How to Pray for a Grieving Friend

by Lois Flowers

Inside: Do you struggle for words when praying for grieving friends? Try asking God to help them in areas that were difficult for you during your own seasons of sorrow.

I don’t have specific stats to back this up, but it seems as if the first few months of 2023 have been marked by an onslaught of grief and loss.

Off the top of my head, I can think of five people I know who lost close loved ones, three of them unexpectedly. And that was just over a few weeks in January and February.

At a Loss for Words

When I tell these friends I am praying for them, I mean it. But in the dark of the night, when sleep eludes me and they come to mind, I sometimes grasp for the right words.

Perhaps you know the feeling. You pray for God to be with your grieving friends and loved ones. (Though you sometimes wonder if this prayer is redundant because He has promised never to leave us). You ask Him to strengthen them, comfort them, sustain them through this dark valley.

He does and He will. But what else?

Looking Back

My mind goes back to when I was the grieving person, reeling and overwhelmed after my parents died. We didn’t lose them suddenly, but suddenly there I was: an orphaned adult.

I had never known grief like this before—sleep-stealing, strength-sapping, sorrow-spilling sadness. Many parts of my life carried on as always, but it was as if a thick, heavy blanket covered me everywhere I went.

When a friend would tell me she was praying for me, it didn’t take away the sorrow or change the circumstances. But it helped.

Just Knowing

The exact words of those prayers didn’t matter—at least not to me. In some mysterious way, it eased my pain simply to know someone else was lifting me and my sorrow before our heavenly Father. Both in the immediate aftermath of the loss, as well as months and years down the road.

If we’re unsure how to pray for our friends, we might ask them if they have any especially pressing requests. That said, given the nature of grief, there’s a good chance they might not be able to articulate a specific need on the spot.

Another option is to ask God to help them in areas that may have been difficult for us during our own grieving seasons.

For Example

We might pray that …

• They will be able to sleep at night.

• God would physically strengthen them for the day ahead.

• They will be able to see through the fog, even if it’s just far enough for the next step.

• They will have clarity to think straight when they need to, and wisdom to make the best decisions they can.

• There will be people in their lives who are willing to listen to them talk about their loss and their loved one. (These might sound like similar topics but aren’t necessarily so).

• They will find comfort and grace when the what-ifs and regrets pile up.

• God will give us opportunities to care for them in their grief, in ways that are comforting to them.

• • •

How do you pray for your grieving friends and loved ones? What prayers meant the most to you when you have been in that same sad spot? Please share in the comments …

Lois

In the aftermath of loss, it eased my pain simply to know someone else was lifting me and my sorrow before our heavenly Father. Click To Tweet We can pray that our grieving friends will be able to see through the fog, even if it’s just far enough for the next step. Click To Tweet

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Sweet Tea & Friends, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

Leave a Comment

22 comments

Paula Short April 9, 2023 - 8:59 am

Lois, I am so touched. I am so blessed to have read this today.
Thank you for sharing this with Sweet Tea & Friends this month dear friend.

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Lois Flowers April 9, 2023 - 6:06 pm

I’m glad it spoke to you, Paula. Happy Easter, friend!

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Tammy Kennington March 29, 2023 - 3:05 pm

Lois,

With so many grieving, your article is needed. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I’ll be sharing this week on Grace and Truth.

Blessings to you, friend.

Tammy

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Lois Flowers April 1, 2023 - 10:20 am

Thanks for sharing the article, Tammy. I’m so glad you found it helpful, Tammy.

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Lux March 21, 2023 - 12:16 am

This is beautiful – and really helpful! I’m one of those who aren’t sure what to say to someone grieving because I feel like there’s no word to alleviate their pain. But I agree that prayers are powerful.

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Lois Flowers March 22, 2023 - 7:23 am

I often feel unsure of what to say too, Lux. I’m glad this post was helpful for you. ❤️

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Bethany McIlrath March 18, 2023 - 11:01 am

This is so practically helpful. Thank you, Lois!

