God Can Redeem Your Worst Year Ever

by Lois Flowers

The week our clocks sprang forward last month, I saw an Instagram post that went something like this: “Why are we complaining about losing an hour when we just lost an entire year?”

I laughed at the irony, but the caption also prompted some thoughts about 2020, the pandemic and our own individual responses to it all.

When we read—in the news and on social media—about dramatic events in dramatic terms, and we continue to read and perhaps comment about them, and about all our feelings about them, it sometimes makes it difficult to process and move past them. (By them, I mean all the feelings, not the actual dramatic events.)

The constant remembering and evaluating and questioning can make it difficult to separate situations over which we have no control from situations over which we are the only ones with any control. Looking at our own specific lives through the filter of the world in 2020 can make it impossible to see what is really true of our own specific lives.

So here we are, more than a year later, still talking about how hard everything has been, and how much of a struggle we’ve had, and when will we ever feel better about any of it. And yes, it’s true. It’s been a long, rough season, and we’re all more than ready for the virus to beat a hasty retreat.

But what also is true, for some of us anyway, is that 2020 wasn’t all bad. Perhaps it wasn’t even half bad, or a third bad. (Last week, for example, I wrote about how my friend Bethany’s life changed in wonderful ways over the past year.)

For some, 2020 brought disappointment and frustration and certainly a great deal of inconvenience, but it wasn’t the worst year ever.

This is where I have found myself during most of the last 12 months or so. Not because I was unaffected by the pandemic, but because when I look at the last year, I can’t help but see it through the lens of 2019—the year we lost both of my parents within five weeks of each other.

Their declines were unexpected, sometimes difficult to manage and extremely heart-breaking for my family. Not only was I close to my mom and dad geographically and relationally, I also was responsible for handling all their affairs, including their estate.

Other siblings helped in significant ways, and I’m very grateful for them. But it was a hard, hard year. My worst year ever, you could say.

I have no idea how long 2019 will hold that title. I do know, however, that 2020 didn’t even come close.

When the pandemic hit last March, I was dreading the first anniversaries of my parents’ deaths—my mom’s on April 19 and my dad’s on May 29. I didn’t know what those dates were going to feel like, and the anticipation made me anxious.

Then the shutdowns began. Nursing homes closed their doors to visitors. Funerals were limited to only a few mourners.

During the previous year, I had struggled to understand why God took both my parents so quickly and unexpectedly. But—slowly, gently—solace came with the realization that we had been spared the agony of going through the events of 2019 in 2020.

Had God’s mercy actually been at the center of His timing for my family? If so, how was He bestowing His mercy now—on other families separated from aging loved ones in long-term care, on those who were unable to hold proper funerals when their parents died, on so many other dear people experiencing hardship?

The quote above my kitchen sink, from the third book of the Chronicles of Narnia, provided the only answer: “I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own.”

My story is that when school went remote for my girls and we were together at home, it was a good thing. We enjoy each other’s company. Molly, then a freshman, doesn’t mind being at home. Lilly, a senior, was ready to be done with high school.

In between homework assignments, we made bread and French macarons and ate our lunch in the back of Lilly’s car at the lake.

I’d gone to counseling and participated in GriefShare in the months after my parents died, but this was a different kind of therapy. The opportunity to spend all this time with my daughters before my older girl left for college in the fall was a blessing, plain and simple.

It was comfort wrapped in togetherness covered in love, all infused with the aroma of homemade bread.

It was a healing respite from the burden of grief.

It was exactly what I needed after my worst year ever.

I miss my parents terribly. At times, I still have to fight the urge to hop in my car and drive to their house to see them.

But when I look at 2019—this time through the lens of 2020—I see God’s hand all over it. The losses were great, but so were the gifts.

Time with family—brothers, sisters, in-laws, nieces and nephews. Concrete answers to prayer. Precious moments when I experienced the peace of God that transcends all understanding. A perfectly timed vacation in a beautiful place.

Then there were the realizations—about death and the brevity of life, about what really matters, about pushing through long-held fears, about what I am actually capable of doing, about the sufficiency of God’s grace.

I’m still learning from 2019. I don’t think that will be stopping anytime soon.

I don’t know all the outcomes and end results. But I see now that the year changed me. That it pushed me and grew me. That it has given me confidence to face the future, come what may.

This is what I want you to remember, more than anything else. If you’re a believer and 2020 was your worst year ever, not one minute of it was wasted. You didn’t “lose a whole year,” as the Instagram post I referenced above suggested.

I don’t know what is going to come of 2020 for you. Only God knows that, and He’s probably not telling just yet.

But He will use it in your life, you can be sure of it.

This isn’t intended to wipe away all your bad feelings or guilt you into finding the silver lining. I’m not a counselor, a theologian or a motivational speaker, after all.

I’m simply writing as a friend who has been through a very hard season—one that I never saw coming and felt ill equipped to handle most of the time.

It didn’t happen when everyone else in the world was experiencing the same thing, to some degree or another. That’s what’s made 2020 so hard—the virus on top of everything else.

It did happen, though.

I survived.

And now I can look back at the worst year of my life and give thanks. Not because my parents are gone or that I’m over all the sadness (I most definitely am not), but because God has promised to work “all things” out for my good, and He always keeps His promises. (Romans 8:28)

To me, and to you too.

So keep pushing through all the noise (in your head and in the world). Keep processing what’s real and hard in your life (as opposed to social media-generated drama). Ask God to help you see the truth about what has actually happened to you and your family.

It won’t happen overnight, but eventually, perspective will come.

As my friend Linda wrote recently, “We look back and reflect in order that we can move ahead unhindered. And we trust that God will do more than we can ask or imagine because of what we’ve experienced.”

Lois

If you’re a believer and 2020 was your worst year ever, not one minute of it was wasted. Click To Tweet I see now that my worst year ever changed me. It pushed me and grew me. It gave me confidence to face the future, come what may. Click To Tweet

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee, Inspire Me Monday, #HeartEncouragement and Grace & Truth.

Leave a Comment

34 comments

Bethany McIlrath April 24, 2021 - 4:25 pm

I so appreciate how you emphasize here that nothing is wasted. So sorry for the hardships of the past couple of years for you, and so grateful for getting to see God at work in you and through you throughout, friend!

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Lois Flowers April 29, 2021 - 5:06 pm

Aw … thanks, Bethany. The load is definitely lighter now, and I’m grateful for God’s faithfulness–and the encouragement of friends like you–through it all!

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Shanna Groves April 20, 2021 - 2:04 pm

Lois, I am so sorry for the loss of your parents. It is hard losing a parent. My dad passed after Christmas 2018. Much love to you.

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Lois Flowers April 23, 2021 - 7:39 pm

Aw, Shanna … it was wonderful to hear from you. I’m so sorry about your dad … there’s not much that can prepare us for that kind of loss, is there? Thank you for reaching out, my friend.

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Jeanne Takenaka April 19, 2021 - 12:58 pm

Lois, there is so much beautiful truth woven within your words. God sometimes clarifies our perspectives, doesn’t He? It can take looking back to see where His fingerprints were during the most difficult, painful seasons of our lives. But you’re right. He’s always with us, and no hard season is ever wasted.

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Lois Flowers April 19, 2021 - 7:55 pm

Amen, Jeanne! If I had a list of life mottos, “God never wastes a hurt” would definitely be one of them. (I think I first read that years ago in The Purpose-Driven Life.) Thanks so much for your input and encouragement, my friend.

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Barbara Harper April 17, 2021 - 4:11 pm

This is so good, Lois. I can’t say 2020 was my worst year ever. Thankfully, no one in our immediate family got COVID. There were definite pluses in restfulness. But in some of my worst years in the past, we can trace God’s hand of faithfulness.

We thought the same with my m-i-l, who passed away a few years ago. It’s not that we’re glad she’s gone, but we were glad she didn’t have to go through this virus crisis and everything that would have been involved with her care.

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Lois Flowers April 19, 2021 - 7:50 pm

I feel the same way about my parents, Barbara. I’m glad nobody in your immediate family got Covid. And yes–being able to look back at the hard years and “trace God’s hand of faithfulness” definitely helps build faith for the future, doesn’t it?

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Sarah Geringer April 16, 2021 - 5:57 pm

Such a wonderful, thoughtful, honest post, Lois. I remember praying for you when you lost your parents, and today I’m praying again for you in your lasting grief. Thank you for this valuable perspective, which is so true.

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Lois Flowers April 17, 2021 - 2:48 pm

Aw, Sarah … thank you so much for your prayers, then and now. It’s been a journey, for sure, but God is faithful. Hugs, friend.

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Lisa notes April 16, 2021 - 4:17 pm

I don’t think I’d count 2020 as my worst year ever either. It may be in the top 3 or 4 though. 🙂 But not the worst. We were spared any deaths of those near to us; my husband kept his job; I was still able to see my kids and granddaughters. I know others had it much worse.

Thanks for this fresh perspective to always seek the lessons that God is teaching us, even during a pandemic. He has never left us alone.

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Lois Flowers April 17, 2021 - 2:46 pm

I feel the same way about 2020’s impact on our family, Lisa. My father—in-law had a very rough time with Covid but thankfully, God did not see fit to call him home just yet. You’re so right … God has never left us alone, nor will he ever.

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Tammy Kennington April 16, 2021 - 8:35 am

Lois,
This is beautiful and poignant –and full of truth. I am sorry for your loss and thankful God has been gracious to you. Sharing this lovely post with my FB and IG followers today.

Blessings to you,
Tammy

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Lois Flowers April 17, 2021 - 2:44 pm

Hi Tammy … thanks so much for sharing this post with your followers. And for your sweet words … they blessed my heart today. 🙂

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Sharon Hazel April 16, 2021 - 8:25 am

Thank you for sharing – so good to truly reflect on past experiences through the lens of time. One of my favourite quotes from Soren Kirkengard is: “Life can only be understood backwards but must be lived forwards.” Blessings to you and your family for healing and moving on in 2021.

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Lois Flowers April 17, 2021 - 2:43 pm

Sharon, that is a powerful quote … thank you for sharing it here. Blessings to you too, my friend.

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Paula Short April 15, 2021 - 7:30 am

Lois, Thank you for your beautifully spoken and blessed article. Blessings. xo

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Lois Flowers April 17, 2021 - 2:42 pm

Thanks so much, Paula. I hope you’re having a wonderful weekend!

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Laurie April 15, 2021 - 12:42 am

Lois, I knew I could count on you to find the silver linings of 2020, and I was not disappointed! The Instagram post is cute and catchy, but you are right – we didn’t lose a year. It may not have happened exactly the way we expected at the beginning of the year, but there was love, happiness, goodness, and grace. God was with us for every minute of the year. Thank you for the encouragement to “push through the noise”. I do need that reminder. Great post!

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Lois Flowers April 17, 2021 - 2:42 pm

I need that same reminder, Laurie. (Especially this week, for some reason.) I agree … 2020 looked different, but “love, happiness, goodness and grace” were still there to be found. Thanks for your kind words, my friend.

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Trudy April 14, 2021 - 3:30 pm

Oh Lois, I got goosebumps as I read this – “Had God’s mercy actually been at the center of His timing for my family?” As you say, 2019 was your worse year. I can’t imagine if that deep trial had happened in 2020. I’m so glad God has given you some extra therapy in spending more time with your lovely daughters. 🙂 Yes, a lot of good things have come out of 2020, and it’s good for us to remember them. Thank you for the reminder that God can redeem any of our worst years. Love and blessings to you, my friend!

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Lois Flowers April 17, 2021 - 2:35 pm

Thanks so much, Trudy. It’s been such a blessing to know that you’ve been along for the ride with me … your prayers and encouragement made such a different during that hard year! Love and hugs right back to you, my friend!

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Susan Shipe April 14, 2021 - 12:04 pm

2020 definitely was not my worst year ever – in fact, there are so many things about it that were gifts of grace. I can surely think of several “worse years ever.” Much, much worse than what 2020 involved. Great post, Lois.

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Lois Flowers April 17, 2021 - 2:26 pm

Thanks, Susan. So much of this is a matter of perspective, isn’t it? And I’m with you 100 percent about all those gifts of grace. 🙂

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Lesley April 13, 2021 - 4:10 pm

There is so much wisdom and encouragement in this post, Lois! I love how you can see God at work even in the midst of such a painful time and that you got to spend that special time with your daughters. I love the CS Lewis quote as well as the reminder that nothing is wasted with God.
Despite it being hard, 2020 definitely wasn’t my worst year ever either. In fact the first two months before the pandemic took hold were wonderful, which is partly what made all that followed so difficult to take. But looking back at how God had helped me in past hard times was a huge help and comfort.

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Lois Flowers April 17, 2021 - 2:25 pm

Oh Lesley, I can see how having two wonderful months right before the pandemic started would make the following months even more difficult. I so hope things will open up for you soon. I appreciate your kind words, my friend.

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Theresa Boedeker April 13, 2021 - 12:55 pm

Dear friend, another great post. Thanks for sharing your loss and pain and how this year was a balm to your soul. A different kind of therapy for you. No, the year was not lost, not with God at the helm. I also thought the same thing about someone who died before 2020. This sentence caught my attention: “The constant remembering and evaluating and questioning can make it difficult to separate situations over which we have no control from situations over which we are the only ones with any control.” So true.

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Lois Flowers April 17, 2021 - 2:22 pm

Thanks so much for your kind words, Theresa. Aren’t you thankful for the gift of perspective? I need to remember that when I’m in the thick of things—that someday, it will all look differently, and perhaps I’ll even be glad about it! Hugs, friend.

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Michele Morin April 13, 2021 - 11:28 am

My experience was similar, riding through the rougher spots, carried by gratitude for all the unexpected blessings.
And the pandemic is not done with us yet! More challenges; more blessings ahead?

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Lois Flowers April 17, 2021 - 2:20 pm

I expect that will be the case, Michele! I’m so thankful God goes before us and will be with us every step of the way.

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Donna April 13, 2021 - 9:56 am

Lois, this article is both profound and simple at once. I am on the same page with you, while 2020 WAS an incredibly difficult year, not one moment was wasted in God’s economy, in fact I would personally not trade it at all because of the lessons I learned. Working in hospice and bereavement I can tell you it was a mercy to lose both parents in 2019, navigating that in 2020 would have been hell. The quote from the third book of Narnia just resonates with me, as the Lord has spoken similar words to my heart many times this past year. Thank you my friend for inviting us into your story, I know I am more blessed having visited.

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Lois Flowers April 17, 2021 - 2:19 pm

Oh Donna … thank you so much for sharing your perspective as someone who works in the area of hospice and bereavement. It felt very strange when the thought first occurred to me (through the lens of of 2020, of course) that I was glad my parents had died in 2019, so I’m glad you understand! I wish they were still here, of course, but only if they could have been whole and healthy. They are far better off where they are, and I am learning to be OK with that. I appreciate your kind words, my friend.

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Joanne Viola April 13, 2021 - 9:16 am

Lois, you have made such a powerful and truth-filled point. No matter what 2020 has held for each of us, God will use it. None of it will be wasted, if we but let Him work in and through our lives. Beautiful post!

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Lois Flowers April 17, 2021 - 2:15 pm

Thank you so much, Joanne. Everything that He allows to touch our lives has a purpose. There’s so much comfort in that, isn’t there? 🙂

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