Inside: When we believe we’re in charge, we often grasp our agendas, micromanage and fear the future. Thinking differently brings freedom and peace.~
“You’re responsible, but you’re not in control.”
I once heard a pastor say these words when introducing a series on the book of Daniel. At the time, I was helping my parents in a rapidly declining stage of their lives. And I can’t think of a better way to describe my role than that.
I was in charge of handling their affairs and keeping a close eye on their care. But when it came to the perplexing health problems they were both experiencing, there wasn’t a whole lot I could do.
I was responsible, but I wasn’t in control.
Many Applications
This doesn’t just pertain to assisting aging parents, of course. It applies to all of life—rearing children, taking care of our bodies, serving as citizens and employees, managing our households, nurturing relationships, doing ministry work and everything in between.
We’re responsible, but we’re not in control.
Here’s what often happens when we forget this truth. When we think we’re in control, we desire to have control or we fear losing control, we tend to micromanage. We roll out our own solutions without waiting for the right answer to present itself. We set our expectations on certain outcomes. We grasp tightly to our agendas and schedules. We fear the future and dread the unknown.
This is no way to operate, I can assure you. It’s stressful, anxiety inducing and frustrating, for us and the people around us.
On the Other Hand …
When we remember that we’re responsible but it’s God who is in control, we’re free to do what we need to do without agonizing over every little detail.
We engage the process. We advocate for our loved ones, young and old. We offer opinions and ask about possible solutions. We change our plans when something comes up. We pray for specific miracles (and sometimes ask others to join us).
Through it all—and especially when we have no idea what to do next—we pray for God’s will, not ours. We pray for wisdom.
And we pray that the sovereign Lord of the universe would direct our steps as only He can do, that He would strengthen our legs for the path that He has laid out for us, and that He would give us courage to walk on that path wherever it leads.
• • •
No Post Here Next Week
Next week, I plan to send out the first issue of my subscriber-only, email newsletter, Courage, Dear Heart. The newsletter will replace my third blog post of each month.
If you’re already on the list, I’m so grateful. If you’re not, subscribe today so you don’t miss anything. As my way of saying thanks, you will receive a seven-day devotional called Faith, Fear, and the God Who Goes Before Us once you sign up.
♥ Lois
We’re responsible, but we’re not in control. Share on X When we remember that we’re responsible but it’s God who is in control, we’re free to do what we need to do without agonizing over every little detail. Share on XP.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.
23 comments
That’s such a valid truth, Lois: responsible but not in control. I’ve seen people (and myself too) veer too heavy on either end of that spectrum at times, but neither works. Finding that sweet spot is where our contentment lies.
That’s so true, Lisa. Contentment is hard to come by when we think everything is up to us.
This is so true – Responsible, but not in control. Thank you for this gentle reminder. Taking care of our aging family members has such hard moments, hard decisions. I am so glad God has been and is in control – of them and me, too.
Oh Maryleigh, I hear you. Isn’t it comforting to remember that God is in control of our lives as well as our loved ones’ lives? He’s the Author of all our stories, and I’m so thankful.
“When we remember that we’re responsible but it’s God who is in control, we’re free to do what we need to do without agonizing over every little detail.” – Yes. Amen! Looking forward to your newsletter next week!
Bethany, life is so much better when we’re not agonizing over details, isn’t it? Thankful for you, friend.
P.S. I just tried to subscribe to your newsletter but I couldn’t get the link to work. It just said “page can’t be reached”. I’m not sure if it’s a general issue or if it’s just not working for me.
This is such a helpful post, Lois. I hadn’t thought about the difference between being responsible for something and being in control. I definitely have a tendency to feel responsible for everything and everyone and I need the reminder that God is really in control and it doesn’t all depend on me.
“It doesn’t all depend on me.” So true, Lesley, and what a relief too! Hugs, friend.
i’ve learned the hard way that control is highly over-rated. what a relief, what freedom when we finally learn who really is in control and hand the reigns over to Him.
thy will be done.
and i can’t wait for your newsletter, friend.
Amen to the prayer that never fails, dear friend. I’m so thankful for you!
I still can’t imagine how heavy the weight was for you when both your parents were ailing and then dying so closely after each other, Lois. But I can see now how God is turning those ashes into beauty. You have learned so much and can encourage us in our difficult situations. I’m with you in praying “that the sovereign Lord of the universe would direct our steps as only He can do, that He would strengthen our legs for the path that He has laid out for us, and that He would give us courage to walk on that path wherever it leads.” Thank you for all the hope you give to us through the burdens in this life. Love, hugs, and blessings of surrendering all our cares to our sovereign Lord!
Aw, Trudy … thanks so much for your encouraging words and perspective. I am thankful, as I know you are too, that God is faithful when it comes to turning beauty into ashes. Love and hugs to you, dear friend.
“You’re responsible, but you’re not in control.”
I so needed to read these words. Thank you, friend.
You’re welcome, Joanne. They are on repeat in my mind as well. 🙂
I kept thinking of the word “faithful” as I read your post. We’re called to be faithful in the area He puts us and leave the results with Him. There is peace in knowing He knows our limits.
Amen to every word, Debbie!
Love this quote Lois, its truth is profound and yet simple. As a super responsible person, however, I can view responsibility as the need to control things. This has many roots in my past trauma, but the more I regain a healthy sense of responsibility, the more I realize just how much is NOT within my control!
Donna, thanks for sharing your perspective as a recovering “super responsible person.” 🙂 I’m thankful that regaining a healthy sense of responsibility is helping you realize how much is not in your control. Hugs, friend.
There’s an astonishing amount of my life that is out of my control. I’m not sure how anyone functions without the emotional ballast of trust in a good God who has ordained the details of my storyline.
I don’t know how anyone functions without that either, Michele. So thankful for “a good God who has ordained the details of my storyline.” What a beautiful way of putting it!
What a wise saying and a helpful way to look at life. The older I get, it seems like less and less is, or ever has been, in my control. All we can do is be faithful, seek God’s wisdom, and make the best decisions with the knowledge we have at the time.
So true, Barbara. I feel the same way about control the older I get.