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Lois Flowers

What Kept Me Grounded When Nothing Else Made Sense

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Why I’m posting here this week even though it would have been easier to take a break. ~

I have gone back and forth about what to share here this week more times than I can count.

The problem, if you want to call it that, is that my mind is full. Packed to the brim with thoughts about the last month, which included my older daughter Lilly’s wedding in Northwest Arkansas, and the last year, which included my own recovery from a traumatic accident.

The wedding was wonderful in every way. And after many months of healing and rest, I’m finally starting to get some ideas about what to share from this season of my life that might be helpful to other people facing their own life-shifting challenges.

It’s All Good …

And I’m very thankful. But it’s a lot to ponder, even for a mental processor like me.

I’m also writing a couple of articles for my alma mater’s alumni magazine, working on some time-sensitive household projects that didn’t get done in the lead-up to the wedding, preparing for a weekend visit from Lilly and her new husband, and anticipating what I tenderly call Parental Remembrance Season.

In other words, if there were ever an occasion to skip a regular blog post, this might be it.

Except …

It’s the week before Easter.

I’ve often wondered what this last year would have been like if I didn’t have a relationship with Jesus and the hope of eternal life. Truly, my belief in a risen Savior who is good, sovereign and loving kept me grounded even when nothing else made sense.

To paraphrase the old Gaither song, the only reason we can face tomorrow is because He lives.

So here I am. My mind is full, but so is my heart. As Psalm 68:19 simply puts it, “Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation.”

Happy Easter, dear friend.

♥ Lois

This last year, my belief in a risen Savior who is good, sovereign and loving kept me grounded even when nothing else made sense. Share on X
Photo by Molly Flowers

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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A Marriage Analogy That Holds Up Well Over Time

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: There’s no end to the figurative language people use to describe marriage. But as we get ready to celebrate 32 years together, my husband’s metaphor is my favorite. ~

On March 26, Randy and I will celebrate our 32nd anniversary.

The accident that impacted so much of my life during the last year happened on March 25, 2025. I have no memory of that day or the day we passed the 31-year mark. We didn’t even exchange the cards and gifts we’d purchased for each other until I came home from the hospital weeks later.

On our wedding day in 1994, we promised to love and cherish each other in sickness and in health. Over the years, Randy has kept that vow exceptionally well.

And in the months that followed my accident, how he responded to something I never dreamed would happen was exactly how I would have imagined him to be, had I imagined it.

He was faithful and true, one often-stressful day at a time. And I’m so thankful for him.

I don’t write much about marriage. But in 2015, a few days before our 21st anniversary, I tapped out a few thoughts about married life.

Turns out, what I wrote 11 years ago is still relevant today. Here’s an updated excerpt.

An Analogy

There’s no end to the figurative language people use to describe marriage. A quick internet search reveals that, depending on how you look at it, marriage is akin to: a journey, a roller-coaster ride, maintaining a house, a car without a warranty (which requires both partners to do most of the work themselves), a triangle or growing a temperamental plant.

Randy thought of another analogy that I like much better (and not just because it involves the only grade-school field day event I was ever good at).

At this stage of our lives, marriage is like a three-legged race. When everything is in sync and working properly, it’s like a smoothly operating machine. But the rhythm that sometimes looks so effortless can get out of whack quickly, especially when there are significant differences in height and speed between the partners.

It’s easy to trip and fall, to get tangled up. It takes effort to get upright and find that perfect pace again.

And as much as you’d like it to be, the effort isn’t always equal. Sometimes, one half struggles so much that the other has to hoist her up somehow and carry her for a while. (This was definitely the case in our marriage last year. Even when I wasn’t aware of it, Randy was carrying me—gently and patiently.)

Common Factors

So what does it take for a three-legged race (and marriage) partnership to work? I’ve narrowed it down to four common factors: 1. Connection material that is secure and stable. 2. A commitment to stick together, no matter what. 3. Always going in the same direction. 4. A sense of humor.

Randy is seven inches taller than me. Our personalities, though similar in some ways, are also quite opposite. We have different ways of processing, different ways of handling stress, different ways of expressing emotion, different ways of getting things done.

And yet, after 32 years, we’re still connected. We still fit. We’re still in this together.

I’ve said it before but it bears repeating. I’m so grateful.

Let the race continue.

• • •

Is there an analogy or metaphor that comes to mind when you think of marriage? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

At this stage of our lives, marriage is like a three-legged race. Share on X Successful three-legged race partnerships and marriages that last have several common features, starting with connection material that is secure and stable. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Feelings Come and Go, but Faith Endures

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to how we worship, pray and speak about our relationship with God. At times, a lack of spiritual energy might just mean we’re tired.~

Have you ever felt like a mediocre believer because you didn’t think you were “on fire” for Jesus? Perhaps even experienced guilt because of it?

