Author

Lois Flowers

When Our Hard Seasons Make Us Better Encouragers

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: God comforts us in our troubles, which prepares us to reach out to other struggling people with the compassion and understanding that they need. ~

When I’m working on an editing project, I keep an eye out for overused words. Repetition sometimes works well for dramatic effect, but it’s usually better to eliminate words or phrases that appear more than once or twice in a paragraph.

Fortunately, though, the Apostle Paul wasn’t fixated on editing rules when he wrote the first chapter of 2 Corinthians. In the space of six sentences, he used some variation of the word comfort no less than nine times, including four mentions in these familiar verses:

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

The Comfort Cycle

Theologians may have more sophisticated terminology for describing this process, but I like to call it the comfort cycle. And it’s pretty efficient, if you ask me. God comforts us in our troubles so we can later comfort other people with same kind of comfort that He first bestowed on us.

I’m so thankful for people I’ve known during different seasons of my life who shared encouragement that can only come from someone who has “been there.” Through infertility, job transitions, hormonal upheaval, loved ones’ health problems, parent loss and more, I don’t know how I would have coped without the prayers and support of these empathetic friends.

Granted, not everyone jumps at the chance to do this. Understandably, some people prefer to protect themselves from the emotional stress that can flow from recalling personal struggles and heartaches. The vulnerability that accompanies sharing certain experiences can be scary. Sometimes the wounds are too deep or the hurt too fresh.

But when one person is willing to relive sadness or pain because she believes it might comfort another person, it’s a beautiful thing indeed.

Different Seasons, Different Responses

When my girls were younger, I remember hearing older moms say, “You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to those days.” Although this comment isn’t particularly helpful, I get it. Parenting toddlers can be exhausting in every possible way, and for some, it’s a relief to watch those years grow dim in the rearview mirror.

I noticed something different during my parents’ last years, however. I had a few friends whose elderly parents suffered from Alzheimer’s disease before they died, and not once did any of these friends ever express any sort of gratefulness about being done with this difficult season.

The truth is, there’s something incredibly poignant about watching a parent near the end of his or her life in such a heartrending way. It’s hard and lonely and sad, but—as is the case with many life-changing trials—it’s often difficult to articulate any of that to someone who hasn’t been through it personally.

Divine Recycling Process

These dear ones gently offered encouragement, empathy and practical advice because they knew what it’s like. They probably would have given anything to be able to spend just a few more moments with their own loved ones, but because that wasn’t possible, they were willing to draw from their experiences to help me.

It’s been said that God never wastes a hurt. And when we reach out to hurting people who are right now where we once were, we get to participate in His divine recycling process.

And the comfort cycle continues.

• • •

Have you ever been a participant in the comfort cycle, either as giver or receiver of care? Please share in the comments.

• • •

No Post Here Next Week

Next week, I’ll send out my subscriber-only, email newsletter, Courage, Dear Heart, which replaces my third blog post of each month. If you haven’t had a chance to sign up for the newsletter yet, I’d love for you to do so here:

Click Here to Subscribe

As my way of saying thanks, you’ll receive a free copy of my 7-day devotional, Faith, Fear, and the God Who Goes Before Us.

If you fill out the subscription form and don’t receive anything in your inbox, check your junk or spam folder for the confirmation email. And be sure to add the newsletter’s email address to your safe list so you don’t miss anything else.

♥ Lois

God comforts us in our troubles so we can later comfort other people with same kind of comfort that He first bestowed on us. Share on X God never wastes a hurt. And when we reach out to hurting people who are right now where we once were, we get to participate in His divine recycling process. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

14 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

A Helpful Lesson from the High School Parking Lot

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: We have to drive defensively, but we can’t live defensively. Not if we want to have a sweet influence in a culture where angst and outrage are so prevalent. ~

It’s been nearly a decade since my older daughter started driving, but there are some things a mother does not forget.

For example, one of the fun aspects of parenting a newly independent driver is getting texts like this in the morning: “Got to school, almost ran over a girl who wasn’t watching where she was going but we both lived.”

This is how they learn, right? Driving alone, near-misses, maybe even some actual bumps and scrapes here and there. Eventually—hopefully—defensive driving becomes second nature.

