Inside: Sickness led to soul-searching, then a comment from a friend helped me reaffirm my “why” and continues to provide encouragement for all of us today. ~

One thing I learned from having Covid twice in one year is that, for me, the recovery phase is often just as emotional as it is physical.

The first time, I was anticipating my younger daughter’s graduation from high school, and my sickness-induced gloomy thoughts went down a rabbit hole of second-guessing some key aspects of my motherhood journey.

The second time (nine months later), my words went away and I started wondering if my blogging days were over.

Autopilot

Both times I remembered my dad’s advice for when you find yourself in the middle of an uncharacteristic struggle—to put yourself on autopilot and know that you will feel better eventually.

I did feel better eventually. But the period of soul-searching went on for a bit longer.

Why am I writing? I asked myself (and God). Am I even supposed to keep this up?

Still Writing

Since I’m still hitting “publish” regularly, you’re safe to assume that I didn’t get a definite “let it go” from the still small Voice. What I did get, though, was the sense that I need to hold my blog loosely in case God ever does impress upon my heart the need to give it up.

And also, that I need to evaluate the “why” behind every post I write.

I get the irony here. This post may seem like a call for you to tell me to keep writing, and if I had written it several months ago, that’s exactly what it would have been. Now, though, I see it as a discussion about motivation.

Motivation Matters

A key learning from last year was that if I set out to write something because I’m feeling insecure, I’d be better off scheduling coffee with an in-person friend instead.

As I shared here, “My motivation behind my writing must be to encourage, not to elicit sympathy or affirmation.”

That post prompted my blogger friend Linda to share some helpful insights in the comment section.

“I’m thinking this is a constant conversation many of us have with ourselves, often unconsciously,” she wrote. “How much do we share, how transparent should we be, is this our story to tell, and why are we going there in the first place.

“Only God can give us those deepest words of affirmation and comfort that others can never (and shouldn’t have to) give us,” Linda continued. “And as He does, our draining/empty wells begin to fill to overflowing and we’re freed up to focus on those around us.”

Writing Through It

I’ve seen what Linda describes happen in my own life; perhaps you have too.

I used to blog quite a bit about my daughters and various aspects of parenting. Later, as I moved through the loss of my parents—I wrote heavily about that, and about trusting God through hard times.

Five years into what you might call my “grief journey,” I’m feeling much more like myself again. A more grownup version of myself, if that makes any sense.

I see no need to have all the answers even as I’m more confident in what I have learned—through experience and God’s work in my life—about what I believe and the hope that I have.

A Work in Progress

As the clouds part in my soul and the weights lift off my heart, I’m also feeling the urge to listen, to ask questions, to share the stories other people are living. (This is partly why I’ve added an interview Q&A feature to the blog, and also why I decided to start Remembering Our Parents on Instagram.)

Whether it has to do with healing from loss or some kind of spiritual growth, isn’t it encouraging to notice some kind of forward motion? When we can look back and see we are not how we once were in some way? When we deal with a situation we’ve faced before and observe that we responded better this time?

I call these realizations progress reports from God. And I don’t know about you, but I think they’re worth celebrating.

God is Sufficient

Never in a prideful way, because we all have so much further to go. But in a way that acknowledges God’s ongoing activity in our lives, that He is keeping His promise of completing the good work He has begun in each one of us.

As our empty wells begin to fill up again, it turns out we have more to give others. Adding to Linda’s train of thought, when we understand God alone is sufficient to meet the needs we still have, we’re able to turn our eyes outward, which—in some mysterious way—continues the healing process within our own hearts.

I hope this encourages you today, whether you are getting over Covid, moving through grief, waiting for some kind of answer or simply dealing with the regular stuff of life in our groaning world.

♥ Lois

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.