Author

Lois Flowers

What to Remember When You’re Anxious about the Road Ahead

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: We don’t need to fear what comes next—even if we think it might be difficult and perhaps even heartbreaking—because God is with us.~

Years ago, I had a bad dream.

I was in my childhood home—a turn-of-the-20th-century, three-story farmhouse on three acres. It was Sunday morning and I had to be at church by 9. A storm was brewing.

Suddenly, the storm escalated. Flood waters rose and the house—which is nowhere near a lake or river—was surrounded by water that climbed almost as high as the first-floor kitchen window.

I remember thinking, I have to get to church, and then, as the flood waters rose, I can’t go, it’s too dangerous.

I remember wondering, Will the house stand—is it solid enough to withstand the power of the water?

I continued sleeping, but that’s where my recollection ended.

Real Concerns

When morning came and I actually was getting ready for church, a song came on the radio that mentioned floods. Hearing the words brought my dream back in a rush, along with thoughts of a very real, very current situation that was causing me to feel weighed down, anxious and ill-equipped for the road ahead.

As I listened, my mind wandered back to another time in my life when I felt much the same way—inadequate, unprepared and unsure of myself.

During this particular season of parenting, my feelings mostly stemmed from what was going on inside me rather than what was happening with the child involved. There were times when I felt like I was drowning in a desert—simultaneously flooded and completely dried out.

It was overwhelming, to say the least.

In Retrospect

Now I can look back at that season and see how God sustained me and brought me through it. I see what I learned from my girl as she operated in the delightful way God made her. And how my life is better so much better for it.

It was all for a purpose—I see that now. Not through a glass darkly, as the scriptures say, but clearly.

This calmed my heart as I pondered my circumstances the morning after my bad dream. So did the theology I still cling to all these years later when circumstances overwhelm my mind and emotions constrict my heart.

Comforting Theology

Our sovereign God goes before us, every step of the way. He will never leave us or forsake us. He gently guides us, equips us and builds our faith for whatever lurks on the road in front of us.

He gives us what we need—wisdom, patience, peace, comfort, love—sometimes even before we think to ask.

We might be weak, but He is strength personified.

We may feel as if we are drowning—we may actually be sinking in the waves—but He is always there to pull us to safety.

We don’t need to fear what lies ahead—even if we have every reason to think it might be difficult and perhaps even heartbreaking—because He is with us.

Foundational Truths

These are not clichés, cobbled together with a haunting melody by some guitar-strumming guy on a worship video. They are foundational truths of the Christian faith—truths that stand firm when we are being battered about by wind and waves, floods and fires, disease and daily life.

They hold up.

Because of that, we are held up—and carried through to the other side.

• • •

On the third Tuesday of each month, I send out a subscriber-only email newsletter called Courage, Dear Heart. If you haven’t signed up for the newsletter yet, I’d love for you to do so here:

Click Here to Subscribe

As my way of saying thanks, you’ll receive a free copy of my 7-day devotional, Faith, Fear, and the God Who Goes Before Us.

If you fill out the subscription form and don’t receive anything in your inbox, check your junk or spam folder for the confirmation email. And be sure to add the newsletter’s email address to your safe list so you don’t miss anything else.

♥ Lois

God gently guides us, equips us and builds our faith for whatever lurks on the road in front of us. Share on X God gives us what we need—wisdom, patience, peace, comfort, love—sometimes even before we think to ask. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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We Didn’t Understand Then, but We Do Now

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: How past regrets and hard seasons can help us make a difference in someone else’s life today. ~

A while back, I came across a poignant line in a book I was editing: I wish I’d understood this concept years ago.

As I recall, the author was writing about boundaries and forgiveness—difficult concepts to comprehend and practice, for sure. But the statement could apply to many other topics and issues, depending on who you ask.

I’m guessing most of us could examine our lives and identify principles that took us a long time to grasp, insights that could only have come from prolonged wilderness seasons, and perhaps even lessons we’re still struggling to learn.

Giving Ourselves Grace

I understand the point my editing client was trying to make. If I had been sitting across from her in a coffee shop instead of editing her words on my laptop, though, I think I would have encouraged her to give herself grace.