Constant Vigilance

Especially in the parking lot and on the access roads around the school, where AirPod-wearing high-school students regularly cross in front of you without looking up. Where you never know when one of the middle-schoolers from the building next door is going to fall off his bike onto the road or push his friend off the sidewalk right into your vehicle.

As I told Lilly many times when she first started driving herself to school, you have to be on your guard constantly. You have to assume that anyone who comes into your line of sight is going to step right in front of you without warning. You have to be prepared for the person in the car in front you to slam on his or her brakes for no apparent reason.

In other words, to prevent the worst-case scenario in the high school parking lot, you have to learn to expect it.

More Importantly …

But there’s also something else you have to remember—maybe the most important thing of all. You can’t take anything the pedestrians or other drivers do personally.

People can be careless, but they can also make honest mistakes. (Trust me, I’ve made a few myself.) Some are flat-out jerks, but others are just having a bad day.

The problem is, we often don’t know which scenario we’re dealing with—in crowded parking lots as well as online and in other areas of our daily lives.

Let it Go

It’s easy to judge the motivations of people who do things we don’t like or inconvenience us in some way. But there’s a line between sticking up for yourself (and others) when it’s necessary and being offended at everything, all the time.

This is sort of risky, because sometimes people actually mean to hurt us. We have to be wise, especially when we are looking out for the wellbeing of people for whom we are responsible.

Most times, though, I think the best response is to smile and let it go.

We have to drive defensively, but we can’t live defensively. Not if we want to have a godly influence in a culture where angst and outrage are so prevalent.

Parking Lot Grace

This reminds me of a time I was walking to my car at Wal-Mart and a lady almost backed her vehicle right into me and my shopping cart. She obviously should have been paying more attention, but she was so apologetic I almost felt sorry for her.

Rather than get annoyed or upset, I simply smiled and told her not to worry about it. Later, I thought of a fitting way to describe what I had offered her—and what has been extended to me more times than I care to remember.

I call it parking lot grace. And perhaps you’ll agree that its application reaches well beyond the Wal-Mart and high-school parking lots.

• • •

Have you ever been the giver or recipient of parking-lot grace? Either in an actual parking lot or some other setting? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

We have to drive defensively, but we can’t live defensively. Not if we want to have a godly influence in a culture where angst and outrage are so prevalent. Share on X There’s a line between sticking up for yourself when it's necessary and being offended at everything, all the time. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

20 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

It’s OK to Be Specific When You Pray

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: If you think God doesn’t want to hear—or maybe even disapproves of—detailed prayers, this Old Testament example indicates otherwise. ~

I started reading through a new Bible last year.

I don’t know if it’s the Holy Spirit’s prompting or the lack of underlines and highlights, but perusing an unmarked page helps me notice aspects of biblical narratives I may have never considered before. Take, for example, the account in Genesis of Abraham sending his trusted servant to find a wife for son Isaac among Abraham’s kindred.

Along with 10 camels and “all sorts of choice gifts from his master,” the servant traveled to Mesopotamia, where Abraham’s brother Nahor lived (Genesis 24:10). When the servant reached his destination, he stopped at a well outside the city and made the camels kneel down. Then he prayed.

“O Lord, God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham. Behold, I am standing by the spring of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water.  Let the young woman to whom I shall say, ‘Please let down your jar that I may drink,’ and who shall say, ‘Drink, and I will water your camels’—let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master.” (Genesis 24:12-14, ESV)

An Immediate Answer

Before Abraham’s servant even finished praying, Nahor’s beautiful and unmarried daughter Rebekah appeared at the well with her jug. When the servant asked her for some water, she gave him a drink, offered to water all his camels, told him who she was and assured him he was welcome to spend the night at her father’s house.

Later, Rebekah willingly accompanied the servant back home to marry Isaac.

I was familiar with this story, but as I read the servant’s prayer in my new Bible, I was struck by how specific it is. I’m not suggesting that we take a random passage out the Old Testament and turn it into an entire prayer strategy (although this has been done before). But if we think God doesn’t want to hear—or maybe even disapproves of—detailed prayers, we might think again.

Our responsibility as children of our heavenly Father is to approach prayer with the understanding that God’s ways are not our ways. He may have other plans for us, and the outcome of any given situation may look nothing like what we’d prefer. When our hearts remember this, it helps us hold our desires loosely as we share very specific requests with God.

Thy Will Be Done

I’m not talking about telling God what to do, of course. When I veer in this direction, as I am prone to do, the biblical phrase that Mitford author Jan Karon calls “the prayer that never fails” helps reorient me: Thy will be done (Matthew 6:10).

The fact that God answered Abraham’s servant’s prayer down to the smallest detail doesn’t guarantee that He will do the same for us. But it should encourage us to humbly pour out our hearts to Him about anything that might be concerning or perplexing us.

In God’s sovereignty, He knows what is best for us, just like He knew what was best for Isaac and Rebekah. And He will answer our prayers in His timing, according to His perfect will—whether they are short and succinct or long and detailed.

• • •

Since we’re all wired differently, I’m guessing some of us like to keep our prayers simple, while others of us tend to get more specific. Where do you find yourself these days? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

God may have other plans for us, and the outcome of any given situation may look nothing like what we’d prefer. Remembering this helps us hold our desires loosely as we share very specific requests with Him. Share on X God will answer our prayers in His timing, according to His perfect will—whether they are short and succinct or long and detailed. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

10 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

A Helpful Motto for When You’re Exhausted and Overwhelmed

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: During seasons of acute exhaustion or stress, if others can do work that we’re struggling to do, we might need to step aside and let them. Here’s what that could look like. ~

Years ago, I had an email conversation that made me want to drop everything and take a sympathy nap.

Every sentence oozed discouragement as my formerly energetic friend described how exhausted she was. How she had to drag herself through each day. How void she was of enthusiasm and vision.

Her words reminded me of a season when I felt much like she was feeling. I didn’t have near the full plate that my friend carried at the time, but I know what it’s like to trudge around all day in a perpetual state of overwhelmedness.

I’m not talking about being a bit too busy or somewhat over-committed. Rather, this has to do with the kind of mind-numbing fatigue that stems from circumstantial, hormonal, relational or physical factors that often are beyond our control.

A Helpful Motto

When I was in the middle of all that, there was a little phrase that guided how I used my time and energy:

“Only do what only I can do.”

Contrary to what we sometimes think, we are not indispensable. And during seasons of acute exhaustion or stress, if there are others who can do work that we’re struggling to do, we might need to step aside and let them.

Here’s a case in point. I used to work in the children’s ministry at church, teaching a class of fifth and sixth graders once a month. There were some great kids in this class, including my own daughter. But because of my depleted state, I often found my patience wearing thin and my irritability level rising as I tried to get them to focus.

Time for a Change?

When I began to dread going to church on those Sundays when I had to teach, I started to wonder if it might be time for a change. The turning point came when I realized that I would not want someone with my attitude teaching my own daughters. Maybe it was time to move on to something else.

The children’s pastor graciously let me off the hook. I relinquished my teacher title knowing there were other people who could oversee the class. My little motto gave me the freedom to let go and find ways to serve that better matched my gifts and personality.

That wasn’t the only thing I dropped or said no to during those years. I turned down leadership opportunities. I didn’t sign up to be a room parent at my daughters’ elementary school (though I did make treats for class parties). I didn’t volunteer for much of anything, really.

At times, I felt selfish and guilty. I wondered if people were disappointed in me, and maybe they were. But during that season of my life, I had to put my own oxygen mask on first before I could help anyone else.

So I only did what only I could do.

Top Priorities

For me, this mostly included taking care of my home and family. Beyond my household and caregiving duties, I focused on what I thought was important, even if it tuckered me out. For example, when my older daughter Lilly was in fourth and fifth grade, she wanted me to have lunch with her once a week. The cafeteria was noisy and the kids were rambunctious, but I went because I sensed she needed me.

I’m not suggesting weary people should never participate in activities or ministries that take them out of their so-called “comfort zones” or don’t seem to fit their obvious skill sets. Sometimes when the call for “all hands on deck” goes out, it is our moral or spiritual obligation to answer it, no matter how fatigued we are.

Also, the practice of only doing what only you can do isn’t necessarily a permanent decision-making strategy. You might be worn out now, but you probably won’t be worn out forever. Seasons change, energy levels go back up, enthusiasm returns. It might require medical intervention from time to time, but it does happen.

For a while, I had so much margin in my life there was hardly room for anything else. As I started to feel more like my normal self, I began adding things back in. But only very strategically.

One Step at a Time

I haven’t forgotten what those tired days were like. In the years since then, I’ve had to cut back again—more than once, and sometimes even more drastically.

God is faithful to restore, but His timing often looks nothing like ours. Which is why our walk of faith is always one step at a time.

If you are slogging through your own weary season right now, I know words from me won’t change much. But I do understand.

You are making a difference, even if you see no tangible proof right now. So hang in there. It won’t always be like this.

And if it gets worse before it gets better, as it sometimes does, take a tip from someone who’s been there and only do what only you can do.

It’s hard to let go, but it’s worth it.

• • •

No Post Here Next Week

Next week, I’ll send out my subscriber-only, email newsletter, Courage, Dear Heart, which replaces my third blog post of each month.

If you filled out the subscription form and haven’t received anything yet, the confirmation email probably went to your junk or spam folder. If you can’t find it there, please subscribe again and check those folders for the opt-in message. Be sure to add the newsletter’s email address to your safe list so you don’t miss anything else.

If you haven’t had a chance to sign up for the newsletter yet, you can do so here:

Click Here to Subscribe

As my way of saying thanks, you’ll receive a free copy of my 7-day devotional, Faith, Fear, and the God Who Goes Before Us.

♥ Lois

We are not indispensable. And during seasons of acute exhaustion or stress, if there are others who can do work that we’re struggling to do, we might need to step aside and let them. Share on X God is faithful to restore, but His timing often looks nothing like ours. Which is why our walk of faith is always one step at a time. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

17 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

My One Word for 2026

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: A scripture that guided me through the hardships of 2025 pointed the way to my word for this year. And an unexpected Christmas gift confirmed that I had made the right choice. ~

After my bike accident last year, I noticed that my right eye didn’t water when my eyes would normally well up with tears.

In the past, this type of eye watering often happened when music stirred my emotions. After my parents died, for example, the tears flowed in church whenever we sang an old hymn I remembered from my childhood. I’m not a person who cries much, so this was a healing process during that season of deep grief.

I eventually learned that humans have three kinds of tears—emotional tears, which my right eye stopped producing after the accident; reflex tears that wash away irritants; and basal tears, which keep our eyes lubricated. (Fortunately for me, the latter were not affected so I can still wear contacts comfortably.)

The doctors I consulted about my lack of emotional tears had no answers or solutions for me. I didn’t like it much, but I gradually just accepted it as the new normal.

My Christmas Miracle

Fast forward to Christmas Eve. I was at church with my family, and the praise team was leading the congregation in a variation of “O Come All Ye Faithful” that includes a bridge from Isaiah 9:6.

My heart warmed within me as we got to the part about God’s name—”Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” At the same time, tears started streaming out of both of my eyes.

This had not happened since before my accident. It was a gift, maybe even Christmas miracle.

My tears made my heart rejoice.

Rejoice Always

If I had to point to a single scripture passage that guided me through my recovery last year, it would be Philippians 4:4-7:

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (ESV).

Praying with thanksgiving helped ease my anxious thoughts, and God’s indescribable peace sustained my heart and mind. But somewhere along the way, the repeated instruction to rejoice—not just when everything is going well but always—settled in my soul.

Here’s how a note in my ESV Study Bible explains it: “The joy that Paul calls for is not a happiness that depends on circumstances but a deep contentment that is in the Lord, based on trust in the sovereign, living God, and that therefore is available always, even in difficult times.”

Early Indicator

Several months before 2025 ended, I knew rejoice would be my word for this new year. Philippians 4:4 lit the flame for me, but I also love how it’s used in the Old Testament. Verse after verse speaks about rejoicing in the Lord, not just by singing songs of praise, but with our hearts and “whole being[s]” (1 Chronicles 16:9-11, Psalm 16:9).

I experienced this on Christmas Eve, and I’m so grateful.

After what 2025 held for me and my loved ones, I especially appreciate the prayer expressed in Psalm 90:14-15: “Satisfy us in the morning with your faithful love so that we may shout with joy and be glad all our days. Make us rejoice for as many days as you have humbled us, for as many years as we have seen adversity.”

The Source of True Joy

In addition to being an “integral part of worship and gratitude,” Biblehub.com describes rejoicing as “a reflection of the believer’s trust and confidence in God” and an “expression of faith that transcends temporal situations.”

In other words, our joy doesn’t come and go based on how we feel at any given time or in any given church service. Instead, it flows from our hope in the eternal glory of God (Romans 5:1-2).

It’s not optional either, as the Apostle Paul makes clear in 1 Thessalonians:16-18: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (NIV, emphasis mine).

If I’m being honest, “rejoice always” seems like a tall order for any year, much less 2026. I don’t know what this is supposed to look like in my life. I’m sure I will miss the mark many times.

But I also believe that the One who is able to do abundantly more than we could ask or imagine (see Ephesians 3:20) will continue to strengthen me—and you too—just as He did throughout 2025. And because of that alone, I will be able to rejoice.

• • •

Have you chosen a word—or perhaps a phrase or a Bible verse—to guide you this year? If so, please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

Somewhere along the way, the repeated instruction to rejoice—not just when everything is going well but ALWAYS—settled in my soul. Share on X Our joy doesn’t come and go based on how we feel at any given time or in any given church service. Instead, it flows from our hope in the eternal glory of God. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

24 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

Word of the Year Recap: Notice

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: In a year that played out in ways I never expected nor could have imagined, my One Word was a quiet reminder to pay attention to what is good and true. ~

Nobody has been keeping track but me, but this is only the second time I’ve written about notice, my word for 2025.

I haven’t lacked words about my word because I forgot about it or because it wasn’t the right word for me, however.

In years past, my words have guided me from month to month, often in surprising ways. In many a December, I’ve looked back and felt thankful—sometimes even amazed—at how appropriate my word was for what transpired in my life over the last 12 months.

This year, my December feelings are more complicated. In fact, I’ve struggled to write this recap more than I ever have before.

A Worthy Goal

When I introduced notice in January, I shared that I was expecting to be led by the word’s verb form: “to observe, perceive, acknowledge, discern, spot, recognize or pay attention.”

“It seems almost redundant to say, but we notice more—about everything—when we pay attention,” I wrote. “But paying attention well requires us to be fully present. Engaged with what’s right in front of us. … It’s a worthy goal any year, but even more so this year. At least for me.”

So, about that.

In late March, I suffered a traumatic brain injury when I was hit by a car while riding my bike. Although I miraculously avoided numerous worst-case scenarios during my first few days in the hospital, I wasn’t exactly “fully present” for several weeks.

Beyond That …

My head injuries included tiny broken bones in my right ear, which made my pre-existing hearing loss worse. And a few months after the accident, I started experiencing what may be a delayed nerve injury: significantly diminished taste and smell.

These issues are not life-threatening, of course. But since much of what we notice around us involves our five senses, I had to find other ways to pay attention this year.

To be honest, I’ve spent more time than I care to admit noticing details about myself—what hurts, what doesn’t feel “normal” yet, what I can’t taste or hear, what I still can’t do after [insert number] months. (This is understandable, I think, but it can also be exhausting—for me and for my loved ones.)

When I stopped sensing much flavor in my food, a familiar verse helped me refocus my attention: “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him” (Psalm 34:8).

Noticing the Goodness

Ironically—or perhaps not—notice is a synonym for taste. And, with this scripture as my guide, I started trying to be more intentional about noticing the goodness around me. What I’m thankful for. Answered prayers. Signs of God’s presence and provision.

It’s amazing what we notice when we pay attention, isn’t it? Turns out, evidence of God’s faithfulness really is all around us, even in our hardest years.

I was reading through the book of Psalms during this time, and verse after verse also provided nourishment to my heart and soul. Psalm 73:26, for example: “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” And Psalm 118:24: “This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

Wearing notice around my wrist has been a helpful reminder to keep counting my blessings and remembering God’s goodness throughout 2025. And although I’ve chosen a new word for 2026, I hope to continue these practices next year too.

• • •

If you chose a word for 2025, how did it influence your life? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

It’s amazing what we notice when we pay attention, isn’t it? Share on X Turns out, evidence of God’s faithfulness really is all around us, even in our hardest years. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

18 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail