Author

Lois Flowers

How Embracing God’s Love and Timing Helps Us Overcome Rejection

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: In this Q&A interview, novelist Jeanne Takenaka talks about listening well, handling rejection and how stories come to life. ~

It doesn’t happen very often, but for me, one of the blessings of blogging is connecting with fellow bloggers in person.

This is how I met Jeanne Takenaka. We first got together for lunch when she was attending a writer’s retreat in my area. We met again when my family was vacationing near where she lives in Colorado. Somewhere along the way, we started chatting on the phone regularly, and she has become a dear friend.

After many years of working on her craft, Jeanne has achieved some notable goals lately. This year, Guideposts will publish two of her short non-fiction stories in two separate books, fulfilling her lifelong dream to write for them. And last fall, she also won a Genesis Award for her latest romance novel, which her literary agent is currently pitching to publishers.

(To be considered for this prestigious prize, writers submit the first 15 pages of their manuscripts for two rounds of judging. Unpublished finalists and winners can add this award to their writing résumé, and they often find literary agents and publishing house editors more receptive to discussing their writing projects.)

On her blog, Jeanne shares heart-felt articles about parenting (she has two college-age sons), fear, rejection, trusting God and other relatable topics. We visited about some of these subjects recently, and today I’m delighted to share that conversation with you.

Learning to Listen

LOIS: One thing I appreciate about you—maybe because I’m struggling to develop it myself—is your commitment to listening well. To your sons, especially, but also to others. Have you always been such a good listener? And if not, how did you learn this skill?

JEANNE: Honestly? I learned this skill from my husband. When we first began getting to know each other, I tried to finish his sentences, to show I was tracking with him. The thing was, I usually inserted the wrong words!

He is intentional in the words and ideas he expresses. As we grew in our relationship, I learned how important and affirming it is to him to not interrupt while he is talking. When I cut him off, it speaks disrespect to him. I’ve tried to use this practice in all my communications.

It’s not always easy. Especially as women, we tend to cut each other off and finish sentences. This can be acceptable sometimes, but when it happens to me, I struggle with feeling like what I wanted to say was considered unimportant. I want others to know I value their thoughts, so I try to listen without interrupting.

Overcoming a Rejection Mindset

LOIS: Speaking of female tendencies, your writing also touches on the theme of rejection, which I think is a particular pain point among many women. Could you briefly describe how, as an adult, you’ve been able to overcome the rejection you experienced as a child?

JEANNE: I’m still prone to a rejection mindset, but I do so much better than I used to. It’s been a slow journey of coming to understand how God sees me. He began by using a friend to share a visual that there was a gaping wound in my heart. As soon as she shared this, God showed me that wound was the rejections I’d faced over so many years.

That very moment, I asked God to heal it.

The overcoming happened slowly, as I recognized the thought processes that came in a situation where I felt rejected. Recognizing my thoughts and asking God to help me see them through His eyes helped. I had to learn how to reframe what I was perceiving and thinking so that those thoughts and perceptions lined up with God’s truths.

LOIS: What are some of those truths?

JEANNE: That I am significant to Him, simply because I am His daughter. That He loves me perfectly, passionately, completely—no matter what I do or don’t do. He can’t love me anymore than He already does because He loves me completely right now.

Stated another way, I think the most important thing that had to happen for me to overcome the impact of rejection in my life is that I had to embrace the truth that God cherishes me—and each of His children.

Trusting God’s Timing

LOIS: Switching gears just a little bit, how do you handle the inevitable rejection that comes with the writing life?

JEANNE: I’ve been writing long enough to know there will be rejections on the journey. When I face a rejection, I give myself a day or so to feel the sting of disappointment. I talk with God about it. And then I get back to work, whether it’s working more on the same story or beginning a new one. I move forward.

One of the biggest truths that has equipped me to handle rejection is that God’s timing is always, always perfect. He knows each writer’s journey, what He wants them to learn, what He wants to say through them.

Trusting Him on this journey has really helped me not sink into discouragement or want to throw in the proverbial towel. At least, not for very long!

Another thing that has helped is having writing friends who understand the tough side of this writing journey. Listening to their encouragement and perspectives has helped me to shake off rejection and keep moving forward.

When Stories Come to Life

LOIS: Where do your ideas for stories come from?

JEANNE: I love it when a story idea takes hold in my mind, maybe from something a friend shares with me, a newspaper article or something else I come across online. When a thread comes to life, my thoughts go a little crazy as I explore it to see what might work for a novel is fun.

