We Didn’t Understand Then, but We Do Now

Inside: How past regrets and hard seasons can help us make a difference in someone else’s life today. ~

A while back, I came across a poignant line in a book I was editing: “I wish I’d understood this concept years ago.”

As I recall, the author was writing about boundaries and forgiveness—difficult concepts to comprehend and practice, for sure. But the statement could apply to many other topics and issues, depending on who you ask.

I’m guessing most of us could examine our lives and identify principles that took us a long time to grasp, insights that could only have come from prolonged wilderness seasons, and perhaps even lessons we’re still struggling to learn.

Giving Ourselves Grace

I understand the point my editing client was trying to make. If I had been sitting across from her in a coffee shop instead of editing her words on my laptop, though, I think I would have encouraged her to give herself grace.

I’d extend the same to myself—and also to you—when we’re tempted to lament our lack of past understanding.

Maybe we didn’t get it—whatever it was—because we didn’t want to. But perhaps we didn’t understand it back then because we couldn’t understand it. Maybe—for reasons we may never know—we weren’t developmentally, emotionally or spiritually ready to grasp the concept just yet.

Whatever the case, all we have is today. And we do understand it now—better than we did before, anyway.

So what difference does it make today? What difference could it make tomorrow?

A Personal Example

When I look back to my parents’ last months in early 2019, I regret that I didn’t ask them more questions about how they were feeling and what they were thinking. At the time, they were sharing a room at a long-term care facility near my home, each navigating an unexpected and heart-breaking decline in health.

Chances are, they may not have wanted or been able to answer questions that required much introspection. But I wish now that I had not be so afraid to ask.

Fast forward several years. Sometime in 2024, I began visiting a friend who had terminal cancer.

Talking to someone with whom you’ve recently reconnected isn’t quite the same as talking with your beloved parents in their final months. And yet, my experience with my mom and dad had a freeing impact on my interactions with my friend, particularly after she began receiving hospice care.

What Happened

I’d sit with her in the cozy living room of her Victorian home. We’d talk and laugh—sometimes through tears—about all sorts of topics relating to what she was feeling and expecting to face in the near future. She always wanted to hear about what was going on with me too—the happy and the hard.

In addition to a keen sense of humor, my friend had a deep faith, a commitment to prayer and a passion for keeping things real.

She was going before me in a journey we all will take some day. By sharing transparently from her life, she gave me a peek at the process. Watching her emboldened and encouraged me.

My Friend’s Legacy

Sadly, my friend passed away a few weeks ago. But her faithful example lives on—and not just for me.

We’ve all been through hard seasons, haven’t we? And when we are willing to share those experiences with people who are brave enough to ask, it changes us and them.

Our stories aren’t for everyone. But they are for certain people. Let’s pray for God to bring them our way—and to give us eyes to see who they may be.

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Is there a lesson you wish you had learned earlier than you did? How has understanding it later affected your life? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

P.S. I’m linking up this week with InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.