Inside: Before we officially launch 2024 here on the blog, I’m sharing a few quick lessons about becoming an empty nester, my motivation for writing, dealing with vastly different perspectives, trusting God and how my parents live on in my children. ~
If I was more on top of things, I would have posted this while it was still 2023. But I’ve been busy spending time with daughters home from college, family in from out of town and a husband who can’t put weight on his foot after ankle surgery.
Plus, lessons learned one year carry over to the next, right? So before we officially launch 2024 here on the blog (next week with a post about my new word for the year), I’m sharing a few quick lessons from the year just past.
1. The empty nest hits each mom different.
I’ve read and heard all sorts of stories about what it’s like to leave your youngest child at college, and it seems that each experience is as unique as the person who goes through it.
I missed younger girl Molly a great deal this past semester, and older daughter Lilly too, while she was studying in Spain. I don’t recall shedding any tears about it, though. They were both where they were supposed to be, and for me, that helped tremendously with the letting go.
I’m still trying to figure out what the next phase of my life is going to look like, trusting that God will open the right doors when the time is right (more on that in a future post).
2. My parents live on in my children.
Lilly has my mom’s outgoing personality, hospitable heart and authentic desire to connect people. My dad’s calm spirit, logical nature and penchant for keeping track of details are abundantly evident in Molly.
It brings me joy and soothes my heart to see these characteristics on display in my girls, almost five years after we said good-bye to my parents.
3. My motivation behind my writing must be to encourage, not to elicit sympathy or affirmation.
When I’m brainstorming a blog post, sometimes it helps to take a step back and think about why the idea is swirling around in my head. If I’m hoping others will affirm me after reading my words, I’m finding it’s best to set that topic aside, at least for a while. (You can read more about this here.)
4. With our differences, we can cover more ground.
I haven’t stopped thinking about this statement since I first read it in a blog post my friend Ashley wrote to commemorate her 11th wedding anniversary. Randy and I agree about many topics, but sometimes, we’re so far apart in what we see, it’s as if we are looking at completely disparate scenes.
Ashley’s words remind me that our diverse perspectives can help us see more of a situation together than we could each do on our own. This, I’m finding, is particularly helpful when parenting young adults.
5. When times get difficult or wonky, we have to make an intentional decision to remember what we believe about God and hold fast to it.
This hit home not so long ago, when I realized that my biggest fear isn’t that God won’t be faithful, but that what He ordains for me or my loved ones might be hard. Will I continue to trust Him when circumstances are not to my liking, or even to my detriment? I dearly hope so.
• • •
I could keep going with the lessons from 2023, but I’ll stick to these five. And of course I’d love to know—what did you learn last year that you’ll keep close to your heart or mind in 2024? Please share in the comments.
♥ Lois
Our diverse perspectives can help us see more of a situation together than we could each do on our own. Click To Tweet If I'm honest with myself, I'd have to say that my biggest fear isn’t that God won’t be faithful, but that what He ordains for me or my loved ones might be hard. Click To TweetP.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.
16 comments
I love your list, Lois. I learned so much last year that, like you, I could come up with a long list. But maybe one of the biggest things for me is this: show up. Technically, this is something I have to learn and relearn, but it reminds me that as long as I am showing up for whatever the situation is—writing, relationships, cleaning—the result isn’t my burden to carry. If I show up and only write twenty words in a day, that’s okay. God can still use my little in a big way. Oh, and another one: have fun. While I’m showing up, find the joy in whatever it is I’m doing. Instead of second-guessing myself, think about what could I write about this time?
I love your big lesson from 2023, Ashley. “As long as I am showing up for whatever the situation is … the result isn’t my burden to carry.” A thousand amens to that, and also, I need to really learn it again and again! So thankful for you, friend.
These are all great lessons, Lois! I love that you see characteristics of your parents living on in your daughters, and I agree, it is important to consider our motivation for writing. Lesson number 5 is particularly challenging – it’s easy to question God when circumstances are not what we want.
