We have let go of so many things this year. I started to make a list, but then I stopped. You have your own list; you don’t need to see mine.
The point is, nearly every single activity or event that we thought might happen since mid March has either not happened or been strangely modified in some way or another. And the only way I’ve been able to cope with all these cancellations and changes is to do what I’ve encouraged my girls to do since the Covid-19 closures began: hold our plans loosely.
It’s not a new message for me. I began grappling with it during our years of infertility, when learning to hold my desires for biological children loosely helped me embrace the beautiful truth that God had other plans for our family.
In the last decade—as we’ve downsized and Randy changed jobs and worked out of town, as we’ve dealt with unexpected health challenges and supported both my parents in their final months of life—this practice has become even more important.
And it’s taken on even greater meaning in recent days when we took our older daughter to college for the first time—in the midst of a global pandemic.
Learn to hold things loosely.
It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? And yet, as I shared last week, that’s the one bit of advice I would share with someone who was about to turn 40 (or any other milestone age, for that matter).
I don’t know if the learning ever stops, honestly. But given all that we’ve already been through this year, I can’t think of a better time to start.
So how do we do it? How do we loosen the death grip we have on our plans, desires, hopes, expectations and loved ones and relinquish them into the loving hands of our heavenly Father?
How exactly, in the year 2020 when nothing is turning out the way we thought it would, do we learn to hold things loosely? I don’t have all the answers, but here are seven practices that might help.
• Ask God to help you loosen your grip, and be specific. Say, “Dear Lord, this particular thing is really important to me right now; let it be less so.”
• Find a friend or mentor who lives like this and learn from his or her story.
• Pray for God’s will to be done, not yours. Over time, I don’t think there’s a more effective way to practice holding things loosely than this.
• Vocalize it. When you feel yourself gripping a future plan or desire tighter, tell yourself, “I can’t do anything about this right now, so I’m going to let it go for the next day (or hour or 15 minutes).”
• Ask God to help you not to worry about tomorrow. (See also Matthew 6:25-34)
• Investigate God’s sovereignty and goodness. He is both, fully and completely. And the more deeply we allow this truth to penetrate our hearts and inform our theology, the easier it is to trust Him.
Finally, especially in 2020:
• When you write in your planner, write in pencil.
♥ Lois
How do we learn to hold things loosely? Pray for God's will to be done, not ours. Click To Tweet How do you learn to hold things loosely in the year 2020? For starters, when you write in your planner, write in pencil. Click To TweetP.S. I’m linking up this week with Purposeful Faith, #TellHisStory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, #HeartEncouragement, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.
24 comments
I love all these, Lois! #1 is something I need to work on- sometimes I don’t even know what it is I’m specifically struggling with, I just know I’m struggling. That can make it harder to hold that thing loosely, so thinking it through and asking God specifically seems really wise. Thank you!
You make a great point, Bethany. If we don’t know what it is that we need to hold loosely, it’s hard to hold it loosely! “Everything” seems kind of general, doesn’t it? Maybe it’s more of an attitude of being willing to let go of whatever it is … and this is definitely where prayers helps, at least for me! Hugs, friend.
You share such good advice for this season and every part of our lives. “Learn to hold things loosely.”
The bottom line is that God already has it figured out. Every change in plans and every modification were not a surprise to God. Thank you for these reminders today.
Oh yes, Mary … all this stuff that catches us off guard, messes up our plans, disorients us and does who knows what else to us is never a surprise to God. There’s so much comfort in that, isn’t that? And it bears repeating again and again, as new waves of “I never saw THAT coming” seem to keep washing over us this year!
I, too, have walked the road of infertility—it came mysteriously after my 2nd child. No amount of crying, pleading, or begging changed the Lord’s mind. I pitched a fit about it for years (17 to be exact!). I blog often about trusting him even when we don’t understand what he’s doing.
Blessings,
Patti @ Clothed with Joy
That’s a wonderful topic to blog about, Patti. Aren’t you glad God is long-suffering, that He loves us despite the fits we pitch even as He is working to bring about His will in our lives? 🙂 (And I’m sorry you had to go though infertility … it’s a hard road, isn’t it?)
2020, the year of holding things loosely! Thank you for the tips. “Ask God to help you loosen your grip, and be specific” – this definitely works; when I find myself obsessing over something, I tell God and ask Him to help me let go. Great post.
Thanks so much, Wemi! I’m so glad God is gracious to help us out when we are obsessing over something, aren’t you?
Lois, all very wise suggestions. The one that resonated this morning for me was > “Investigate God’s sovereignty and goodness.” This week I have been celebrating the goodness of God to me each day. There is beauty and surprises He places in our days and if we aren’t mindful, we can easily miss them. He is good in the midst of all the changes and He is faithful and He is sovereign. May we trust Him more and more! Blessings!
What an encouraging comment, Joanne. I love that you are celebrating God’s goodness to you every day. In the midst of all the uncertainty and anxiety, His blessings still abound, don’t they? Hugs, friend!
In my planner, I write almost exclusively in pencil. It’s practical, but also a spiritual discipline. God has the eraser, and I give it back to him with my daily prayer: “your will be done.”
Michele, I’ve never thought of writing in pencil as a spiritual discipline, but it makes perfect sense! “God has the eraser.” Yes, He does, and He isn’t shy about using it, is He?
Thank you so much for sharing this timely encouragement.
Over the past several years, for some reason, I have experienced disappointment after disappointment where plans I was excited about fell through. I became resentful having a “why me?” attitude that I would have to endure so many major disappointments and then came 2020 which showed me my past disappointments were nothing compared to this year’s disappointments. All that is to say, even though I hold things loosely, I still remain a hopeful person. There is always a glimmer of hope in me that my plans will go forward, and although hope is an important attitude for our mental health, I need to ask myself, am I hoping in the circumstances or hoping in God who ordains my circumstances.
Oh Karen, I’m so sorry you’ve experienced so many disappointments in recent years. That cuts deep, doesn’t it? I think your last sentence is so important … are we hoping in circumstances or in the God who ordains them? I need to remind myself of that quite often too. Thanks so much for sharing your perspective this week.
I so often pray that God’s will be done…but what value there is in praying more specifically. That my grip be loosened and my heart’s desire to be changed – so that His will is done and I’m not disappointed. Or even really surprised.
Amen, Jennifer … your comment brings to mind the verse about God giving us the desires of our hearts. It helps me so much to remember that when we trust Him, He puts HIS desires in our hearts … Hugs, friend.
oh so good! Thank you for this practical encouragement to keep pressing on this year. And i love “write in pencil in your planner”! LOL AMEN!!!
Oh Mariel … I do love writing with a favorite pen, so it still irks me to have to write in pencil! But not as much as filling my planner with scratched-out activities, so pencil it is! So good to hear from you this week!
Thanks, Lois, for such sound tips for doing a hard thing: hold things loosely. Even though I don’t often say, “Lord willing,” I’ve hoped I had a Lord-willing-mindset. 2020 has proven that, even though making a plan is one of my favorite things, often, a Lord-willing-mindset prevails. Even so, I need reminders and helps along the way.
I love how you describe it, Natalie … “a Lord-willing mindset.” Yes, that’s exactly what we need this year, especially!
Thank you for this needed advice, Lois. I have been thinking a lot about it ever since your last post. It’s such an ongoing journey, isn’t it? I think remembering and investigating God’s sovereignty and goodness help me the most. And knowing His love will never abandon us no matter what. Love and blessings to you!
So true about this being an ongoing journey, Trudy. Just when I feel like I’ve got the right grasp on one thing, something else pops up that I need to work through! And yes—remembering that God’s steadfast love always covers us is such a comfort, isn’t it? Hugs, friend.
Powerful message, Lois. We all relate! It’s hard for Type A personalities and perfectionists (referring to a friend…not!) to hold things loosely.
The Lord gave me a similar message about not holding on to anything but Him. Because when I hold on to Jesus with everything in me, then I can let the other things go. When I hold Christ near and dear, I can’t hold other things in the same way, I hold them loosely.
That’s profound, Karen. To think that God’s hands are big enough to hold the world, but ours are meant to hold tightly only to Him.