What Helps

Months ago, in the thick of the intensely heartrending busyness that overtook my life for a season, I started pondering what I was finding helpful during that time.

I’m guessing this train of thought charged out of the station after I experienced something decidedly unhelpful—a casually tossed-out cliché, silence from someone who probably should have spoken up, unsolicited advice from a person who was not an expert.

You get the idea.

Christian books often include a chapter or two about the unhelpful “help” the author and others have received during trials of various sorts. The idea, of course, is to show readers what not to do (while also hopefully encouraging them about what does help).

At my lowest points over the last year, I probably could have contributed a story or two to some of these books. But on this particular day, I decided to let them go and focus on identifying a few things that actually were making a positive difference in my life and heart.

I’m sharing that list with you today, not because I think you need to adopt these practices or feel the same way about each item that I do, but to show that it doesn’t take much. Even something small or seemingly insignificant can be encouraging and provide much-needed stability during a hard season.

Such as:

• Making the bed. I’ve always kept a pretty tidy house, but there were weeks that went by when I simply didn’t have the time or energy to clean the bathrooms or vacuum the floor. I did, however, make my bed every single day. I may not have known what the next 24 hours were going to hold, but straightening up those covers and arranging all the pillows each morning brought comforting order to my life when so much outside my house was simply out of my control.

• Doing the laundry. What making the bed did for me each day, doing the laundry accomplished a few times each week. Projects could be ignored and unnecessary communication put on hold, but those clothes and towels still had to be washed. Completing this mundane chore helped me feel like I was getting something done, even as I was leaving so much undone.

• Exercise. The treadmill in my basement laundry room is cracked in places, peeling in others. It is sorta rickety, extremely low tech, makes a lot of noise and doesn’t smell great. But the endorphins that are produced in me when I use it several times a week are pure gold when it comes to my sanity.

• Empathetic friends. It can be tiring to be around someone who is under a lot stress. During those months leading up to my parents’ deaths, I got tired of myself quite often, to be honest. That’s why friends who stuck around—who never stopped seeking me out after church or meeting me for coffee or emailing to see how I was getting along—meant so much.

• Compassionate medical personnel. Competence is most important, of course. But gentle eyes and a kind tone are very helpful too. Especially when the news isn’t good or when it’s obvious that the daughter who never expected to be making medical decisions for her parents is close to the end of her emotional rope.

• My husband’s voice. Randy’s voice has always been a source of comfort for me, and never more so than when he’d call for an update as I was leaving the nursing home after visiting my mom and dad. Hearing his voice on the phone didn’t erase the sadness, but it did make me feel better, every time.

As you’ve read my list, perhaps you’ve thought of some practical things that have sort of saved your own life when you were trudging through a dark season. If so, please share them in the comments. Who knows? That little thing that helped you might be the very thing that gets someone else through the next day or week.

♥ Lois

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Purposeful Faith, #TellHisStory, Let’s Have Coffee, Faith on Fire, Faith ‘n Friends and Grace & Truth.

Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash