What I Learned This Fall

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and although the writer in me doesn’t usually don’t agree, I have to say that the following photo pretty much sums up life in the Flowers household right now.

We’ve been remodeling our kitchen this fall. Randy is doing much of the work himself (with targeted assistance from wife and daughters), but we’ve also had workers in and out of the house quite a bit these last few weeks. If you’ve ever done any extensive home improvement projects, you can imagine the smells, sounds and dust.

Oh, the dust. It’s definitely not my favorite, but I’m learning to let it go (which means letting it stay, for now). I’m also trying to lean into the season despite all the new feels that are coming with these particular holidays, which is why it seemed fitting to write “Happy Thanksgiving” on the thick layer of dust on the piano in my living room.

Life is sometimes lived among the dust, you know? I figure I might as well embrace it, along with these other learnings from the months just past.

• I don’t love workbooks anymore.

My GriefShare class came with a workbook. I took one home after the first session, but it sat in the same spot on my kitchen counter for the next three weeks. I didn’t open it once, so I brought it back to class and returned it to the facilitator.

I used to be a big fan of workbooks. I’ve even saved several from Bible studies I’ve done over the years. But apparently, they’re not my thing anymore, or at least not right now. I have other ways of processing, other ways of working through the loss of my parents. And I’m OK with that.

• There’s a time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.

My flowerbeds were pretty much neglected during the summer, but as the gardening season neared an end, I decided to tackle some work that I have been wanting to do for years.

My procrastination had more to do with not knowing what to plant rather than a lack of time, but I finally made up my mind. I went to my favorite lawn and garden center a few times and eventually came home with five fast-growing juniper bushes that are now planted along my back fence.

Before this could happen though, we had to remove the large and unwieldy rootball of an old lilac bush. Such work is not for the faint of heart, for sure. It took Randy several hours and various types of power and hand tools to wrestle the thing out of the ground.

If I’ve learned anything this last year, it’s to hold my plans—even my gardening plans—very loosely. But hope is still a thing, right? And right now, that’s the word that comes to mind when I think about what next spring will bring out in my flowerbeds.

• Dads are important to their teenage daughters.

I’ve heard read this and heard it from other moms; now I’m seeing how very true it is in my own house. I don’t know when it all started, but these days, Randy is on the receiving end of a whole lot of love from both of his girls. And as a former teenage girl who dearly loved her own dad, it warms my heart like nothing else.

• I’m not sad about the senior year.

Maybe it’s because other weights are pressing on my mind right now, but I’m not feeling overly nostalgic about all the senior things that seem to be coming one right after another. (At least not yet, anyway. Come spring, as graduation approaches, I may be singing a completely different tune.)

I know I’ll miss Lilly next year, but she’s still here now. Beyond that, as I’ve learned from friends with adult children, the parenting doesn’t stop when your children graduate from high school. They might think they know everything for a while, but they don’t stop needing us.

• They need us in different ways, though.

As my girl continues to grow and become more independent, I’m noticing a shift in my role as her mom. Rather than being a primary decision maker in her life, I’m becoming much more of a sounding board. She was a verbal processor already, so the word flow can be a lot at times. But it seems to be another normal and healthy rite of passage, so I think my ears are up for it.

• When it comes to combating the social media time suck, “Out of sight, out of mind” is a good strategy.

I don’t have email or social media apps on my phone. A while back, though—when I noticed I was wasting quite a bit of time aimlessly picking up my iPad to check messages and Instagram—a small change made a big difference. I started to check my social media platforms while I’m eating breakfast and lunch, and then I put the tablet in a drawer. If it’s not lying out on the kitchen island, I’m much less inclined to pick it up throughout the day.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should point out that our ongoing kitchen renovation has gotten me all kinds of distracted from this new practice. (When I first started writing this post, the countertops subcontractor was using some kind of noisy power tool and the whole house smelled strongly of adhesive. Today, my countertops are covered with protective paper and the subfloor is littered with debris from the backsplash work that Randy did over the weekend.(

But the out-of-sight-out-of-mind trick does work, and I’m looking forward to being more disciplined about it once the dust settles (literally) in my house.

That’s what I’ve learned this fall. How about you?

♥ Lois

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Purposeful Faith, #TellHisStory, Let’s Have Coffee, Emily Freeman, Faith on Fire, Faith ‘n Friends and Grace & Truth.