That’s so true, Lesley. Learning to trust and be content in “whatever state we are” is hard, isn’t it? Hope you have a great week, friend.
Sounds like a very full start of the new year, friend! Praying Randy heals well! Thanks for sharing these lessons – especially #5. That is convicting!
Thanks for your prayers, Bethany. Neither of us has ever had ankle surgery before; turns out the recover is a lot more involved than we expected. Daily progress is being made, though, so I’m grateful. And yes, #5 is convicting for me too! Hugs, friend.
You’re asking questions and poking into places where many of us are—and I found myself nodding so many times as I read. Writing and parenting—great sifters of our motives!
Oh my goodness, Michele … you are so right about both of those areas of life!
I love all your reflections here, Lois! So meaningful and essential to start out the year with. The photos also. 🙂 When I see a big tree like that, I can’t help but wonder what stories it has heard over the years, or I’d love to be able to just climb up into its branches and sit there to reflect and meditate. 🙂 I identify with the motivation behind your writing. To encourage and not to seek affirmation. And as I grow older and see all that is around me, in this world and even in my own family, the urge to hold fast to God’s unchanging and faithful character becomes all the stronger. Love and blessings to you in 2024!
The tree was even more amazing in person, Trudy! I’m feeling that same urge to hold fast to God’s character as you … maybe it’s something that happens more and more the older we get? I hope 2024 holds great joy for you and your family, dear friend!
All great lessons! I agree about the empty nest situation. I feel differently about it myself on different days. 🙂 We just had all the family here for Christmas through the New Year’s Eve (one reason some of my usual end-of-December posts were late, too). Though I thoroughly enjoyed the time together and wished my oldest son could stay rather than go back to RI, I was also looking forward to a quieter schedule.
My husband just retired, and this is our first week of non-vacation, full-fledged retirement. I’m wondering what it is going to look like for both of us. I don’t like a rigid schedule, but I like something of a routine. But for a while, at least, I’m having to take each day as it comes. I imagine we’ll figure out a routine eventually.
I agree about writing motivation. It’s neat to see characteristics of your parents in your kids.
I agree about different perspectives. Sometimes I’ve been dead sure my viewpoint is right and the other person’s is wrong. But then I hear what they’re thinking and understand better. That’s something the world as a whole needs to do more often–myself included first of all.
Congrats to your husband on his retirement, Barbara! I’ll be thinking of you as you adjust to his new schedule … I know it takes time to get used to a new routine, even if the change is planned and welcome. I’m glad you got some good family time in between Christmas and New Year’s. It’s been so nice to have both girls home for the last three weeks, and it will be a quiet house once they go back to college tomorrow. Knowing they’ll be in the same place for one semester makes me happy, though, so I’m trying to focus on that right now. 🙂
‘My motivation behind my writing must be to encourage, not to elicit sympathy or affirmation.’
I’m thinking this is a constant conversation many of us have with ourselves, often unconsciously. How much do we share, how transparent should we be, is this our story to tell, and why are we going there in the first place. Only God can give us those deepest words of affirmation and comfort that others can never (and shouldn’t have to) give us. And as He does, our draining/empty wells begin to fill to overflowing and we’re freed up to focus on those around us.
Lois, thanks for going there. All of us who engage online need to consider what you’ve said.
Linda, you ask so many good questions re: that conversation we carry on with ourselves as we write. You’re helping me stir this pot a little bit more … maybe this topic needs to be explored further in a future post. 🙂
Such great lessons. I am tracking with you on analyzing why I write a post. My heart’s desire is to encourage. Of course, my humanity can really interfere. Sometimes I too feel a need to write, but set it aside for a different season. Thank you for sharing lessons from 2023 because they should carry over and remain as building blocks for the next phase of learning.
Blessings of Jesus on you and your family,
Lisa
Thanks so much, Lisa. So glad that we were able to connect this past year! I know what you mean about humanity interfering with our motivations for writing. I need to keep an eye on that too. Hugs, friend.