Inside: Have you ever shared an anecdote from your life that you later discovered wasn’t true? I have, and here’s what I learned from it. ~
My whole adult life, as far back as I can remember, I told a little story that went something like this.
I registered to vote before I turned 18 and voted for the first time—in a presidential election, no less—on my actual birthday. (This was before universal early voting was allowed in Kansas; until the law changed in 1995, everyone voted on Election Day unless they had a reason to vote absentee.)
I always thought it was cool that I had cast my first ballot for U.S. president on my 18th birthday. Naturally, I shared the story with my daughters when they were getting ready to vote, and with friends when election season was under way.
Unexpected Discovery
Last year, when Election Day once again fell on my birthday, I decided to see how many other times that had happened in my life. To my great shock, I discovered the story I had been telling all these years wasn’t true.
My birthday has been on Election Day a few times, but not in 1988, when I voted that first time.
I have no idea when I started telling this story, or why. I did experience some relational upheaval that same week of my teenage life, so maybe that affected my memory.
What I know for sure is this: All those years, I believed a lie. And I shared that lie with others, many times.
More Questions
I had no reason to think this memory wasn’t accurate, and yet, it wasn’t.
Not surprisingly, this brought up all sorts of questions for me. What else do I believe about my life that isn’t true? I share a lot of personal stories here on the blog as well as in real life; should I start questioning all of them too?
Upon further reflection, I’d say probably not. Going back to my years of news reporting, I’ve always tried to be as accurate as possible in my writing and speaking, and one incident doesn’t negate any of that.
Plus, memory is a complicated thing, even when everything else is working properly. If you’ve ever had a loved one with Alzheimer’s or some other kind of dementia, perhaps you’ve seen how misremembering works when disease is involved. It’s confusing, to say the least, and can lead to some troubling interactions.
Helpful Takeaways
My made-up story didn’t hurt anyone, so in the grand scheme of life, perhaps it’s not that big of a deal. But I still think there are a few helpful takeaways we can glean from it.
• We are not infallible, and neither are our memories.
• There’s a difference between purposeful deception and simple human error.
• Do your best to give grace to people who misremember. Don’t assume they are trying to pull the wool over your eyes.
• When you discover you were wrong about something, humbly offer an update. “I told you this the other day; I’ve since learned this.”
• If someone has a memory about situation that differs from yours, try this response: “I could be wrong, but this is how I remember it.”
• When in doubt about any of this, make Psalm 43:3 your regular prayer: “Send your light and your truth; let them lead me.”
What Really Happened
Speaking of truth, there have been two presidential elections on my birthday since I started voting—in 1996 and 2024. I don’t remember casting a ballot in the first one (though I probably did), and I voted early last year.
As for 1988, the election was on Nov. 8, several days after my birthday. I’m pretty sure I voted at city hall that day, but it could have been somewhere else.
That’s my new story and I’m sticking to it. (Unless someone gives me a good reason to do otherwise.)
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Have you ever told a story that you later discovered wasn’t true? Did you learn anything from the experience? Please tell us about it in the comments.
♥ Lois
We are not infallible, and neither are our memories. Share on X When you discover you were wrong about something, humbly offer an update. 'I told you this the other day; I’ve since then learned this.' Share on XP.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.
16 comments
What great bits of wisdom! I realize I could be a bit kinder and apply this the next time my husband remembers things differently. “If someone has a memory about a situation that differs from yours, try this response: ‘I could be wrong, but this is how I remember it.”
Your presence in the Grace & Truth Link-Up is such a gift! I’m featuring your post on my Pinterest board—see your feature here: https://www.pinterest.com/embracingtheune/grace-truth-christian-link-up-featured-posts/.
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I’m definitely a work in progress when it comes to all of this too, Maree! Thank so much for sharing the post on Pinterest!
Your story makes me smile because I’m sure I’ve done this many times too. I can be so certain of something in the past, only to dig a little deeper and realize I had some fact wrong. I recently finished writing my Storyworth book that Jenna had gifted me for Christmas for 2024, and I was amazed at how many “facts” that I had remembered were actually a little off here and there once I researched them a bit. Memory is definitely not a perfect thing! But usually close enough. You can still be proud that you voted from the time you were 18. 🙂
Thanks, Lisa! And that’s so cool that Jenna gave you the Storyworth book for Christmas AND that you finished it! What a treasure!
Oo, this is humbling for me, friend. I have a really strong memory and find it disorienting when I misremember something. These takeaways are so helpful, especially as lately I sometimes get brain foggy and don’t remember as well or accurately. Praise the Lord we can always ask Him to lead us in light and truth.
I’m so thankful for that too, Bethany. Hugs, friend.
What a wonderfully clarifying story—our memories do have a way of playing tricks on us.
That’s so true, Michele.
I have a memory of my father and I painting a fence when I was a child. Then my uncle shared a very similar memory of painting a fence with me–so maybe it was actually my uncle? Or they took turns? My father is no longer alive to ask. It’s funny how our memories can play tricks on us. I’ve had the same questions you mentioned–how do I know anything I remember is accurate? I think memory probably is accurate more often than not.
I like your takeaways. All we can do is our best, apologize for mistakes, and ask God’s guidance to the truth. I just thought of one more: don’t worry or fixate about it. One of my loved ones does worry about his memory, and, honestly, I think that makes it worse. He’s concerned he is on his way to early dementia. But his memory lapses are all explainable things that we all experience. I told him if he ever does weird things like put his keys in the freezer, and forget he has done so, then maybe we should be concerned. I try to be sympathetic and not downplay it, but if I try to reassure him I think he’s fine, he thinks I just don’t understand.
That’s a great addition to the takeaway list, Barbara … not to “worry or fixate about it.” Your experience with your relative is a good example of how complicated this can be relationally.
That’s very interesting, Lois! Leaving aside the many things we may have seen or heard on “the news” or perhaps been taught in school, which upon investigation are unsupported by the evidence, our own personal memories may be affected by strong emotion, sleep deprivation, illness, and other circumstances, as you have mentioned. Do you remember when you were 2 or 3 years old and wandered away from our cousin’s house in the Bronx, unbeknownst to us older kids who were out in the fenced-in back yard, and you were brought back to the house by an old man whom none of us knew? That is my memory of this event, which is both scary and amazing every time I think of it, and it always raises the question of whether the old man was a neighbor or if he could possibly have been an angel. Whatever the truth may be, we know that God protected you and preserved your life, just as He did in your recent bike accident. Praise God that, as Lamentations 3:22-23 reminds us, He is faithful and His mercies are new every morning!
Lydia, I know what you mean about that experience being both scary and amazing! I honestly don’t know if I remember it happening or just know it happened because I’ve heard the story. I’ve also wondered if the man was an angel. How else would he have known where to bring me? Whatever the case, I am thankful for God’s protection–then and now!
Oh, my! Our memory is a complex beast. I’ve had a similar story to yours: I started kindergarten and college on my birthday. Now that I’ve read your article, I’m wondering if I’m remembering correctly. It can be disquieting to learn that we’ve misremembered something, but I appreciate your approach. All we can do is work with what we have—we can move forward with the knowledge we have, and when we realize our mistakes, we can course-correct.
That’s a good way of putting it, Ashley. “All we can do is work with what we have.” So true.
Ah, memory can be a trickster. I vividly remember an incident from childhood that ended with my father tucking me into bed – I was maybe six or seven. But the bedroom of that memory wasn’t built until I was in high school. So, a conflated memory. Research, indeed, is helpful.
Yes, it certainly is!