LOIS: Do you ever draw from ideas from your own life and experiences?

JEANNE: Yes, there are stories of my heart, as I like to call them, that reflect real-life struggles, journeys taken, and reminders of God’s faithfulness. If there’s something that makes me tear up for the beauty of God’s presence in it, I’ll probably want to craft that something into a story to share with others.

Writing On

LOIS: What is it about writing that keeps you writing?

JEANNE: Since the time I was a teen and read a “forbidden book,” I have wanted to write. When I began blogging, I found it was a sweet way to share my heart for encouragement with others and to offer truths about God and Christian living with those who would read my words.

I love story. And learning how to write fiction has been a great joy and a path to deeper intimacy with God. He has taught me so much on this journey that I could not have learned anywhere else. He gives me inspiration and a love for writing, even when the path forward is hard or disappointing.

I think I keep writing because God gives me the desire to continue, even when I’m discouraged. He’s also gifted me with priceless friendships with other writers—both fiction and nonfiction—that spur me onward on this journey.

LOIS: I’m thankful for our friendship, Jeanne, and I look forward to seeing where God takes your words in the coming months.

• • •

You can read more of Jeanne’s writing—including this wonderful article about understanding our worth—on her website, Jeannetakenaka.com. She would love to connect with you there or on Instagram at @jeanne_takenaka. Feel free to leave her a comment below as well.

♥ Lois

I want others to know I value their thoughts, so I try to listen without interrupting. ~ Jeanne Takenaka Share on X God’s timing is always, always perfect. He knows each writer’s journey, what He wants them to learn, what He wants to say through them. ~ Jeanne Takenaka Share on X I keep writing because God gives me the desire to continue, even when I’m discouraged. ~ Jeanne Takenaka Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

20 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

Do We Ever Stop Grieving? A Hopeful Perspective

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: How we talk and think about grief can affect our ability to move through it in a healthy way. Here are a few truths to counteract one unhelpful statement you may have heard. ~

Since my parents died in 2019, I’ve read a lot about grief and grieving relating to the death of a loved one. More in the early days of my family’s loss, when my sorrow was fresh and exhausting, but also in recent days.

A phrase I don’t recall reading initially that I’ve noticed lately is this:

“You will never stop grieving.”

I’ve seen it in books and on Instagram, by authors and “grief influencers” (for lack of a better term). While correctly and kindly acknowledging how hard and sad the loss of a loved one is, they also assert that grief changes over time but will never go away.

Perhaps this is where they are themselves—unable to imagine not feeling the heaviness of grief, and maybe not even wanting to let it go. Sometimes, grief is almost like a warm cloak; as long as we’re feeling bad, we think, we’re keeping the memories of our loved one alive.

I Understand This

And yet, I also believe the terminology we assign to unavoidable life events and processes can affect our ability to move through them in a healthy way.

Some cases of heartbreak are so profound that a person’s grief never goes away. The loss of child, or a dearly loved spouse after many decades of marriage, could result in such never-ending sorrow.

I don’t think, however, that grieving people should be told to expect this. Neither does author Randy Alcorn, who often writes about losing his wife, Nanci, in 2022.

“God knows we need a season of grief. But a season is not a lifetime,” he said in a blog post titled Healthy Grief is Centered on God’s Promises. “He intends that we would also smile and laugh and dance again. There is no set timetable, but God wants us to find relief in Him.”

Joy and Sorrow Co-exist

Abundant life exists after grief, in other words. If you are deep in the mire of grief today, you will not always feel how you are feeling. Over time, you may begin to see that joy and sorrow co-exist—that you can experience both happiness and sadness at the same time—and that this is OK.

Or perhaps what you used to call grief may morph into missing.

Sad thoughts and memories come and go. You will always miss that person you loved so much, at some times more than others.

But missing isn’t grieving. Missing is remembering. Missing is reality. Missing is a fact of life.

When the Grief Softens

I attended a GriefShare group the fall after my parents died. I don’t remember most of the material presented each week, but something the facilitator said made a deep impression on my shellshocked heart. “As the grief softens,” she said, “the memories grow warmer.”

As I trudged my way through sadness tinged with regret, unanswerable questions and loneliness, I discovered she was right. The grief did soften, and the memories did become warmer.

This doesn’t happen with every loss, of course. When memories trigger sadness instead of warm thoughts, it helps to intentionally notice how God has carried us through those hard times. And to remember that with every day that passes, we are one day closer to being reunited with our loved ones in heaven.

