Author

Lois Flowers

What Happens When We Remember Who’s Really in Control

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: When we believe we’re in charge, we often grasp our agendas, micromanage and fear the future. Thinking differently brings freedom and peace.~

“You’re responsible, but you’re not in control.”

I once heard a pastor say these words when introducing a series on the book of Daniel. At the time, I was helping my parents in a rapidly declining stage of their lives. And I can’t think of a better way to describe my role than that.

I was in charge of handling their affairs and keeping a close eye on their care. But when it came to the perplexing health problems they were both experiencing, there wasn’t a whole lot I could do.

I was responsible, but I wasn’t in control.

Many Applications

This doesn’t just pertain to assisting aging parents, of course. It applies to all of life—rearing children, taking care of our bodies, serving as citizens and employees, managing our households, nurturing relationships, doing ministry work and everything in between.

We’re responsible, but we’re not in control.

Here’s what often happens when we forget this truth. When we think we’re in control, we desire to have control or we fear losing control, we tend to micromanage. We roll out our own solutions without waiting for the right answer to present itself. We set our expectations on certain outcomes. We grasp tightly to our agendas and schedules. We fear the future and dread the unknown.

This is no way to operate, I can assure you. It’s stressful, anxiety inducing and frustrating, for us and the people around us.

On the Other Hand …

When we remember that we’re responsible but it’s God who is in control, we’re free to do what we need to do without agonizing over every little detail.

We engage the process. We advocate for our loved ones, young and old. We offer opinions and ask about possible solutions. We change our plans when something comes up. We pray for specific miracles (and sometimes ask others to join us).

Through it all—and especially when we have no idea what to do next—we pray for God’s will, not ours. We pray for wisdom.

And we pray that the sovereign Lord of the universe would direct our steps as only He can do, that He would strengthen our legs for the path that He has laid out for us, and that He would give us courage to walk on that path wherever it leads.

• • •

No Post Here Next Week

Next week, I plan to send out the first issue of my subscriber-only, email newsletter, Courage, Dear Heart. The newsletter will replace my third blog post of each month.

If you’re already on the list, I’m so grateful. If you’re not, subscribe today so you don’t miss anything. As my way of saying thanks, you will receive a seven-day devotional called Faith, Fear, and the God Who Goes Before Us once you sign up.

Click Here to Subscribe

♥ Lois

We’re responsible, but we’re not in control. Share on X When we remember that we’re responsible but it’s God who is in control, we’re free to do what we need to do without agonizing over every little detail. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

23 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

3 Helpful Questions to Ask When You’ve Been Blindsided

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: In the middle of an uncertain, unsettling season, these thoughts kept me grounded and focused on the present. I hope they do the same for you. ~

Earlier this year, my young adult daughter was preparing to launch out on her own. At one point, she experienced a setback that seemed insurmountable to her.

It wasn’t, of course. In the moment, though, I shared a few questions I hoped would help her push through until the issue was resolved.

Weeks later, as I faced my own unexpected season full of uncertainty and unsettled feelings, those questions came back to me. I don’t know if my daughter found them useful, but they kept me grounded and focused on the present. They still are, in fact. And I’m sharing them today because I think they may do the same for you.

1. What is the Truth about the Situation?

When we’re facing something hard, it’s easy to let the untrue or unknown dominate our thoughts.

Everyone else is …

Why can’t I just …

When am I ever going to …

Sound familiar? Rather overgeneralizing or assuming the worst, talk to yourself instead of listening to yourself. Don’t dwell on worst-case scenarios; speak the truth about the situation as you know currently know it.

If you don’t have all the facts, put your response on hold until you have more information. Take your eyes off the outcome you hope for and fix them on Jesus and your present reality. I’m still learning to do this, but it does help.

2. What Are You Thankful for in This Situation?

Notice I didn’t say, “What are you thankful for?” It’s always good to give thanks for obvious blessings, but in this case, I encourage you to look for blessings in your current, unexpected and perhaps unfortunate circumstances.

This isn’t just my advice, of course. First Thessalonians 5:16-18 puts it bluntly, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (emphasis added).

What could this look like in real life? Thanking God for friends who are praying for you or providing meals for your family. Being grateful you are stronger or more resilient—physically, emotionally or spiritually—than you were the last time you experienced a crisis. Perhaps even giving thanks that you can demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit to the people with whom you are interacting—maybe even the very ones who caused your situation.

3. What is the Next Step?

This may involve taking some kind of action relating to your problem, or it may be as simple as waiting for an answer to a request for more information. It might seem strange to think of waiting as a next step, but it often is.