I don’t know when the on-fire metaphor first became popular in Christian circles—maybe during the Jesus Movement of the 1970s? Intertwining fire with faith not a new idea, of course. The disciples on the road to Emmaus said they felt their “hearts burning” as Jesus explained the scriptures to them (Luke 24:32). When the Holy Spirit came at Pentecost, tongues of fire rested on the disciples (Acts 2:2-4).

The Bible also speaks often of the “refiner’s fire”—the work of God that tests and shapes our faith and character. And God Himself is described as “a consuming fire” in Hebrews 12:29.

Even So …

None of these have to do with that passionate, on-fire feeling frequently associated with youth camps and mountaintop experiences. Such feelings are real, often valid and sometimes life-changing. But because they’re not necessarily sustainable, not having them can often be a source of guilt.

Don’t get me wrong: Heart-felt devotion to Jesus is important. Revelation 3:16 talks about the danger of letting our faith becoming lukewarm, rather than being hot or cold.

And Romans 12:11-12 gives us some detailed instructions about how to avoid this condition: “Never let the fire in your heart go out. Keep it alive. Serve the Lord. When you hope, be joyful. When you suffer, be patient. When you pray, be faithful” (NIRV).

Many Factors

Unfortunately, what is sometimes overlooked in conversations about having fires in our hearts—or, as other translations put it, being “fervent in spirit”—is that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to this. So many things factor into the equation of how we worship, how we speak and write about our faith, how we serve, how we read the Bible and how we feel when we pray.

Upbringing, personality and season of life all play a role, some larger than others.

For example, although I get excited about certain topics, activities and people, I don’t think I’ve ever used the words on fire to describe myself—about anything, really. It’s just not how I’m wired.

A Simple Realization

I’m usually OK with this, but sometimes my perspective needs a little tweaking. During one of those seasons in the wilderness when the best I could do was keep putting one foot in front of the other, I came to a simple realization. A lack of spiritual energy doesn’t mean you’re dead. It might just mean you’re tired.

Feelings come and feelings go, don’t they?  We may feel like we’re “on fire” for God today; we may not tomorrow.

What matters most—when we’re slogging through a long drought of the soul or enjoying an amazingly fruitful season—is that we’re working on our relationship with Jesus just like we work on any other relationship that is important to us—with consistency, purpose and diligence.

Deeper Intimacy

As Eugene Peterson explains in A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, this process is what results in deeper intimacy with God:

“We think that if we don’t feel something there can be no authenticity in doing it,” he writes. “But the wisdom of God says something different: that we can act ourselves into a new way of feeling much quicker than we can feel ourselves into a new way of acting. Worship is an act that develops feelings for God, not a feeling for God that is expressed in an act of worship. When we obey the command to praise God in worship, our deep, essential need to be in relationship with God is nurtured.”

It’s counterintuitive, for sure. But it is worth the effort—especially over the long haul.

• • •

No Post Here Next Week

Next week, I’ll send out my subscriber-only, email newsletter, Courage, Dear Heart, which replaces my third blog post of each month. If you haven’t signed up for the newsletter yet, I’d love for you to do so here:

Click Here to Subscribe

As my way of saying thanks, you’ll receive a free copy of my 7-day devotional, Faith, Fear, and the God Who Goes Before Us.

If you fill out the subscription form and don’t receive anything in your inbox, check your junk or spam folder for the confirmation email. And be sure to add the newsletter’s email address to your safe list so you don’t miss anything else.

♥ Lois

Feelings come and feelings go, don’t they? We may feel like we’re “on fire” for God today; we may not tomorrow. Share on X What matters most in any season is that we’re working on our relationship with Jesus just like we work on any other relationship that is important to us—with consistency, purpose and diligence. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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What to Remember When You’re Anxious about the Road Ahead

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: We don’t need to fear what comes next—even if we think it might be difficult and perhaps even heartbreaking—because God is with us.~

Years ago, I had a bad dream.

I was in my childhood home—a turn-of-the-20th-century, three-story farmhouse on three acres. It was Sunday morning and I had to be at church by 9. A storm was brewing.

Suddenly, the storm escalated. Flood waters rose and the house—which is nowhere near a lake or river—was surrounded by water that climbed almost as high as the first-floor kitchen window.

I remember thinking, I have to get to church, and then, as the flood waters rose, I can’t go, it’s too dangerous.

I remember wondering, Will the house stand—is it solid enough to withstand the power of the water?

I continued sleeping, but that’s where my recollection ended.

Real Concerns

When morning came and I actually was getting ready for church, a song came on the radio that mentioned floods. Hearing the words brought my dream back in a rush, along with thoughts of a very real, very current situation that was causing me to feel weighed down, anxious and ill-equipped for the road ahead.

As I listened, my mind wandered back to another time in my life when I felt much the same way—inadequate, unprepared and unsure of myself.

During this particular season of parenting, my feelings mostly stemmed from what was going on inside me rather than what was happening with the child involved. There were times when I felt like I was drowning in a desert—simultaneously flooded and completely dried out.

It was overwhelming, to say the least.

In Retrospect

Now I can look back at that season and see how God sustained me and brought me through it. I see what I learned from my girl as she operated in the delightful way God made her. And how my life is better so much better for it.

It was all for a purpose—I see that now. Not through a glass darkly, as the scriptures say, but clearly.

This calmed my heart as I pondered my circumstances the morning after my bad dream. So did the theology I still cling to all these years later when circumstances overwhelm my mind and emotions constrict my heart.

Comforting Theology

Our sovereign God goes before us, every step of the way. He will never leave us or forsake us. He gently guides us, equips us and builds our faith for whatever lurks on the road in front of us.

He gives us what we need—wisdom, patience, peace, comfort, love—sometimes even before we think to ask.

We might be weak, but He is strength personified.

We may feel as if we are drowning—we may actually be sinking in the waves—but He is always there to pull us to safety.

We don’t need to fear what lies ahead—even if we have every reason to think it might be difficult and perhaps even heartbreaking—because He is with us.

Foundational Truths

These are not clichés, cobbled together with a haunting melody by some guitar-strumming guy on a worship video. They are foundational truths of the Christian faith—truths that stand firm when we are being battered about by wind and waves, floods and fires, disease and daily life.

They hold up.

Because of that, we are held up—and carried through to the other side.

• • •

On the third Tuesday of each month, I send out a subscriber-only email newsletter called Courage, Dear Heart. If you haven’t signed up for the newsletter yet, I’d love for you to do so here:

Click Here to Subscribe

As my way of saying thanks, you’ll receive a free copy of my 7-day devotional, Faith, Fear, and the God Who Goes Before Us.

If you fill out the subscription form and don’t receive anything in your inbox, check your junk or spam folder for the confirmation email. And be sure to add the newsletter’s email address to your safe list so you don’t miss anything else.

♥ Lois

God gently guides us, equips us and builds our faith for whatever lurks on the road in front of us. Share on X God gives us what we need—wisdom, patience, peace, comfort, love—sometimes even before we think to ask. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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We Didn’t Understand Then, but We Do Now

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: How past regrets and hard seasons can help us make a difference in someone else’s life today. ~

A while back, I came across a poignant line in a book I was editing: “I wish I’d understood this concept years ago.”

As I recall, the author was writing about boundaries and forgiveness—difficult concepts to comprehend and practice, for sure. But the statement could apply to many other topics and issues, depending on who you ask.

I’m guessing most of us could examine our lives and identify principles that took us a long time to grasp, insights that could only have come from prolonged wilderness seasons, and perhaps even lessons we’re still struggling to learn.

Giving Ourselves Grace

I understand the point my editing client was trying to make. If I had been sitting across from her in a coffee shop instead of editing her words on my laptop, though, I think I would have encouraged her to give herself grace.

I’d extend the same to myself—and also to you—when we’re tempted to lament our lack of past understanding.

Maybe we didn’t get it—whatever it was—because we didn’t want to. But perhaps we didn’t understand it back then because we couldn’t understand it. Maybe—for reasons we may never know—we weren’t developmentally, emotionally or spiritually ready to grasp the concept just yet.

Whatever the case, all we have is today. And we do understand it now—better than we did before, anyway.

So what difference does it make today? What difference could it make tomorrow?

A Personal Example

When I look back to my parents’ last months in early 2019, I regret that I didn’t ask them more questions about how they were feeling and what they were thinking. At the time, they were sharing a room at a long-term care facility near my home, each navigating an unexpected and heart-breaking decline in health.

Chances are, they may not have wanted or been able to answer questions that required much introspection. But I wish now that I had not be so afraid to ask.

Fast forward several years. Sometime in 2024, I began visiting a friend who had terminal cancer.

Talking to someone with whom you’ve recently reconnected isn’t quite the same as talking with your beloved parents in their final months. And yet, my experience with my mom and dad had a freeing impact on my interactions with my friend, particularly after she began receiving hospice care.