Ongoing Effort Required

Whether memories become warmer or not, instant gratification is nowhere to be found on this journey. It takes effort to move through active grief—effort that is ongoing, but also worth noticing and perhaps even celebrating.

Here’s how my friend Linda puts it in a Substack post called A Sunrise, the Grief Group & and a Whole Bunch of Helpful Resources:

“My hat’s off,” she writes, “to all of us who do the hard work of rolling up our sleeves and walking up and down sorrow’s hills and valleys. … Who have no interest in believing that there’s a 1-2-3 checklist or some kind of magic wand that’ll wave away their grief. Who stubbornly refuse to be defined by what we’ve lost.”

She continues: “Yes, it is possible and very much preferable to purposefully shed the worn and tattered garment of sadness and re-define ourselves by His joy. His peace. And all the good things the Holy Spirit originally gifted us with at our spiritual birth through Jesus Christ.”

A Gentle Suggestion

Dear reader, if you are regularly reading or listening to people who make statements like, “You’ll never stop grieving,” I have one gentle suggestion: You might want to find encouragement elsewhere.

Talk to actual people in your life who have experienced grief but haven’t let it define them. Read books by Randy Alcorn, Jerry Sitser and others who have had many years to reflect on grief through the lens of God’s faithfulness.

Most of all, bring your sorrows to the Man of sorrows who is divinely acquainted with every aspect of your grief (Isaiah 53:3). He provides comfort and rest in our sadness, but, as Linda says, He also is “always and forever ready, willing, and able to use our healing experience to equip us to come alongside other hurting souls.”

• • •

Whenever I write about grief, I do so with the awareness that my experience is limited to a few very specific kinds of loss. I’d love to know how this process has played out in your life … please share in the comments if you are so inclined.

Also, if you have lost your mom or dad (or both), I have a collection of articles called Help for Parent Loss that you may find comforting or encouraging. Check it out here and consider sharing it with a friend who may also find it helpful.

♥ Lois

Sad thoughts and memories come and go. You will always miss that person you loved so much, at some times more than others. But missing isn’t grieving. Missing is remembering. Share on X When memories trigger sadness instead of warm thoughts, it helps to intentionally notice how God has carried us through those hard times. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

16 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

Our Source of Strength in the Heavy Seasons of Life

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Quick fixes may be hard to come by, but God provides what we need both when we’re weak and when we’re more prepared to carry the weight. ~

When we adopted our elder daughter Lilly, she was nine months old and weighed about 17 pounds.

I had worked on my cardiovascular fitness in the months leading up to our adoption trip to China, and my regular runs on the treadmill prepared me to traverse the Great Wall with relative ease. But my upper body strength was a different story entirely.

My arms and back were so weak I could only hold Lilly for a few minutes at a time before passing her to Randy. So when we were out and about, she spent most of her time chewing on the strap of the Snugli that held her close to his chest.

What Happened

Amid the excitement and stress of becoming parents halfway across the globe, I sometimes worried about my ability to care for her when we returned home. How am I going to carry her everywhere we need to go when I can hardly hold her now? I wondered.

What happened, of course, was that the more I carried her, the stronger I got. And as she grew, so did my strength.

Three years later, we returned to China to adopt Molly. She also weighed 17 pounds. But because we were used to picking up 4-year-old Lilly, who was small by American standards but made up of solid muscle, little Molly seemed as light as a feather.

When I was a new mom, 17 pounds was almost more than I could manage, while carrying the same weight three years later—in the same unfamiliar setting, no less—was pretty easy.

Life Application

The same principle applies to seasons of life, doesn’t it? Some seasons are heavier, and some are lighter.

It might be that the difference lies in the actual weight, or burden, we’re carrying. A 100-pound load is tougher to lug around than one that weighs 25 pounds, after all. It doesn’t matter if the burden is internal or caused by situations outside our control—heavy is heavy, regardless of the source.

Our preparedness or current state of mind also plays a role. When we adopted Molly, she seemed light to me, even though she weighed exactly the same as Lilly when we got her. But I was different. I was stronger, a bit more experienced and confident in my ability to be her mama. It was just easier.

Serious Seasons

Sometimes, it’s the gravity of the season we’re in that can make it seem like we are walking around with a ton of bricks on our chest. Certain phases in our lives simply hold more significance than others—there’s more at stake and more rides on the outcome.