That said, if you’re in holding pattern, the next step could be doing the dishes, baking banana bread, having coffee with a friend or taking a walk. Engaging in such tasks is productive, for starters. But it can also take your mind off the untrue thoughts I mentioned earlier, especially if you have an encouraging podcast or worship music playing in the background.

My daughter’s situation resolved fairly quickly, while my own unexpected scenario has involved months of recovery. Turns out I needed my advice more than she did.

• • •

Do any of these steps resonate with you? How do you push through when the unexpected hits? Please share in the comments.

• • •

In Case You Missed It

I’m starting a subscriber-only email newsletter called Courage, Dear Heart. If you’re already on the list, I’m so grateful. If you’re not, and you could use an extra dose of soul-level encouragement each month, I would love for you to subscribe.

As my way of saying thanks, you will receive a seven-day devotional called Faith, Fear, and the God Who Goes Before Us once you sign up.

Click Here to Subscribe

The newsletter will replace my third blog post each month. l hope to send out the first edition on Oct. 21.

♥ Lois

When you're in a holding pattern, take your eyes off the outcome you hope for and fix them on Jesus and your present reality. Share on X It might seem strange to think of waiting as a next step, but it often is. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

18 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

Can God Use Fear to Direct Our Steps?

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: As a young adult, I chose the career path that was safe and familiar. Looking back, though, I can see how one job prepared me for the next and, eventually, led to the kind of writing I do now. ~

I enjoy hearing inspiring stories about how people chose their professions—how they knew, sometimes at a very young age, what they wanted to be when they grew up.

The teacher who used to line up her dolls and instruct them in her childhood bedroom comes to mind, along with the healthcare worker who went through a medical crisis as a teenager and got such wonderful care from her nurses that she decided to become one herself.

I wish I had a similar anecdote, but I don’t. My answer to, “Why did you decide to major in journalism?” is far from inspirational, actually.

Led by Fear

I didn’t become a writer because I loved words so much or because the writing process held irresistible appeal to me. Instead, it was fear that led me into writing.

When I was a sophomore in high school, I had a hole in my schedule. Two options were available during that hour: newspaper class or Spanish. I didn’t know if I would be able to learn Spanish—OK, I was afraid I couldn’t—so I chose newspaper. I stayed with it the next year, and the year after that.

I enjoyed writing for the school newspaper. I developed decent reporting skills and even won some awards at the statewide journalism contests we went to each year.

The Safe Choice

When the time to choose a college major, I had no idea what to pick. So I decided to go with journalism—mostly because it was safe and familiar.

I didn’t want to fail at something new, so I chose what I knew.

I wrote for the university’s student newspaper for a couple of years. Then I moved to the media relations office, where I had to conjure up every ounce of courage I possessed to call professors and university staff members for interviews. I even considered changing my major during my junior year, but once again, I decided to stick with what I knew.

Never Say Never

All along, I had one stated career goal: I never, ever wanted to work for a newspaper. (Writing that now, I realize this makes no sense at all, given my college major. But that’s how I felt.)

My first job out of college was doing communications work for a large engineering firm in Kansas City. But when I got married a year later, the only position I could find in the area where Randy and I settled down was with the hometown newspaper in Bentonville, Ark.

My work as the paper’s business editor, then later as a business reporter for the statewide daily, was interesting and educational. I enjoyed learning about local companies and getting to know the people I interviewed.

The Hard Parts

I did not enjoy the competitive nature of the media industry, however. At times, the fear of being scooped by a reporter at another area paper literally caused me to throw up in the morning before I left for work.

I also was obsessed with accuracy. This isn’t a bad thing unless it causes you to check and recheck stories a dozen times, constantly worrying that you are going to make an error. Perfectionism co-mingled with fear does not make for a peace-filled life, let me tell you.

After about five years in the newspaper business, I went to work for a magazine devoted to the subject of theology and work. It was there that I first sensed a passion for writing about faith-related topics, which is primarily what I’ve focused on ever since.

In Retrospect …

It’s apparent that one job prepared me for the next, and that people I met in one workplace opened doors at future workplaces. I am so grateful for this.

But over the years, I’ve sometimes struggled with the fact that fear was, at least initially, such a motivating force behind my career choice. That’s not just uninspiring; it reveals a lack of trust that still makes me squirm.

Now, though, I choose to look at it through the lens of God’s grace and mercy. And here’s what I see.

God Knew

I may have majored in journalism because it was the safe and easy choice, but God knew the plans He had for me. Maybe my motivation was weak and flawed, but He used it to direct my steps.

