Don’t Be Afraid to Sound Like Yourself

In recent months, I’ve grappled with what my purpose is now that my nest is emptying. It’s still a year or two away from actually being empty, but “what next?” looms large (at least in my mind).

Perhaps this is because of that dreaded question, “What do you do?”

I love being a stay-at-home mom and homemaker. Even during the hard seasons and life phases when internal challenges were worse than external ones, I have always loved it.

Now though, with Lilly a college sophomore and Molly a high-school junior, my answer seems to fall flat. I’m 50 years old, for Pete’s sake. I should have more to say when people ask me what I do. (Shouldn’t I?)

The truth is, I’m grateful I’ve been able to stay home with my girls as they were growing up. Even though my resume has some rather large gaps in it, I wouldn’t do it differently if I had to do it again.

Beyond that, my girls still need me, albeit in different ways. Molly needs my presence; Lilly needs my words. And both of them, apparently, need my editing skills.

My girls are good students, but because they have very different academic strengths, I try to tailor my tutoring to fit the daughter in front of me.

Last fall, for example, Lilly was nearing the end of the semester and struggling to wrap her head around a final paper. During a phone conversation when she was especially frustrated, I gave her some writing tips, tried my best to encourage her and prayed for her before we said good-bye.

It helped, she texted later. “I took your suggestion and did what you said … I don’t know why, but doing what you say often actually works.”

Another day, I sat down at the dining room table with Molly and we went through a paper that she was trying to write, line by line. She was distracted by the windy conditions outside, so I had to rein her back in a few times.

I tried to teach her a few things while also retaining her unique voice. Like Lilly, she ended up with a much better paper than she had before.

The guidance I gave my girls applies whether we’re jotting down an Instagram caption, writing a rough draft, editing our own words one sentence at a time or helping someone else clarify what they want to say.

• Stick to the point. Narrow it down, don’t try to cover everything. This is easier done in shorter pieces, but it’s even more important in larger writing projects.

• Sound like yourself. Communicate in writing the same way that you talk. Molly was getting bogged down in rubrics and detailed outlines of what every sentence in her paper had to be. Just write down what you want to say and worry about rubrics later, I told her. You have a voice; use it.

• Don’t try to impress; write for your audience. This is college, Mom—it’s not high school, Lilly tells me. Yes, but you are writing a freshman paper. Sure, it’s for an honors class. But it’s not a doctoral dissertation. You are a good writer, just write. Provide the information, but keep it simple.

What’s true in writing is also true in life, I’ve found. We put so much pressure on ourselves to sound and act like we think other people think we should sound and act. Chances are, though, what they are thinking has nothing to do with us anyway. And if we know in our hearts that we are doing what God has for us right now, that’s enough.

When we run the race set before us, we can’t skip ahead to mile 23 when we’re only on mile 3. I don’t know what I’ll be doing a year from now. But I do know what I have to do today.

My girls will grow academically as they mature. It’s how the brain works as a body develops. What they are able to accomplish and understand now looks very different from what they were able to understand and accomplish in fifth grade.

The same is true for us, I think. Add a decade of life experience, and everything looks different.

Strength builds over time, one step at a time.

♥ Lois

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee, Inspire Me Monday, One Word 2021 Linkup and Grace & Truth.