External circumstances affect the weight of a season too. A level path doesn’t require as much energy as a steep incline, and it’s much easier to carry that 100-pound burden when it’s 50 degrees outside than it is when the thermometer reaches 95 in the shade.

In the same way, what’s going on around us can sometimes make what’s happening within us all the more difficult.

Juggling Act

My reality—and probably yours too—is this: We often have to deal with different seasons of life simultaneously.

Some are heavy; others are light. I don’t know about you, but when the weight of a heavy phase overwhelms me, I’m often at a loss for what to do. I want an answer, a solution, a three-step plan for how to make the burden lighter—or better yet, disappear.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that, does it? There are no bows, no pat answers, no quick fixes. As helpful as they can be, there are no Bible studies or books that can fast-forward us through the weightier times.

But there is truth. There are promises to cling to, if we chose to do so.

Casting Every Care

Scripture encourages us to cast our every care on the same sovereign God who hung the stars in the sky and orchestrates the four seasons. Nothing is too big or too small for His loving attention.

When we walk through the fire, the desert, the deep waters, the rocky mountains—He is with us.

No matter the season, He knows what we need. He knows what our loved ones need. And He will provide exactly that.

Wisdom for the wondering. Love for the lonely. Comfort for the grieving. Water for the thirsty. Boldness for the timid. Peace for the anxious. Rest for the weary.

And, yes, strength for the weak.

♥ Lois

God provides wisdom for the wondering. Love for the lonely. Comfort for the grieving. Water for the thirsty. Boldness for the timid. Peace for the anxious. Rest for the weary. Share on X No matter the season, God knows what we need. He knows what our loved ones need. And He will provide exactly that. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

22 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

Sometimes it Takes a Lifetime to Become Who We Are

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: We may never paint our house purple or wear red pants, but we’re never too old to change for good or grow more comfortable in our own skin. ~

Before my daughter Molly went to Northern Ireland last semester, she went clothes shopping and came home with a pair of bright red pants.

I loved her new pants, but it wasn’t until months later that something clicked in my mind about this bold choice of hers. It had to do with my dad, and knowing yourself, and being comfortable with who you are.

Dad once painted his three-story, turn-of-the-20th century farmhouse a startling shade of lavender. He’d seen a Victorian house with a similar color scheme, liked it and decided to replicate it. From then on, my childhood home was known around town as “the purple house.”

Her Own Person

My dad was not someone who sought out the limelight. He was unassuming, settled in his own skin and never one to make decisions based upon public opinion. When he chose to paint his house lavender, he did so because he thought it was pretty.

In many ways, Molly is very much like my dad. The red pants are just another example of this.

She saw them, she liked them, and she wears them confidently. She enjoys being fashionable, but she has her own sense of style and doesn’t pattern herself after anyone else.

Becoming Who We Are

One of the blessings of motherhood, in my opinion, is watching our children become who they are. Sometimes, this is apparent from an early age. Molly has always had a keen sense of what she likes and doesn’t like, for example.

Sometimes, though, it takes a lifetime to figure all this out. For many of us, it’s a decade-by-decade process.

I was in my late 20s when I finally became comfortable with my own quieter personality. At one pivotal point, I realized I didn’t have to try to be the life of the party; I didn’t have to make people laugh or even talk if I didn’t want to.

Being who I was wired to be was far less stressful than attempting to be something else, or at least feeling like I should be different somehow.

My Big-Ring Era

In my early 40s, the “becoming” had more to do with my personal appearance. After spending a lot of time and money highlighting and straightening my hair during the previous decade, I finally embraced my naturally curly mane and switched to all-over color (in a dark brown that matched my natural hue), rather than lighter highlights.

I also wore a lot of bold prints and eye-catching rings in my 40s (my girls call it my big-ring era). I don’t know why these styles appealed to me during those years; maybe they were my version of Molly’s red pants and Dad’s lavender house.

I’ve mostly left the prints and big rings behind in my 50s, embracing softer solids and bracelets instead (at least for now). But I haven’t stopped becoming who I am, and neither have you.

Some of this is directly affected by our DNA and God-given personality. Even if we wanted to change some things, we couldn’t do it.

What We Can Control

That said, much of who we become is completely and totally within our control. How we respond to other people and in stressful situations, what we think about, what we spend our time looking at—it’s all shaping us in ways we often don’t even realize.

I don’t know about you, but I want to become an old lady who laughs and smiles easily, chats with strangers at the grocery store, hugs freely, and listens well. And as far as I can tell, the best way to do that is to start now (or keep it up, as the case may be).

