When You’re the Exception, not the Rule 

I was walking at the lake with a friend.

I’ve known her for years. I know some of the more heart-wrenching parts of her story, though not every daily struggle.

At some point in our conversation, menopause came up. I expressed to her that when I entered this season of life at 41, a full 10 years earlier than the average woman, I felt more alone than at any other time in my life.

Part of the reason I felt so alone is that nobody I knew was where I was. My sisters—two older and one younger—weren’t there. Friends my age weren’t there. Older friends who had already been there didn’t really talk about it.

For all I knew, I was the only one who struggled with this. And boy, did I struggle.

I remember going to the library and checking out a fat stack of books about menopause. I lugged them all out to the swing by our swimming pool and cracked open the first one.

It was summer, so it was probably too hot to read outside anyway. But I also was put off by clinical descriptions of what to expect, stats about women who sail through this season of life with no issues at all, and all the pros and cons of hormone replacement therapy.

A short time later, I dragged all the books back into the house, and eventually back to the library. I didn’t know what kind of help I needed at that point, but it was obvious I wasn’t going to find it in a book.

When I shared bits and pieces of this with my friend at the lake, it opened the door for her to share some of her own experiences—not with menopause, but with something else that I could relate to all too well.

I’m thankful for my friend, for her gentle wisdom and her willingness to talk openly about those hard things that make us feel like we’re the exception, rather than the rule.

You know what it is for you. The homeopathic remedy works for everyone else, but not you. The procedure is 95 percent effective, but you’re in other 5 percent. The parenting technique works for everyone else’s kids, but not yours. And so on.

God is faithful to use these scenarios to increase our dependence on Him and shape us into the people He wants us to be. It’s hard, though, when you feel like nobody else can relate. It’s hard to feel like you’re a pioneer on vast, endless frontier.

I’ve been on that same lonely frontier—more than once, actually. It’s not a pleasant place to be, for sure, but along the way I’ve made some observations that might help the next time you find yourself there.

• Certainly, you are not the only one. The scriptural principle that there’s nothing new under the sun applies to every single kind of condition known to mankind (or womankind, as the case may be). (Ecclesiastes 1:9)

• God knows how you are formed and remembers that you are dust. This direct quote from Psalm 103:14 has brought me more comfort over the years than I can even begin to articulate here. God understands our human frailty because He is the One who created us that way. Not by accident, no matter what our perceived shortcomings or limitations may be.

• Being laid bare before God is not the worst place you can be. Even when all appears hopeless (if only in our minds) and we feel nothing but helpless, we can trust Him to shelter us, strengthen us, carry us and—eventually and in His own way—deliver us. As Deuteronomy 33:27 so beautifully puts it, “The God of old is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms.”

Finally, if you’re in need of some musical encouragement today, I’ll close with this song by Casting Crowns. It often brings me to tears, but also never fails to bless my soul.

♥ Lois

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee, Inspire Me Monday, #HeartEncouragement and Grace & Truth.