I’d extend the same to myself—and also to you—when we’re tempted to lament our lack of past understanding.

Maybe we didn’t get it—whatever it was—because we didn’t want to. But perhaps we didn’t understand it back then because we couldn’t understand it. Maybe—for reasons we may never know—we weren’t developmentally, emotionally or spiritually ready to grasp the concept just yet.

Whatever the case, all we have is today. And we do understand it now—better than we did before, anyway.

So what difference does it make today? What difference could it make tomorrow?

A Personal Example

When I look back to my parents’ last months in early 2019, I regret that I didn’t ask them more questions about how they were feeling and what they were thinking. At the time, they were sharing a room at a long-term care facility near my home, each navigating an unexpected and heart-breaking decline in health.

Chances are, they may not have wanted or been able to answer questions that required much introspection. But I wish now that I had not be so afraid to ask.

Fast forward several years. Sometime in 2024, I began visiting a friend who had terminal cancer.

Talking to someone with whom you’ve recently reconnected isn’t quite the same as talking with your beloved parents in their final months. And yet, my experience with my mom and dad had a freeing impact on my interactions with my friend, particularly after she began receiving hospice care.

What Happened

I’d sit with her in the cozy living room of her Victorian home. We’d talk and laugh—sometimes through tears—about all sorts of topics relating to what she was feeling and expecting to face in the near future. She always wanted to hear about what was going on with me too—the happy and the hard.

In addition to a keen sense of humor, my friend had a deep faith, a commitment to prayer and a passion for keeping things real.

She was going before me in a journey we all will take some day. By sharing transparently from her life, she gave me a peek at the process. Watching her emboldened and encouraged me.

My Friend’s Legacy

Sadly, my friend passed away a few weeks ago. But her faithful example lives on—and not just for me.

We’ve all been through hard seasons, haven’t we? And when we are willing to share those experiences with people who are brave enough to ask, it changes us and them.

Our stories aren’t for everyone. But they are for certain people. Let’s pray for God to bring them our way—and to give us eyes to see who they may be.

• • •

Is there a lesson you wish you had learned earlier than you did? How has understanding it later affected your life? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

We’ve all been through hard seasons. And when we're willing to share those experiences with people who are brave enough to ask, it changes us and them. Share on X Our stories aren’t for everyone. But they are for certain people. Let’s pray for God to bring them our way—and to give us eyes to see who they may be. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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When Our Hard Seasons Make Us Better Encouragers

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: God comforts us in our troubles, which prepares us to reach out to other struggling people with the compassion and understanding that they need. ~

When I’m working on an editing project, I keep an eye out for overused words. Repetition sometimes works well for dramatic effect, but it’s usually better to eliminate words or phrases that appear more than once or twice in a paragraph.

Fortunately, though, the Apostle Paul wasn’t fixated on editing rules when he wrote the first chapter of 2 Corinthians. In the space of six sentences, he used some variation of the word comfort no less than nine times, including four mentions in these familiar verses:

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

The Comfort Cycle

Theologians may have more sophisticated terminology for describing this process, but I like to call it the comfort cycle. And it’s pretty efficient, if you ask me. God comforts us in our troubles so we can later comfort other people with same kind of comfort that He first bestowed on us.

I’m so thankful for people I’ve known during different seasons of my life who shared encouragement that can only come from someone who has “been there.” Through infertility, job transitions, hormonal upheaval, loved ones’ health problems, parent loss and more, I don’t know how I would have coped without the prayers and support of these empathetic friends.

Granted, not everyone jumps at the chance to do this. Understandably, some people prefer to protect themselves from the emotional stress that can flow from recalling personal struggles and heartaches. The vulnerability that accompanies sharing certain experiences can be scary. Sometimes the wounds are too deep or the hurt too fresh.

But when one person is willing to relive sadness or pain because she believes it might comfort another person, it’s a beautiful thing indeed.

Different Seasons, Different Responses

When my girls were younger, I remember hearing older moms say, “You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to those days.” Although this comment isn’t particularly helpful, I get it. Parenting toddlers can be exhausting in every possible way, and for some, it’s a relief to watch those years grow dim in the rearview mirror.