He’s God. He can do that.

He used a dear journalism professor to provide wise counsel when I was contemplating a different direction in college. He used editors along the way to mold my skills and even expose weak spots in my character.

I see all that now. I’m glad for it.

And—despite my early struggles—I’m not sorry I became a writer. Even though I don’t have an inspiring story to explain why.

• • •

How about you? Can you spot evidence of God’s direction and redeeming power as you look back over your life and career?

• • •

In Case You Missed It:

Speaking of fear, I’m starting a subscriber-only email newsletter called Courage, Dear Heart. If you could use an extra dose of soul-level encouragement each month, I would love for you to subscribe.

As my way of saying thanks, you will receive a seven-day devotional called Faith, Fear, and the God Who Goes Before Us once you sign up.

Click Here to Subscribe

The newsletter will replace my third blog post each month. l plan to send out the first edition in October.

♥ Lois

Perfectionism co-mingled with fear does not make for a peace-filled life. Share on X I majored in journalism because it was the safe and easy choice, but God used my flawed motivation to direct my steps. He’s God. He can do that. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

12 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

A Prayer that Makes a Noticeable Difference In Our Lives

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: We’re all works in progress. But if we want to have a sweet influence in a troubled world, here’s one way to start. ~

I started blogging in the fall of 2014. The following January, I chose a word of the year for the first time.

The word was fruit, and it came with a clear assignment—to pray for the fruit of the Spirit to grow in my life and in the lives of my immediate family members every day.

A Decade’s Worth of Prayer

Subsequent years brought new words (satisfied, fierce, bold, humble, full, strength, dawn, remember, now and notice). Many of these have had a powerful impact on my life. Through it all, though, I never stopped praying for the fruit. Which means that, as of last January, I’ve been doing this regularly for 10 years.

My prayer has changed a bit over time. Past iterations of my request for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self control were perhaps a bit more eloquent than the words I tap out in my morning prayers now.

I’ve also added humility to the conversation in recent years. Not because I think the original collection of fruit is lacking, but because it seemed like a convenient place to insert a petition for this much-needed trait.

Any Difference?

The obvious question to ask about this practice is this: Has it made a difference?

In my own life, I would say yes, though the fact that I haven’t stopped praying for the fruit is a good indication that this is a lifelong process. I may look back and see a bit of growth, then I’m presented with a situation that shows me I still have much room for improvement.

Such was the case this year with patience. Before my accident last March, I would have said I was a pretty patient person. But my ongoing recovery process has provided ample opportunities to see that waiting is hard for me and I’m often lacking in endurance.

Works in Progress

The good news—for me and for you too—is that we are all works in progress. As Eugene Peterson noted in the title of his wonderful book, life is indeed “a long obedience in the same direction.”

We don’t have to grow weary in doing good. Instead, we can trust that God who began a good work in us will continue it until it is completed (Gal. 6:9, Phil. 1:6).

I don’t make it a habit of dispensing devotional advice. But if I had one suggestion for busy moms, young adults, empty nesters, retirees and everyone in between, it would be this. Starting today, pray regularly for each element of the fruit of the Spirit to grow in your life.

Spiritual Exercise

It might seem rote, but think of it as spiritual exercise. If you walk, run or do the same workout at the gym every day, you don’t criticize yourself for what you are doing to get stronger, do you? It’s the same with praying for the fruit.

The changes may be a long time coming, and they might be subtle. But when you notice one, it might be like the difference between a tomato you buy in the winter at the grocery store and one your neighbor grows in her garden and shares with you.

The winter tomato pales in comparison to the home-grown fruit. And the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control God will produce in your heart as a result of your prayers will be far deeper and richer than what was there before.

• • •

I’ve written about praying for the fruit of the Spirit in other blog posts over the years. If you’d like to read more, here they are:

• One Word 2015: Results or Not, Prayers Continue

• The Prayer that is Changing Me

• 2 Simple Habits that Make All the Difference

• One Way to Bring Peace to Our Troubled World

• • •

In Case You Missed It:

I’m starting a subscriber-only email newsletter that will replace my third blog post each month. I’m sincerely grateful for each of you who have subscribed.

If you haven’t gotten around to it yet, I would love for you to sign up. As my way of saying thanks, you will receive a seven-day devotional called Faith, Fear, and the God Who Goes Before Us once you subscribe.

Click Here to Subscribe

I’ll send out the first edition of Courage, Dear Heart in October.