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Lois Flowers March 20, 2023 - 4:35 pm

I’m glad it was helpful, Bethany! 🙂

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Linda Stoll March 16, 2023 - 3:30 pm

Maybe this kind of praying is one of the many ways God uses to ‘restore the years the locusts have eaten’ (Joel:2:25). You have been such a blessing to me in my losses, friend, and I know that comes from a heart that has been there, done that. Thank you seems so insignificant …

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Lois Flowers March 20, 2023 - 4:38 pm

Oh, Linda … I think you are right about God using our prayers in His restorative work. I’m so glad we’ve been able to be here for one another … friends on the same path are such a blessing.

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Donna March 15, 2023 - 10:50 am

Lois, I love your heart here today. As I am one who lost my Mom unexpectedly in January, and you have been so kind to pray for me, I appreciate your insights. You know, though I work around death and grieving, it’s a whole new experience when it’s your own.

Such great advice and comfort here!

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Lois Flowers March 20, 2023 - 4:43 pm

“It’s a whole new experience when it’s your own.” Oh, Donna … that is so true. My heart grieves for you, dear friend.

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Trudy March 14, 2023 - 2:19 pm

I’m so sorry you have so many friends who have lost loved ones already this year, Lois. It truly makes the heart heavy for them. My sister-in-law just lost her sister yesterday sooner than was expected after a recurring battle with cancer. As I was looking on Hallmark at sympathy cards, I thought how appropriate this one’s message is to those grieving:
Front Message: Just because time passes doesn’t mean things “get back to normal.”
Inside Message: So whether this is a good day or a day where you’re just holding on, hope it helps to know you’re cared about as much as ever.
Love and blessings of strength, comfort, and peace to you!

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Lois Flowers March 20, 2023 - 4:41 pm

Trudy, I’m sorry for the loss of your sister-in-law’s sister … it’s heartbreaking when an expected loss comes sooner than expected. It can be hard to find a good sympathy card, but the message you shared from the one you found is so appropriate and comforting. (I’m not surprised it caught your eye. 🙂 Love and hugs, dear friend.

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Jerralea March 14, 2023 - 1:49 pm

What a good idea! Pray for them to be able to sleep at night! I know from experience the middle of the night is so lonely when you can’t sleep. Things always look better in the morning but getting to morning can seem to take forever.

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Lois Flowers March 16, 2023 - 7:39 am

That is so true, Jerralea! 😊

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Barbara Harper March 14, 2023 - 1:35 pm

Those are good thoughts of specific ways to pray for the grieving, beyond just asking God to help and bless them, though that’s fine as well. I don’t remember having trouble sleeping after any of our parents passed away. My grief was deepest at the loss of my mom. I remember thinking it was like having an open wound or a broken limb. Though at times it was better or worse, it was just always *there.* There was nothing to do for it but wait for it to heal–and even then scars or phantom pains would sometimes flare up months or years later. So sometimes I might pray that God would give a grieving friend comfort and grace to bear the pain til it eased. One verse that a friend sent in a card came back to me often and became a prayer: “Let, I pray thee, thy merciful kindness be for my comfort, according to thy word unto thy servant” (Psalm 119:76).

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Lois Flowers March 16, 2023 - 7:38 am

These are precious words, Barbara. I can relate to what you experienced after losing your mom … describing it like having an open wound or broken limb is so fitting. Praying to give a friend “grace to bear the pain til it eased” applies to many situations, doesn’t it? Thank you for sharing your heart here. ❤️

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Joanne Viola March 14, 2023 - 11:35 am

Such wise and yet practical ways to pray for our grieving friends. Lately I am finding there are times I don’t have the words and simply say, “Jesus, You alone know.”

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Lois Flowers March 14, 2023 - 4:54 pm

Oh, Joanne … I’m feel God’s peace just reading your short prayer. Hugs, friend.

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Debbie Wilson March 14, 2023 - 8:32 am

Wonderful guidance on how to support our grieving friends, of which I have many now.

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Lois Flowers March 14, 2023 - 4:50 pm

I’m so glad you found it helpful, Debbie.

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