I noticed something different during my parents’ last years, however. I had a few friends whose elderly parents suffered from Alzheimer’s disease before they died, and not once did any of these friends ever express any sort of gratefulness about being done with this difficult season.

The truth is, there’s something incredibly poignant about watching a parent near the end of his or her life in such a heartrending way. It’s hard and lonely and sad, but—as is the case with many life-changing trials—it’s often difficult to articulate any of that to someone who hasn’t been through it personally.

Divine Recycling Process

These dear ones gently offered encouragement, empathy and practical advice because they knew what it’s like. They probably would have given anything to be able to spend just a few more moments with their own loved ones, but because that wasn’t possible, they were willing to draw from their experiences to help me.

It’s been said that God never wastes a hurt. And when we reach out to hurting people who are right now where we once were, we get to participate in His divine recycling process.

And the comfort cycle continues.

• • •

Have you ever been a participant in the comfort cycle, either as giver or receiver of care? Please share in the comments.

• • •

No Post Here Next Week

Next week, I’ll send out my subscriber-only, email newsletter, Courage, Dear Heart, which replaces my third blog post of each month. If you haven’t had a chance to sign up for the newsletter yet, I’d love for you to do so here:

Click Here to Subscribe

As my way of saying thanks, you’ll receive a free copy of my 7-day devotional, Faith, Fear, and the God Who Goes Before Us.

If you fill out the subscription form and don’t receive anything in your inbox, check your junk or spam folder for the confirmation email. And be sure to add the newsletter’s email address to your safe list so you don’t miss anything else.

♥ Lois

God comforts us in our troubles so we can later comfort other people with same kind of comfort that He first bestowed on us. Share on X God never wastes a hurt. And when we reach out to hurting people who are right now where we once were, we get to participate in His divine recycling process. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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A Helpful Lesson from the High School Parking Lot

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: We have to drive defensively, but we can’t live defensively. Not if we want to have a sweet influence in a culture where angst and outrage are so prevalent. ~

It’s been nearly a decade since my older daughter started driving, but there are some things a mother does not forget.

For example, one of the fun aspects of parenting a newly independent driver is getting texts like this in the morning: “Got to school, almost ran over a girl who wasn’t watching where she was going but we both lived.”

This is how they learn, right? Driving alone, near-misses, maybe even some actual bumps and scrapes here and there. Eventually—hopefully—defensive driving becomes second nature.

Constant Vigilance

Especially in the parking lot and on the access roads around the school, where AirPod-wearing high-school students regularly cross in front of you without looking up. Where you never know when one of the middle-schoolers from the building next door is going to fall off his bike onto the road or push his friend off the sidewalk right into your vehicle.

As I told Lilly many times when she first started driving herself to school, you have to be on your guard constantly. You have to assume that anyone who comes into your line of sight is going to step right in front of you without warning. You have to be prepared for the person in the car in front you to slam on his or her brakes for no apparent reason.

In other words, to prevent the worst-case scenario in the high school parking lot, you have to learn to expect it.

More Importantly …

But there’s also something else you have to remember—maybe the most important thing of all. You can’t take anything the pedestrians or other drivers do personally.

People can be careless, but they can also make honest mistakes. (Trust me, I’ve made a few myself.) Some are flat-out jerks, but others are just having a bad day.

The problem is, we often don’t know which scenario we’re dealing with—in crowded parking lots as well as online and in other areas of our daily lives.

Let it Go

It’s easy to judge the motivations of people who do things we don’t like or inconvenience us in some way. But there’s a line between sticking up for yourself (and others) when it’s necessary and being offended at everything, all the time.

This is sort of risky, because sometimes people actually mean to hurt us. We have to be wise, especially when we are looking out for the wellbeing of people for whom we are responsible.

Most times, though, I think the best response is to smile and let it go.

We have to drive defensively, but we can’t live defensively. Not if we want to have a godly influence in a culture where angst and outrage are so prevalent.

Parking Lot Grace

This reminds me of a time I was walking to my car at Wal-Mart and a lady almost backed her vehicle right into me and my shopping cart. She obviously should have been paying more attention, but she was so apologetic I almost felt sorry for her.

Rather than get annoyed or upset, I simply smiled and told her not to worry about it. Later, I thought of a fitting way to describe what I had offered her—and what has been extended to me more times than I care to remember.

I call it parking lot grace. And perhaps you’ll agree that its application reaches well beyond the Wal-Mart and high-school parking lots.

• • •

Have you ever been the giver or recipient of parking-lot grace? Either in an actual parking lot or some other setting? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

We have to drive defensively, but we can’t live defensively. Not if we want to have a godly influence in a culture where angst and outrage are so prevalent. Share on X There’s a line between sticking up for yourself when it's necessary and being offended at everything, all the time. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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It’s OK to Be Specific When You Pray

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: If you think God doesn’t want to hear—or maybe even disapproves of—detailed prayers, this Old Testament example indicates otherwise. ~

I started reading through a new Bible last year.

I don’t know if it’s the Holy Spirit’s prompting or the lack of underlines and highlights, but perusing an unmarked page helps me notice aspects of biblical narratives I may have never considered before. Take, for example, the account in Genesis of Abraham sending his trusted servant to find a wife for son Isaac among Abraham’s kindred.

Along with 10 camels and “all sorts of choice gifts from his master,” the servant traveled to Mesopotamia, where Abraham’s brother Nahor lived (Genesis 24:10). When the servant reached his destination, he stopped at a well outside the city and made the camels kneel down. Then he prayed.

“O Lord, God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham. Behold, I am standing by the spring of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water.  Let the young woman to whom I shall say, ‘Please let down your jar that I may drink,’ and who shall say, ‘Drink, and I will water your camels’—let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master.” (Genesis 24:12-14, ESV)

An Immediate Answer

Before Abraham’s servant even finished praying, Nahor’s beautiful and unmarried daughter Rebekah appeared at the well with her jug. When the servant asked her for some water, she gave him a drink, offered to water all his camels, told him who she was and assured him he was welcome to spend the night at her father’s house.

Later, Rebekah willingly accompanied the servant back home to marry Isaac.

I was familiar with this story, but as I read the servant’s prayer in my new Bible, I was struck by how specific it is. I’m not suggesting that we take a random passage out the Old Testament and turn it into an entire prayer strategy (although this has been done before). But if we think God doesn’t want to hear—or maybe even disapproves of—detailed prayers, we might think again.

Our responsibility as children of our heavenly Father is to approach prayer with the understanding that God’s ways are not our ways. He may have other plans for us, and the outcome of any given situation may look nothing like what we’d prefer. When our hearts remember this, it helps us hold our desires loosely as we share very specific requests with God.

Thy Will Be Done

I’m not talking about telling God what to do, of course. When I veer in this direction, as I am prone to do, the biblical phrase that Mitford author Jan Karon calls “the prayer that never fails” helps reorient me: Thy will be done (Matthew 6:10).

The fact that God answered Abraham’s servant’s prayer down to the smallest detail doesn’t guarantee that He will do the same for us. But it should encourage us to humbly pour out our hearts to Him about anything that might be concerning or perplexing us.

In God’s sovereignty, He knows what is best for us, just like He knew what was best for Isaac and Rebekah. And He will answer our prayers in His timing, according to His perfect will—whether they are short and succinct or long and detailed.

• • •

Since we’re all wired differently, I’m guessing some of us like to keep our prayers simple, while others of us tend to get more specific. Where do you find yourself these days? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

God may have other plans for us, and the outcome of any given situation may look nothing like what we’d prefer. Remembering this helps us hold our desires loosely as we share very specific requests with Him. Share on X God will answer our prayers in His timing, according to His perfect will—whether they are short and succinct or long and detailed. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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A Helpful Motto for When You’re Exhausted and Overwhelmed

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: During seasons of acute exhaustion or stress, if others can do work that we’re struggling to do, we might need to step aside and let them. Here’s what that could look like. ~

Years ago, I had an email conversation that made me want to drop everything and take a sympathy nap.

Every sentence oozed discouragement as my formerly energetic friend described how exhausted she was. How she had to drag herself through each day. How void she was of enthusiasm and vision.

Her words reminded me of a season when I felt much like she was feeling. I didn’t have near the full plate that my friend carried at the time, but I know what it’s like to trudge around all day in a perpetual state of overwhelmedness.

I’m not talking about being a bit too busy or somewhat over-committed. Rather, this has to do with the kind of mind-numbing fatigue that stems from circumstantial, hormonal, relational or physical factors that often are beyond our control.

A Helpful Motto

When I was in the middle of all that, there was a little phrase that guided how I used my time and energy:

“Only do what only I can do.”

Contrary to what we sometimes think, we are not indispensable. And during seasons of acute exhaustion or stress, if there are others who can do work that we’re struggling to do, we might need to step aside and let them.

Here’s a case in point. I used to work in the children’s ministry at church, teaching a class of fifth and sixth graders once a month. There were some great kids in this class, including my own daughter. But because of my depleted state, I often found my patience wearing thin and my irritability level rising as I tried to get them to focus.

Time for a Change?

When I began to dread going to church on those Sundays when I had to teach, I started to wonder if it might be time for a change. The turning point came when I realized that I would not want someone with my attitude teaching my own daughters. Maybe it was time to move on to something else.

The children’s pastor graciously let me off the hook. I relinquished my teacher title knowing there were other people who could oversee the class. My little motto gave me the freedom to let go and find ways to serve that better matched my gifts and personality.

That wasn’t the only thing I dropped or said no to during those years. I turned down leadership opportunities. I didn’t sign up to be a room parent at my daughters’ elementary school (though I did make treats for class parties). I didn’t volunteer for much of anything, really.

At times, I felt selfish and guilty. I wondered if people were disappointed in me, and maybe they were. But during that season of my life, I had to put my own oxygen mask on first before I could help anyone else.

So I only did what only I could do.

Top Priorities

For me, this mostly included taking care of my home and family. Beyond my household and caregiving duties, I focused on what I thought was important, even if it tuckered me out. For example, when my older daughter Lilly was in fourth and fifth grade, she wanted me to have lunch with her once a week. The cafeteria was noisy and the kids were rambunctious, but I went because I sensed she needed me.

I’m not suggesting weary people should never participate in activities or ministries that take them out of their so-called “comfort zones” or don’t seem to fit their obvious skill sets. Sometimes when the call for “all hands on deck” goes out, it is our moral or spiritual obligation to answer it, no matter how fatigued we are.

Also, the practice of only doing what only you can do isn’t necessarily a permanent decision-making strategy. You might be worn out now, but you probably won’t be worn out forever. Seasons change, energy levels go back up, enthusiasm returns. It might require medical intervention from time to time, but it does happen.

For a while, I had so much margin in my life there was hardly room for anything else. As I started to feel more like my normal self, I began adding things back in. But only very strategically.

One Step at a Time

I haven’t forgotten what those tired days were like. In the years since then, I’ve had to cut back again—more than once, and sometimes even more drastically.

God is faithful to restore, but His timing often looks nothing like ours. Which is why our walk of faith is always one step at a time.

If you are slogging through your own weary season right now, I know words from me won’t change much. But I do understand.

You are making a difference, even if you see no tangible proof right now. So hang in there. It won’t always be like this.

And if it gets worse before it gets better, as it sometimes does, take a tip from someone who’s been there and only do what only you can do.

It’s hard to let go, but it’s worth it.

• • •

No Post Here Next Week

Next week, I’ll send out my subscriber-only, email newsletter, Courage, Dear Heart, which replaces my third blog post of each month.

If you filled out the subscription form and haven’t received anything yet, the confirmation email probably went to your junk or spam folder. If you can’t find it there, please subscribe again and check those folders for the opt-in message. Be sure to add the newsletter’s email address to your safe list so you don’t miss anything else.

If you haven’t had a chance to sign up for the newsletter yet, you can do so here:

Click Here to Subscribe

As my way of saying thanks, you’ll receive a free copy of my 7-day devotional, Faith, Fear, and the God Who Goes Before Us.

♥ Lois

We are not indispensable. And during seasons of acute exhaustion or stress, if there are others who can do work that we’re struggling to do, we might need to step aside and let them. Share on X God is faithful to restore, but His timing often looks nothing like ours. Which is why our walk of faith is always one step at a time. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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