What Happened

I’d sit with her in the cozy living room of her Victorian home. We’d talk and laugh—sometimes through tears—about all sorts of topics relating to what she was feeling and expecting to face in the near future. She always wanted to hear about what was going on with me too—the happy and the hard.

In addition to a keen sense of humor, my friend had a deep faith, a commitment to prayer and a passion for keeping things real.

She was going before me in a journey we all will take some day. By sharing transparently from her life, she gave me a peek at the process. Watching her emboldened and encouraged me.

My Friend’s Legacy

Sadly, my friend passed away a few weeks ago. But her faithful example lives on—and not just for me.

We’ve all been through hard seasons, haven’t we? And when we are willing to share those experiences with people who are brave enough to ask, it changes us and them.

Our stories aren’t for everyone. But they are for certain people. Let’s pray for God to bring them our way—and to give us eyes to see who they may be.

• • •

Is there a lesson you wish you had learned earlier than you did? How has understanding it later affected your life? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

We’ve all been through hard seasons. And when we're willing to share those experiences with people who are brave enough to ask, it changes us and them. Share on X Our stories aren’t for everyone. But they are for certain people. Let’s pray for God to bring them our way—and to give us eyes to see who they may be. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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When Our Hard Seasons Make Us Better Encouragers

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: God comforts us in our troubles, which prepares us to reach out to other struggling people with the compassion and understanding that they need. ~

When I’m working on an editing project, I keep an eye out for overused words. Repetition sometimes works well for dramatic effect, but it’s usually better to eliminate words or phrases that appear more than once or twice in a paragraph.

Fortunately, though, the Apostle Paul wasn’t fixated on editing rules when he wrote the first chapter of 2 Corinthians. In the space of six sentences, he used some variation of the word comfort no less than nine times, including four mentions in these familiar verses:

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

The Comfort Cycle

Theologians may have more sophisticated terminology for describing this process, but I like to call it the comfort cycle. And it’s pretty efficient, if you ask me. God comforts us in our troubles so we can later comfort other people with same kind of comfort that He first bestowed on us.

I’m so thankful for people I’ve known during different seasons of my life who shared encouragement that can only come from someone who has “been there.” Through infertility, job transitions, hormonal upheaval, loved ones’ health problems, parent loss and more, I don’t know how I would have coped without the prayers and support of these empathetic friends.

Granted, not everyone jumps at the chance to do this. Understandably, some people prefer to protect themselves from the emotional stress that can flow from recalling personal struggles and heartaches. The vulnerability that accompanies sharing certain experiences can be scary. Sometimes the wounds are too deep or the hurt too fresh.

But when one person is willing to relive sadness or pain because she believes it might comfort another person, it’s a beautiful thing indeed.

Different Seasons, Different Responses

When my girls were younger, I remember hearing older moms say, “You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to those days.” Although this comment isn’t particularly helpful, I get it. Parenting toddlers can be exhausting in every possible way, and for some, it’s a relief to watch those years grow dim in the rearview mirror.

I noticed something different during my parents’ last years, however. I had a few friends whose elderly parents suffered from Alzheimer’s disease before they died, and not once did any of these friends ever express any sort of gratefulness about being done with this difficult season.

The truth is, there’s something incredibly poignant about watching a parent near the end of his or her life in such a heartrending way. It’s hard and lonely and sad, but—as is the case with many life-changing trials—it’s often difficult to articulate any of that to someone who hasn’t been through it personally.

Divine Recycling Process

These dear ones gently offered encouragement, empathy and practical advice because they knew what it’s like. They probably would have given anything to be able to spend just a few more moments with their own loved ones, but because that wasn’t possible, they were willing to draw from their experiences to help me.

It’s been said that God never wastes a hurt. And when we reach out to hurting people who are right now where we once were, we get to participate in His divine recycling process.

And the comfort cycle continues.

• • •

Have you ever been a participant in the comfort cycle, either as giver or receiver of care? Please share in the comments.

• • •

No Post Here Next Week

Next week, I’ll send out my subscriber-only, email newsletter, Courage, Dear Heart, which replaces my third blog post of each month. If you haven’t had a chance to sign up for the newsletter yet, I’d love for you to do so here:

Click Here to Subscribe

As my way of saying thanks, you’ll receive a free copy of my 7-day devotional, Faith, Fear, and the God Who Goes Before Us.

If you fill out the subscription form and don’t receive anything in your inbox, check your junk or spam folder for the confirmation email. And be sure to add the newsletter’s email address to your safe list so you don’t miss anything else.

♥ Lois

God comforts us in our troubles so we can later comfort other people with same kind of comfort that He first bestowed on us. Share on X God never wastes a hurt. And when we reach out to hurting people who are right now where we once were, we get to participate in His divine recycling process. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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