everyone practiced this verse? A place where nobody is on an ego trip, there are no personal agendas, and people don’t contend for positions of power and prestige?

It boggles the mind, doesn’t it? And here is where old cars come in.

My dad working on his first car, a 1949 Crosley. According to notes in a family photo album, this picture was taken in 1954. Many years later, my dad told me he bought the car when he was 20 and paid about $150 for it.

Personality Quirks

When a car is in its second or third 100,000 miles, it seems to develop its own distinctive personality. On one of my cars, for instance, you had to shift gears a certain way or the transmission would lock up and it wouldn’t go at all. I learned how to do that, and even my wife learned, and we both got many good miles out of that car.

People have these personality quirks too. We have to be willing to accommodate them, not only to get along with them but also to work effectively with them.

We may need to avoid certain words or phrases when talking with certain people. Or it may mean listening to someone tell that story for the 59th time without rolling our eyes. We might laugh or at least smile, even if we could say the punch line better ourselves.

I know it’s easier and certainly less time consuming to not have to deal with people like that, but should that be our priority?

Realistic Expectations

Another lesson to learn from driving old cars is that you develop a realistic set of expectations. You know your old jalopy won’t be able to go from a dead stop to 60 miles per hour in six seconds, if it ever could. And those little dents, scratches and rust spots mean your beloved vehicle no longer attracts admiring glances, except maybe those of amazement that such an old car would still be driven in public.

This teaches us that our expectations of other believers should be realistic too. We tend to have high expectations of others, don’t we? They should be just like us, only better. That’s not realistic, though.

So how do we form realistic expectations about our fellow Christians? You get to know old cars by spending time with them, usually by driving them. When you spend time with people, you find out things about them too—their likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, aspirations and fears.

With that kind of information, you can form some pretty accurate expectations too.

Like my dad, my husband Randy also has an affinity for old jalopies. His first car, shown here in a photo from the late 1980s, was a 1964 Ford Falcon Futura.

Wear and Tear

The third thing about old cars is that special attention must be given to the effects of wear and tear. Oil is consumed, coolant leaks, and unknown parts rattle and squeak.

Humans don’t do any of those things, of course. But Christians who have done battle with the enemy may also need some extra care and attention at times. They won’t need oil or antifreeze like those old cars, but perhaps a sympathetic, listening ear during a period of discouragement, or a bright, cheerful card or letter—even if it isn’t Christmas or their birthday—might do the trick.

And how many Christians complain that nobody at church talks to them? We could be the ones who do.

Don’t Take the Easy Way

Some people don’t want to deal with this sort of thing, either with cars or with people. So they buy new cars and ignore those folks who they think require too much attention.

Now I don’t really expect you to become an old-car enthusiast. Buy that new car if you really want to. (Someone has to stimulate the economy, right?)

But even though it’s often easiest to limit our circle of friends to those we are comfortable with, I don’t think the scriptures support that option, unless we are willing to cut Romans 12:9-21 out of our Bibles and throw it away.

On second thought, don’t do that. Instead, read this passage again and ask yourself if you are doing everything it tells you to do. And if you aren’t, then do it!

• • •

There you have it—my dad’s exhortation to read and apply Romans 12:9-21 (which, in the NIV, is appropriately titled “Love in Action”). If you enjoyed his thoughts, let me know in the comments. And if you have any old-car enthusiasts in your life, please share this post with them too.

♥ Lois

Like old cars, people have personality quirks too. We have to be willing to accommodate them, not only to get along with them but also to work effectively with them. Share on X Christians who have done battle with the enemy may also need some extra care and attention at times. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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When Everyone Else is Getting the Blessings You Want

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Are your natural desires are interfering with your ability to be content? Try focusing on the blessings outlined in scripture that relate to actions and attitudes rather than material possessions or family status. ~

In our comparison-driven culture, it’s sometimes tempting to think God is pouring out His blessings on everyone but us.

We don’t know the whole story of other people’s lives, of course, or what it has cost them to be where they are and have what they have. But logic like that is often overpowered by our own God-given longings and desires.

When Randy and I were dealing with infertility, for example, it was difficult to hear people gush about how God had blessed them with children, or how their kids were the greatest gifts God had ever given them.

Painful Awareness

Children are wonderful blessings; if they were not, infertility wouldn’t be nearly as hard as it is.

But before God knit our family together through adoption, talk like this frustrated me. It seemed to imply—at least to my own hurting heart—that people without children (married or not) are somehow missing out on the ultimate blessing in life.

I was painfully aware of the scripture passage that talked about children being a heritage from the Lord (Psalm 127:3-5). But I also knew there were plenty of verses in the Bible (especially Psalms and Proverbs) that delineate other reasons for blessing, nearly all of which have to do with a person’s heart, actions, attitudes and relationships with God and others.

Count Them One by One

I made a list of these verses, and if you are longing for a specific blessing that everyone around you already seems to be enjoying, I hope what I found encourages your soul today.

We are blessed when we:

• Refrain from walking in the “counsel of the wicked” or standing “in the way of sinners” or sitting “in the seat of mockers” (Psalm 1:1).

• Delight in the law of the Lord and meditate on it around the clock (Psalm 1:2).

• Take refuge in the Lord (Psalm 34:8).

• Make the Lord our trust (Psalm 40:4).

• Have regard for the weak (Psalm 41:1).

• Learn to acclaim the Lord and walk in His presence (Psalm 89:15).

• Seek Him with all our heart (Psalm 119:2).

• Maintain justice and “constantly do what is right” (Psalm 106:3).

That’s Plenty, but There’s More

We also are blessed when we:

• Are kind to the needy (Proverbs 14:21).

• Are generous to the poor (Proverbs 22:9).

• Are faithful (Proverbs 28:20).

• Honor the Sabbath (Isaiah 56:3).

• Are disciplined by God (Psalm 94:12).

• Find wisdom (Proverbs 3:13).

• Serve others (John 13:11-17).

• Fear the Lord continually (Proverbs 28:14).

• Read the book of Revelation and take its message to heart (Revelation 1:3-4).

• Actively watch for the return of Jesus Christ (Revelation 16:14-15).

Beauty from Ashes

The New Testament also reveals that great blessing often flows out of suffering and pain. Matthew 5:3-12 makes a convincing case for this:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

This familiar passage reminds me of another biblical blessing that has nothing to do with material possessions or family status and everything to do with trusting God through suffering: “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him” (James 1:12).

In light of eternity, the blessings don’t get any better than that, do they?

♥ Lois

There are plenty of verses in the Bible that delineate other reasons for blessing, nearly all of which have to do with a person’s heart, actions, attitudes and relationships with God and others. Share on X The New Testament also reveals that great blessing often flows out of suffering and pain. Share on X

Note: Parts of this post were adapted from my book Infertility: Finding God’s Peace in the Journey (Harvest House, 2003), available here.

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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My One Word for 2025

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Reading a wonderfully descriptive travel memoir prompted me to start paying more attention to my own surroundings, a practice that led to my new word of the year. ~

Last fall I read Gather the Olives: On Food and Hope and the Holy Land, a fascinating collection of essays about what author Bret Lott observed and experienced while living and teaching in Israel.

I was struck by the vast number of details Lott weaves into his stories, and it made me wonder how he kept track of all this information throughout his travels. I certainly couldn’t remember all that off the top of my head if I wanted to write about it later.

In the general course of life, my observational skills are mediocre, at best. I mostly notice what I’m interested in—plants and flowers rather than makes and models of cars, for example.

Expanding My Focus

When it comes to writing, I’ve always been more focused on ideas and thoughts rather than environmental details. Even when I worked as a business news reporter, my highest priority was factual accuracy, not color commentary.

But we never know how a book might influence our lives, do we?

I started paying closer attention to my own surroundings after I read Gather the Olives. And I soon realized this was more than a passing fancy. It was only September, but deep down I knew I already had my word for 2025: notice.

I laughed when I noticed this basket of “hedgeballs” for sale at a grocery store in North Dakota. I’d be rich if I could get $1.99 for each of the hedge apples that carpet my patio every fall!

Which Meaning?

When I pick my new words each year, I often don’t know how they will relate to my life or even which form of the word will mean most to me. This time, though, I have a clear sense of the tense I should focus on.

Not notice as a noun relating to information or warning—final notice, two weeks’ notice, post a notice—but as a verb meaning to observe, perceive, acknowledge, discern, spot, recognize or pay attention.

Soon thereafter, a few things I read confirmed I was on the right track. In October, my friend Linda Stoll wrote about waking up early enough to see a glorious sunrise, which led to thoughts about what she had missed by sleeping in, literally and metaphorically.

“It made me wonder,” she explained, “not only how many stunning sunrises I’ve missed along the way, but how many noteworthy scenarios and outstanding miracles have passed me by because I was asleep at the wheel. Or preoccupied with my routines. Or too absorbed by to do-lists and busyness with things that in the light of eternity will have no value at all.”

Paying Attention

It seems almost redundant to say, but we notice more—about everything—when we pay attention. But paying attention well requires us to be fully present. Engaged with what’s right in front of us. Not focused on the future or the past or an electronic device in our hand.

It’s a worthy goal any year, but even more so this year. At least for me.

Atop a lookout tower in a Wisconsin state park, I noticed my niece and I both have watches that ONLY tell time. (I like being an analog girl in a digital world.)

Marching Orders

Since I enjoyed Lott’s writing so much in Gather the Olives, I followed that up with his book Letters and Life: On Being a Writer, On Being a Christian. Here, in a discussion about precision, I found my marching orders for 2025, at least when it comes to my word of the year.

“Precision starts with life,” Lott wrote. “Precision starts with the real. Precision starts in the experiences you yourself have had, and if you want to write—and this is the crux of the whole thing—you better pay attention to what is happening around YOU as a means by which to be precise. You better begin to look, and to see.”

To notice, in other words.

But How?

I’m not necessarily looking to become more descriptive in my writing, but there’s always room for growth and improvement. Notice is bound to have some effect on my words, but it remains to be seen how that will play out.

As I said before, though, I am trying to be more aware of my surroundings.

I suppose I could set a goal to record three observations each day in a little notebook, but that sounds a little too much like work. Instead, I’ll continue to do what I have been doing since my word came to me. Looking up and out rather than down. Paying more attention to the little things around me. Taking a photo when the opportunity arises, but not at the expense of enjoying the moment.

I nearly missed it as I rode past, but I was delighted to notice someone had decorated this little shrub near the bike path for Christmas.

I wrote a grand total of two posts about my word for 2024, so I’m not making any promises this time around. But stay tuned—I may surprise us both with what flows from my year of noticing.

• • •

Have you noticed anything interesting in your life lately? If so, please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

We never know how a book might influence our lives, do we? Share on X Paying attention well requires us to be fully present. Engaged with what’s right in front of us, not focused on the future or the past or an electronic device in our hand. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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