Also, in case you were wondering, I probably won’t ever paint my house purple (the husband has a say in this, after all). But don’t be surprised if I sport a pair of pants like Molly’s someday. (Red is my favorite color, after all.)

• • •

How have you noticed this “becoming” process playing out in your life? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

Much of who we become is completely and totally within our control. How we respond, what we think about, what we spend our time looking at—it’s all shaping us in ways we often don’t even realize. Share on X I want to become an old lady who laughs and smiles easily, chats with strangers at the grocery store, hugs freely, and listens well. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

20 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

How to Respond When Our Words are Misunderstood

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Trying to convince people that their interpretations aren’t accurate doesn’t usually work. Here’s what we can do instead. ~

Have you ever noticed that when people hear something they don’t like or disagree with, they sometimes perceive what’s been said as far more intense than it really was?

For example, my hair stylist once told me that when her mother gets angry, her voice gets lower and quieter. But when her mom speaks like this, it comes across as screaming to my stylist.

I’ve also observed and participated in conversations where I heard one thing and others felt something else. What I interpreted as regular talking came across to them as much angrier communication.

They may have been reading more into the situation than was there, or I may have been oblivious to what was really going on. Either way, one thing is certain: We heard the same conversation and came away with completely different impressions of what had transpired.

Perception is Reality

Unfortunately, perception is reality, even if that reality is not actually real. As a result, trying to convince someone (including me) that what he or she feels is not accurate is often as beneficial as trying to teach geometry to a duck.

We can only control ourselves, after all. And when another person’s interpretation of our words is inaccurate—or at least not in accordance with what we felt or meant—we have some choices to make.

When the situation involves our younger children, for example, we can look at it as a teaching opportunity. They will be interacting with people all their lives, so if we can encourage them not to take offense, to listen wisely and to understand that there’s always a back story, we will be doing them a great service.

Our kids’ perceptions also help us understand them better. What seems like a small thing to us might be huge to them. And asking questions about what they felt and heard as we spoke gives us the opportunity to do things differently in the future.

Other Options

We do have other options, of course, whether we’re dealing with our children or with other people.

We could adopt the attitude that they are being oversensitive and need to get over it.

We could engage right then and there and try to convince them that their interpretation is wrong.

Or, we could pray.

Other choices might be easier or more convenient. But only with prayer do we have any chance of selecting the response that is right for each individual situation.

How to Pray

I don’t always pick this option, mind you. I frequently react rather than respond. But if we want to respond in a loving way more often, here are a few ways we could pray.

• That the people with whom we’re interacting will see things how they really are, rather than through the lens of defensiveness or emotional baggage.

• That we will see things how they really are, rather than through the lens of our own emotional baggage, our need to be right, our need to convince them that what they think isn’t accurate, or our tendency to be less sensitive than we could be (or maybe that’s just me).

• That we will accept feedback and humbly acknowledge when we have come across in a way that was different from how we intended.

• That we will come across in a loving way, that we will be able to tell when someone has misinterpreted our words, and that we will have the wisdom to know when to say something about it or just let it go.

That’s a lot to remember, I know. But casting every bit of it before the One who hears all, sees all and knows all is our only hope of ever getting it right ourselves.

• • •

We all have different ways of communicating, so if you have additional insights, please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

Trying to convince people (including me) that what they feel is not accurate is often as beneficial as trying to teach geometry to a duck. Share on X If we can encourage our children not to take offense, to listen wisely and to understand that there’s always a back story, we will be doing them a great service. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

18 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

What Driving Old Cars Teaches Us About Getting Along with People

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Especially nowadays, many of us could use some help relating to our fellow believers. An essay from my dad’s files offers guidance in the form of a unique analogy. ~

My dad loved old cars. I’m not talking about cool classics from the 1950s, although he enjoyed those too.

I’m referring to decidedly not-cool cars like the Rambler Americans from the 1960s he drove when I was a teenager in the 1980s. (Can you guess how I felt about this at the time?)

Dad was a mechanical engineer who could fix pretty much anything. One of the reasons he appreciated these old cars was because he could repair them when they broke down, which seemed to be quite often. (Or at least that’s how I remember it.)

Because of all this, I wasn’t surprised when I came across an essay in his files called “Things I Learned from Driving Old Cars.” It read like it could have been presented as a Sunday school lesson, although I don’t know if he ever shared it in that venue.

Practical Analogy

My dad’s goal, I think, was to encourage believers to make every effort to get along with each other. And, as was his custom, he used a practical analogy with some humor thrown in to get his message across.

“I hope you are not offended when I compare old cars to people,” Dad wrote, “but since I like both, you will understand it is not a derogatory comparison.”

I’m guessing most of us could use some guidance about how to relate to other believers nowadays. So here, lightly edited to fit blog style, is an excerpt from his essay.

• • •

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18, KJV)

Most of us probably interpret this verse to mean, “Do the best you can to get along with people and try to stay out of fights.” But when we consider the verses immediately before and after, we see it means much, much more.

Tools for Getting Along

In fact, Romans 12 is nothing less than a full complement of tools for our use in working together effectively with each other. Take verse 10, for example:

“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another.” (emphasis added)

Can you imagine a church where everyone practiced this verse? A place where nobody is on an ego trip, there are no personal agendas, and people don’t contend for positions of power and prestige?

It boggles the mind, doesn’t it? And here is where old cars come in.

My dad working on his first car, a 1949 Crosley. According to notes in a family photo album, this picture was taken in 1954. Many years later, my dad told me he bought the car when he was 20 and paid about $150 for it.

Personality Quirks

When a car is in its second or third 100,000 miles, it seems to develop its own distinctive personality. On one of my cars, for instance, you had to shift gears a certain way or the transmission would lock up and it wouldn’t go at all. I learned how to do that, and even my wife learned, and we both got many good miles out of that car.

People have these personality quirks too. We have to be willing to accommodate them, not only to get along with them but also to work effectively with them.

We may need to avoid certain words or phrases when talking with certain people. Or it may mean listening to someone tell that story for the 59th time without rolling our eyes. We might laugh or at least smile, even if we could say the punch line better ourselves.

I know it’s easier and certainly less time consuming to not have to deal with people like that, but should that be our priority?

Realistic Expectations

Another lesson to learn from driving old cars is that you develop a realistic set of expectations. You know your old jalopy won’t be able to go from a dead stop to 60 miles per hour in six seconds, if it ever could. And those little dents, scratches and rust spots mean your beloved vehicle no longer attracts admiring glances, except maybe those of amazement that such an old car would still be driven in public.

This teaches us that our expectations of other believers should be realistic too. We tend to have high expectations of others, don’t we? They should be just like us, only better. That’s not realistic, though.

So how do we form realistic expectations about our fellow Christians? You get to know old cars by spending time with them, usually by driving them. When you spend time with people, you find out things about them too—their likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, aspirations and fears.

With that kind of information, you can form some pretty accurate expectations too.

Like my dad, my husband Randy also has an affinity for old jalopies. His first car, shown here in a photo from the late 1980s, was a 1964 Ford Falcon Futura.

Wear and Tear

The third thing about old cars is that special attention must be given to the effects of wear and tear. Oil is consumed, coolant leaks, and unknown parts rattle and squeak.

Humans don’t do any of those things, of course. But Christians who have done battle with the enemy may also need some extra care and attention at times. They won’t need oil or antifreeze like those old cars, but perhaps a sympathetic, listening ear during a period of discouragement, or a bright, cheerful card or letter—even if it isn’t Christmas or their birthday—might do the trick.

And how many Christians complain that nobody at church talks to them? We could be the ones who do.

Don’t Take the Easy Way

Some people don’t want to deal with this sort of thing, either with cars or with people. So they buy new cars and ignore those folks who they think require too much attention.

Now I don’t really expect you to become an old-car enthusiast. Buy that new car if you really want to. (Someone has to stimulate the economy, right?)

But even though it’s often easiest to limit our circle of friends to those we are comfortable with, I don’t think the scriptures support that option, unless we are willing to cut Romans 12:9-21 out of our Bibles and throw it away.

On second thought, don’t do that. Instead, read this passage again and ask yourself if you are doing everything it tells you to do. And if you aren’t, then do it!

• • •

There you have it—my dad’s exhortation to read and apply Romans 12:9-21 (which, in the NIV, is appropriately titled “Love in Action”). If you enjoyed his thoughts, let me know in the comments. And if you have any old-car enthusiasts in your life, please share this post with them too.

♥ Lois

Like old cars, people have personality quirks too. We have to be willing to accommodate them, not only to get along with them but also to work effectively with them. Share on X Christians who have done battle with the enemy may also need some extra care and attention at times. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

22 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail