Over the last few years, I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to share some of my struggles and concerns with an older friend. I appreciate her wisdom, transparency and willingness to encourage me, even when it involves talking about things she wished she had done differently as a parent.

I remember one particular time when my friend listened, offered some suggestions and promised to pray. The next day, my thoughts about the topic went in a direction I hadn’t considered before. I was able to release some of my worry and fear, and I felt much more relaxed about the situation.

Our conversations remind me of going to counseling after my parents died. As I talked through all the twists and knots in my head and heart, I don’t recall having any great revelations like the kind that therapist-authors discuss in their books about grief.

It was more like stirring a big pot of sauce that was constantly bubbling on the back burner of my mind. I’d go home and things would occur to me—that evening or the next day—that I hadn’t thought of previously.

In both cases—with my friend and my counselor—I wasn’t talking to a stranger on the street. I wasn’t listening to Instagram influencers whose words may make me feel better about my choices and feelings but might not point me to the truth.

I was the recipient of objective, truth-filled feedback from a trustworthy person in the same room with me.

We don’t always have access to counselors and wise friends, of course. Sometimes, we have to counsel ourselves, using words we know to be true because they come from trusted sources.

We can easily get into trouble, though, when we listen to ourselves instead of talking to ourselves. Here’s how Martyn Lloyd-Jones describes the difference in his book, Spiritual Depression:

“Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?” he writes. “Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them but they are talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you.”

Lloyd-Jones says the solution is to take a cue from the writer of Psalm 42, who has the following conversation with himself: “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 42:5)

“His soul had been depressing him, crushing him,” Lloyd-Jones writes. “So he stands up and says, ‘Self, listen for moment, I will speak to you.’ ”

Certainly, there are times when our feelings point us in the direction we need to go, and we need to pay attention to them. These “gut feelings” are different from anxiety, though. They bring a kind of settledness to our spirits, rather than making us feel sour or wonky inside.

There also are seasons when we need outside help—from a pastor, mentor or counselor, perhaps—to work through issues that are affecting our ability to function well.

In many other cases, though—when we feel sad, anxious or downcast and no one else is around to encourage us through it—it can be helpful to practice what pastor and author John Piper calls “self-preaching.”

To shut off the barrage of thoughts in our heads, we can start talking to our souls—just like the psalmist did:

“Rest in God alone, my soul, for my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I will not be shaken.” (Psalm 62:5-6)

“The Lord guards the inexperienced; I was helpless, and He saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For You, Lord, rescued me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.” (Psalm 116:6-8)

“Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.” (Psalm 103:1-5)

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Are there certain truth-filled messages that you need to preach to yourself occasionally, or perhaps regularly? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.