♥ Lois

Starting today, pray regularly for each element of the fruit of the Spirit to grow in your life. Share on X The fact that I haven’t stopped praying for the fruit of the Spirit after 10 years is a good indication that this is a lifelong process. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

22 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

How to Avoid the Comparison Trap

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: A passage from The Chronicles of Narnia gave me a way to fight this contentment-stealing habit. I think it might help you too. ~

Have you ever gotten stuck in the comparison trap?

This contentment-stealing tendency to focus on what other people have that we lack has popped up here and there throughout my life, but it was especially pervasive when I was struggling with infertility.

Then I stumbled across something in my favorite book series that made me look at pregnant women differently. And that made all the difference—with those comparisons as well as in other situations where this insidious hazard threatens to snag me.

Transformational Words

The life-changing passage I’m talking about is from The Horse and His Boy, the third book in The Chronicles of Narnia. It traces the adventures of a little orphan named Shasta, an aristocratic runaway named Aravis and two talking horses as they attempt to travel back to Narnia.

Eventually, Shasta encounters Aslan on a foggy mountain path. He can’t see the lion so he doesn’t know what he is. But when he feels Aslan’s warm breath on his hand and face, he relaxes a bit and begins to share his litany of sorrows.

He tells how he had been orphaned at a young age and raised by a stern fisherman. How he had then escaped. How he and his companions had been pursued by lions at least twice, and how one lion had actually gotten to Aravis and wounded her. He also tells about all the other dangers they have faced on their journey, and how terribly hungry and thirsty and exhausted he is.

We pick up the story there:

“I do not call you unfortunate,” said the Large Voice.

“Don’t you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?” said Shasta.

“There was only one lion,” said the Voice.

“What on earth do you mean? I’ve just told you there were at least two the first night, and—”

“There was only one: but he was swift of foot.”

“How do you know?”

“I was the lion.” And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued. “I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. … And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you.”

“Then it was you who wounded Aravis?”

“It was I.”

“But what for?”

“Child,” said the Voice, “I am telling you your own story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own.”

This conversation—especially the part about the lion pushing the boat—took on even greater meaning after Randy and I adopted our daughters in 2002 and 2006. Even now, I can’t get through those words without choking up.

Two Powerful Sentences

Back in our pre-adoption days, though, it was the last two sentences that grabbed our attention and wouldn’t let go.

“I am telling you your own story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own.”

The message was clear. The things that happen in the lives of other people are part of “their story,” and it is neither our responsibility nor our business to know why God allows them to happen.

Ouch.

And yet, what a relief!

The Pressure is Gone

We’re off the hook. We really can live our lives and trust that God is directing our steps, without continually getting bent out of shape by comparing ourselves to others.

Of course, it takes a lot of discipline to do this. Somehow, we must mentally separate ourselves from what’s going on in other people’s lives and recognize that what is happening to them has nothing to do with us.

The fact that our friends, neighbors or the stranger at the grocery store has a new job (or a fancy car, great health, a zillion social media followers, perfectly behaved children, no mortgage or whatever) and we don’t does not mean that she has God’s blessing on her life and we don’t. It simply means that God’s plan for her right now includes that thing, and His plan for us right now does not.

That’s her story, not ours.

All These Years Later …

It’s a mantra I still repeat over and again when the comparison trap threatens. (In case I forget, the words hang over my kitchen sink in a sign Randy carved for me.)

It’s also helpful to remember that just because other people sometimes seem to get what we want so easily, it doesn’t necessarily mean that their lives are perfect. We don’t see other people’s lives through their eyes; we only see them from the outside.

There’s always more to any given situation than meets the eye. And when we compare ourselves to someone else without having all the facts, we’re only hurting ourselves.

That’s their story, not ours.

I’ll Be Honest

Thinking like this is much easier said than done. But when we’re able to do it, it’s a very effective way to stay (or get) out of the comparison trap.

It keeps us from becoming (or remaining) bitter, jealous, resentful or depressed when someone else has what we want. Even better, it enables us to be able to rejoice with those who rejoice—and truly mean it.

• • •

In Case You Missed It:

I’m starting a subscriber-only email newsletter that will replace my third blog post each month, and I would love for you to sign up. As my way of saying thanks, you will receive a seven-day devotional called Faith, Fear, and the God Who Goes Before Us once you subscribe.

Click Here to Subscribe

I’ll send out the first edition of Courage, Dear Heart in October.

♥ Lois

The things that happen in the lives of other people are part of 'their story,' and it is neither our responsibility nor our business to know why God allows them to happen. Share on X There’s always more to any given situation than meets the eye. And when we compare ourselves to someone else without having all the facts, we’re only hurting ourselves. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

14 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail