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Lois Flowers

We Fall Down, We Get Up Again

by Lois Flowers April 9, 2024
by Lois Flowers

Inside: In running—and in life—falls are often unavoidable. Along the way, we might acquire skills that help us stay upright. But when we do land on the ground, we don’t have to stay there. ~

Since I started running outside about four years ago, I’ve taken two bad falls, both on wooden bridges near my home.

At the time, I blamed the wipeouts on personal clumsiness. And it’s true—I’m not the most coordinated person in the world.

One day, though, I decided to see if falling is common among runners. Turns out, I’m not the only one.

The Art of Falling

Here’s how the Tallahassee Democrat newspaper describes it in an article titled “If You’re a Serious Runner, There’s an Art to Falling While Running”:

“One moment you are streaking along feeling like you are invincible and the next moment you find yourself on the ground taking inventory of face, knees, arm and more to figure out how more than your pride got hurt in ‘The Fall.’”

Whether I am a “serious runner” is up for debate. I’ve never jogged on a wooded trail, where Google indicates runners are prone to fall after tripping on tree roots. Even so, I can relate to every word in the previous paragraph.

Safe Landing?

I didn’t find any articles citing stats about how often runners fall, just that many do, and increasingly so as they get older.

In his later years, when unsteadiness became a major issue, my dad used to say that he “knew how to fall.” I might have scoffed at this a bit, but now I’m guessing he had either used his engineering expertise to learn this skill, or else he read about it on the internet.

An article on the Runner’s World website titled “Ensure a Safe Landing” purports to help, but I’m not so sure. Rehearsing instructions like “in mid fall, twist or roll your body to the side” ahead of time might sound like a good idea. But when I’m hurtling toward the ground after tripping on an uneven board on the bridge, twisting or rolling is the farthest thing from my mind.

That said, I have gotten myself out of a few falls, usually on the flat asphalt path. When I feel myself starting to stumble, I concentrate on running through it until I gain my balance back. I don’t look very graceful doing this, but I always breathe a sigh of relief that I’ve run another day without falling.

Down But Not Out

In running—and in life—we fall, and we get up again. Along the way, we might acquire skills that help us stay upright. But falling is often unavoidable.

Our falls may be due to clumsiness, inexperience, lack of knowledge or perhaps even sin. But however we fall—through outbursts of anger, wasting time, spiraling into needless worry, tripping over a curb, you name it—being down doesn’t have to be permanent.

Sometimes we can get up, dust off and keep going. Other times, injuries—to our bodies or perhaps our relationships—need attention.

For example, I banged up my kneecap the last time I fell while running. My injury appeared to be a case of prepatellar bursitis, also known as “housemaid’s knee.” It didn’t hurt when I ran, but it took several weeks for the swelling to go down and my knee to look normal again.

Making Things Right

We might feel embarrassed when we fall, but there’s a good chance that if anyone saw us, they would feel badly for us and want to help. Plus, if we go about life worrying about what other people might think, we’ll never get back out there after a stumble—wherever “out there” might be.

If our horizontal relationships are harmed by a fall, however it happens, we might need to set aside our pride, apologize and ask for forgiveness. Same with our vertical relationship—with the God who made us and knows our every predisposition toward sin.

The good news is that with God, every day offers a fresh start.

His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23).

Next Time

We fall down; we get up again. And, hopefully, we take greater care the next time we encounter a situation where we are prone to fall.

I’ve learned running on bridges is hazardous for me, so now, I try to be aware of slick spots, uneven boards, what’s ahead of me, where my feet are landing.

And sometimes, just making it across a slippery wooden bridge without falling is a win worth celebrating.

♥ Lois

However we fall—through outbursts of anger, wasting time, spiraling into needless worry, tripping over a curb, you name it—being down doesn’t have to be permanent. Share on X We fall down; we get up again. Hopefully with greater care taken the next time we encounter a situation where we are prone to fall. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

April 9, 2024 20 comments
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The Healing Power of Writing

by Lois Flowers April 2, 2024
by Lois Flowers

Inside: You don’t have to be a professional wordsmith to benefit from writing through grief. Here are a few practical tips if you’re not sure how to start or you’re afraid it might be too painful. ~

The healing power of writingMy parents died five years ago this spring. As I ponder my grief journey, I see how writing through it—here on the blog as well in other places—has facilitated a huge amount of healing in my life.

I suppose this makes sense. I’ve been writing for many decades at this point, first as a member of my high school newspaper staff and then later as a reporter and editor for several different types of print news publications.

News writing isn’t the same as grief writing, of course. I suppose my education for that began when I started typing up my daily prayers, and then continued when I started this personal blog almost a decade ago.

Word Therapy

All these years later, it’s hard for me to process almost anything in my life without writing it down first. While that’s partly due to internal wiring and work experience, I believe people with other personalities and professional backgrounds also can be helped tremendously by writing through grief and loss.

Here’s my theory: If you can talk, you can write. And writing helps.

Grief expert David Kessler talked about one benefit during a recent webinar called “The Healing Power of Writing.”

“Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. Healing means the event no longer controls us,” he explained. “Writing is a way of taking control.”

What if it Hurts?

When people ask Kessler if it will hurt to write about what they’ve gone through, his answer is always the same: “You’ve got an illusion that writing will make it painful. It’s already painful.”

In other words, yes, it will probably hurt, but it’s also worth it.

If this sounds intriguing to you but you’ve never tried it, one place to start is by journaling.

It doesn’t have to be neat. It doesn’t even have to be on actual paper.

Printing vs. Typing

My family will readily tell you my handwriting is terrible. To be fair, it got that way from years of scribbling notes during newspaper interviews and press conferences. It’s still bad, though, which is why typing is more helpful for me.

For some, the act of writing by hand is soothing and therapeutic. But if that’s not you, you can open up a Word document or the notes file on your phone.

You don’t have to produce complete paragraphs or sentences. A bulleted list works just as well.

What Happened?

If you don’t want to write about your feelings regarding a particular event or set of circumstances, jot down what you think about it instead. If that’s still too tender, just write what happened.

Start with the facts. Ask yourself questions. You might be surprised where that takes you.

Chances are, your feelings will come out eventually. But if you’re not striving to answer, “How are you feeling?” your thoughts may flow more freely.

Your words don’t have to be lyrical or poetic. You don’t have to write like your favorite author; in fact, you shouldn’t even try.

Just Write Like You Talk

Nobody needs to read what you write unless you show them. If you’re worried about someone finding your journal when you’re dead, or if you accidently leave your notebook lying around, type what you want to say and then delete it.

Or write it down and tear it up. Or protect it with a password only you know.

If what you’re writing makes you cry, that’s OK. Don’t be alarmed by tears. They’re therapeutic.

If it hurts, remember Kessler’s words. It hurt before you started. Writing it down actually could lessen the pain a bit. Over time, it could lessen it a lot.

Don’t Rush It

At some point in the future, the weight of grief will lift and you may feel inspired to keep writing for other reasons. Don’t rush it, though.

Your goal is healing. Processing. Getting the words out to create new pathways for your neurons.

You’re not looking for ways to add more stress to your life, so don’t feel like you ever have to share your writing with anyone unless you want to.

Do Something Else

And if, after you’ve read all this, you still don’t want to write anything, that’s totally OK too.

Go for a walk. Bake some cookies. Put on some loud music and clean your bathroom. Call a friend and talk for an hour on the phone (yes, people still do that).

Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

We can rest in this promise whether we write through our grief or not.

• • •

Does journaling or some other form of writing help you work through your struggles or grief? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

If you don’t want to write about your feelings regarding a sad event, jot down what you think about it instead. If that’s still too tender, just write what happened. Share on X If what you’re writing makes you cry, that’s OK. Don’t be alarmed by tears. They’re therapeutic. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

April 2, 2024 28 comments
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30 Years and Counting: 4 Keys to a Happy Marriage

by Lois Flowers March 26, 2024
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Three decades after saying “I do,” I share a few thoughts about laughing together, embracing differences, dealing with “the unforeseens” and growing older with the one you love. ~

My first clue that this wedding anniversary might not be like all the others was when I got choked up reading the “husband” cards at Wal-Mart. Then I found two cards I really liked, rather than barely coming up with one that said just the right thing without being too wordy.

That’s never happened before.

Maybe it’s this season of having both daughters away at college for the first time. Or perhaps I keep thinking back five years ago to our 25th anniversary, which came along weeks before both my parents died.

Whatever the Case

Thirty years is hitting me different, it seems.

We’ve never been big into anniversary trips and whatnot. Randy replaced my plain gold wedding ring with a diamond anniversary band once. This gift came at 11 years, though, rather than some more traditional milestone date.

I’m OK with all that.

I don’t blog about marriage very often, nor do I gush about “my man” much on Instagram. Even so, the state of our union is good. And since this month’s Share Four Something post falls directly on our anniversary date, I thought I’d offer a few keys to “long-haul love,” as I like to call it.

• Laugh Together

 Randy and I were on our way to the grocery store. As we entered the parking lot, I noticed a “Tent Sale” sign advertising one of those events where they bring merchandise outside and display it under a big white awning.

“I didn’t know they sold tents at HyVee,” Randy said as we drove by the sign.

The minute the words left his mouth, I burst out laughing. Not simply because what he said was funny, but because I knew—with 100 percent certainty—that he was going to say it.

My laughter made him laugh, and we sat there chuckling as people who have been married a long time sometimes do. Our daughter Molly rolled her eyes in the backseat, which didn’t surprise me a bit since I used to do the very same thing in the back of my dad’s old Rambler as my parents cackled over some inside joke up front.

We’ve always been a laughing family, back when it was just the two of us and especially as our girls were growing up. And not just in seasons when everything was going right, either.

In the saddest season of my family’s history, we found comfort and healing in laughter.

“The couple who laughs together stays together” might not have the same ring as other common sayings, but I think it’s true too.

• Embrace Your Differences

Even though we scored the same four letters on the Myers Briggs test we took during our premarital counseling, Randy and I are not exactly alike. We have some similar personality traits, but we process the world very differently.

I’m seeing this more and more as we get older, and it’s a good thing.

We both bring characteristics to the table that sometimes frustrate each other but also make each other better. We can learn from the ways that we are different and either appreciate them more or perhaps emulate them ourselves.

This kind of growth must be self-directed, however. It’s not a matter of thinking we can change each other, like we (I) assumed when we first got married. Rather, it’s more of attitude that says, “Maybe he’s been on to something all these years and perhaps it’s time I looked into that more.”

• Expect the Unforeseens

 Last fall, Randy was in the middle of demoing the second-floor bathroom when we discovered water in the basement media room. He left the mess upstairs to rip out and replace the soggy carpet. (This entails much more than simply buying new carpet squares, by the way).

He’d barely gotten back to working on the bathroom when we left to visit Lilly in Spain. We returned home on Thanksgiving Day with Covid, which prolonged the completion of the bathroom even longer. (Turns out, tiling between coughing fits is just as awful as it sounds.)

John Lennon was right when he sang, “Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.” This includes the “unforeseens,” as Randy tells me such problems are called in the commercial construction industry.

Over the course of a marriage, we do well when we understand that these unexpected situations will happen, even if we don’t know what they will be, and take each one as it comes.

The sooner we figure out how to roll with the unforeseens together, the better off we’ll be.

• Commit to Growing Old Together

Real life is not a Hallmark movie. Things fall apart, including our bodies as we age.

We do our best to keep ourselves moving forward, of course. But we also need to give ourselves—and each other—grace as we age.

I learned this lesson by watching my parents in their later years. We never know what challenges may come our way or how we will respond to them. However, knowing what could happen—because we saw it happen to our loved ones—gives us a chance to decide some things ahead of time.

To hold our expectations and plans loosely. To never say never. To willingly receive input from others who might be able to see things more objectively.

I’m reminded of a favorite Psalm that just might become my prayer for this season of my life and marriage.

“Teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts. …

“Satisfy us in the morning with your faithful love so that we may shout for joy and be glad all our days.

“Make us rejoice for as many days as you have humbled us, for as many years as we have seen adversity.

“Let your work be seen by your servants, and your splendor by their children.

“Let the favor of the Lord our God be on us; establish for us the work of our hands, establish the work of our hands.” ~ Psalm 90:12-17

• • •

If you are married, how long? Have you come up with any of your own keys to long-haul love? If you’re single, please share any lessons about life that you may have learned from observing a loved one’s marriage.

♥ Lois

The unforeseens are part of life, and the sooner we figure out how to roll with them together, the better off we’ll be. Share on X Knowing what could happen as we age together—because we saw it happen to our loved ones—gives us a chance to decide some things ahead of time. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with sharefoursomethings, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

March 26, 2024 28 comments
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It’s Hard to Wait for God to Rescue a Loved One

by Lois Flowers March 19, 2024
by Lois Flowers

Inside: As time drags on and it seems like nothing ever changes, it helps to remember a few key truths about faith, feelings and God’s faithfulness. ~

When it comes to faith, I often find it easier to trust God in the middle of my own struggles than it is to wait for Him to come to the rescue of someone I love.

I don’t know why this is. I just know that it happens

Maybe it’s because I don’t like to wait. I look up movie spoilers in the middle of the show. I always read the end of the book first.

Perhaps it’s a control or trust issue.

Only Human

Or maybe I’m just a finite human being who longs for a happy ending—and an easy way to get there. I’m guessing I’m not the only one, either.

We can’t make God answer our prayers in the way we want, when we want. We can’t force an outcome.

We might like to, but we can’t.

We also can’t make other people respond how we might respond—or how we think we might respond—to any given trial. While God offers only one way to salvation, He relates to each mind and heart in a unique way, much like any other loving parent interacts with his or her children individually.

What’s Taking So Long?

God’s plans for each of us are for our good. I believe this, and you probably do too.

Not in a cliche, pat-answer kind of way, but deep down—in that place where we trust His sovereignty even when the plans He unfolds don’t make any sense to us and might even seem to be the opposite of good.

But as time drags on and nothing changes—at least nothing that’s readily apparent—it’s easy to wonder.

What’s taking so long? What’s the point of all this? Is healing ever going to come?

Fickle Feelings

It’s possible these questions stem from doubt or a lack of faith. But often, they’re based on feelings, which are fickle. They ebb and flow, depending on all kinds of internal and external stimuli.

Faith, on the other hand, is based on a relationship with God, which is eternal.

I believe every word of Jeremiah 32:17: “Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.”

God could remedy in an instant the situations in which our loved ones find themselves. When He doesn’t, it makes us sad to see them struggling or suffering. To feel otherwise would be somewhat less than human, I think.

What Faith Is

And sadness does not indicate an absence or lack of faith. Faith has nothing to do with feelings, in fact. According to Hebrews 11:1, it’s “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

We can’t see what’s going on behind the curtain, but we do know there’s not a fake wizard back there. The God who is working in the lives of our loved ones is the same God who was with Jeremiah and all the other Old Testament prophets—the very same ones who wondered when God was going to act and yet wrote so eloquently about His compassion, protection, mercy and justice.

So while we keep praying for Him to move, let’s encourage our hearts with this truth: that “the God of all grace, who called [us] to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support [us] after you have suffered a little.” (1 Peter 5:10)

♥ Lois

Feelings ebb and flow, depending on all kinds of internal and external stimuli. Faith, on the other hand, is based on a relationship with God, which is eternal. Share on X While God offers only one way to salvation, He relates to each mind and heart in a unique way, much like any other loving parent interacts with his or her children individually. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

March 19, 2024 30 comments
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The Key to Aging Joyfully

by Lois Flowers March 12, 2024
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Younger women have much to learn from older saints who have lived through hard times and yet still radiate joy at every turn. ~

We hear a lot about trauma these days. Much of it is not what we would have called trauma five or 10 years ago.

Whether we consider this development to be positive, unhelpful or somewhere in between, it’s clear the narratives surrounding the issue are constantly evolving and often vary depending on age.

Ask a Millennial or Gen-Z believer about the trauma in her life. Then turn around and ask an 80- or 90-year-old who has been following Jesus for many decades the same question. I can’t say this with 100 percent certainty, but you will probably get vastly different answers.

Why the Difference?

Some of this relates to personality, of course. Also to semantics and generational differences regarding how comfortable we are speaking about the hard things in life.

Even so, I think younger women (including Gen-Xers like me) could learn a great deal from much older Christians, especially the ones who radiate joy at every turn.

Chances are, these precious saints have faced a variety of challenges in their lives. Some were born in the Great Depression; many lived through World War II and all sorts of national upheaval over the years.

They might not be accustomed to talking about it. But they also may have experienced personal trials and losses that might be considered traumatic today, and for good reason.

Focusing on God

Even so, as they get closer to the ends of their lives, they choose to focus on God’s love and grace, on His goodness and provision, rather than on anything negative. Again, this might be a generational thing. But I also think it helps explain why they’ve been able to maintain such a joyful spirit all these years.

Attitude may not be everything, but it is something—this much is true.

I’m “only” 53, so I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about dying. I do ponder what I want to be like as I get older, though. Especially if I am fortunate enough to live to be very old.

Blessing After Blessing

Several weeks ago, I read a blog post about an 89-year-old woman who had been hospitalized for a serious illness right before Christmas. The blogger, Melissa Edgington, was amazed at how her friend described her time in the hospital.

“She told me about how she met Jesus there, in the days leading up to His birthday,” Melissa wrote here. “He sent a steady stream of doctors, nurses, and support staff to her side to show His love to her in personal ways. …

“She insisted that this experience was blessing after blessing after blessing,” Melissa added. “She knew that God had placed her exactly where she needed to be to know His love in a very tangible way through the caring hands of the people He created.”

Another Example

As I read this story, I couldn’t help but think of my own Aunt Renate. Now 93, she radiates the same kind of contentment and peace Melissa observed in her elderly friend.

I recently shared with Aunt Renate a piece I had written that referred to Romans 8:28—the truth that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose. She told me she’s always believed the truth of that scripture, but each day she appreciates it more.

“All the things that have happened to me are truly because of God’s great love,” she wrote in an email. “If I had known how good they all are for me, I would have wanted them to happen. God is so good.”

That sort of perspective doesn’t come from constantly ruminating on all the bad things—past, present or future—in the world or in our lives. It comes from meditating on God’s character, thanking Him for His provision, trusting in His mercy and grace.

Walking Home Well

No matter how old we are, our long walk home to heaven will likely include some degree of grief and pain. But when I think about Aunt Renate and Melissa’s friend, I’m hopeful that it doesn’t have to be a miserable journey.

I don’t know if I’ll live to be 93. If I do, though, I hope Aunt Renate’s recent words to me will be the same words I freely share with others.

“I have had and am having a wonderful life,” she said. “I stand on all of God’s wonderful promises.”

♥ Lois

Younger women (including Gen-Xers like me) could learn a great deal from much older Christians, especially the ones who radiate joy at every turn. Share on X Our long walk home to heaven will likely include some degree of grief and pain. But it doesn’t have to be a miserable journey. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

March 12, 2024 16 comments
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Trusting God in the Wilderness: 20 Encouraging Truths

by Lois Flowers March 5, 2024
by Lois Flowers

Inside: We may feel like we’re wasting time when we’re stuck in the wilderness, but these tough seasons can transform our hearts and prepare us for what’s next like nothing else. ~

The topic of the wilderness seems to be coming up quite a bit lately. I’m taking a Bible study at church about it. My blogger friend Michele Morin touched on it in our recent Q&A.

I’m not in a wilderness season myself—not right now, anyway. I’ve been there before, though, and I’m guessing you have too.

A former pastor described the wilderness as “a particular time or place between where you are and where God wants you to be.” It may seem like we’re wasting time while we’re there, but the truth is, these dry, desolate landscapes have the potential to transform our hearts and prepare us for what’s next like nothing else.

Years ago, in a class I taught at church, we talked about what the wilderness looks like, why it’s so hard and why God allows us to linger there. If you are trudging through a desert of your own right now, I hope the following truths gleaned from my lesson notes provide perspective and encouragement for you today.

Into the Wilderness

• Every Christian goes through wilderness experiences, some more than others.

• Not every hard or inconvenient thing is the wilderness.

• Sometimes we don’t know we’re in the wilderness until we’re well into it.

• Sometimes the wilderness is difficult because it’s so intense; sometimes it’s the length of time is that makes it hard.

• When we’re in the wilderness, we need to accept the fact that we are there and might be there for quite some time.

God is With Us

• God is sovereign over the wilderness. He tests us and may allow sifting, but whatever happens, we are never completely at the mercy of Satan.

• While in the wilderness, we should remember that God is with us, but not expect Him to live up to our expectations of what He will look like or do.

• When we are at the end of our rope in the wilderness, God will strengthen us.

• At our lowest points—laid bare with no idea how to move forward—we need to hold on to the realization that God is enough.

Life Goes On

• Life goes on in the wilderness. Just because we’re there doesn’t mean we’re going to be miserable all the time.

• When we get a respite in the wilderness, we should try to enjoy it. Cue a verse I’ve loved forever: “Then they came to Elim where there were twelve springs of water and seventy date palms, and they camped there beside the waters.” (Exodus 15:27)

• Things are not always as they seem in the wilderness. Just as deserts have mirages, so our foggy minds can play tricks on us. Cue another verse that is one of my go-to prayers: “Send Your light and Your truth; let them lead me.” (Psalm 43:3)

Heart Work

• If we are in the wilderness due to no fault of our own, it’s because our loving heavenly Father deems it necessary. It’s the right place to be if He has allowed us to be there.

• If we get there because we’ve run away or made bad choices, God is still there. We need to move toward Him; He will redeem.

• God leads us and takes care of us in the wilderness, even when sin puts us there.

• It may be hard to see except in retrospect, but one heart issue that God often deals with in the wilderness is pride. (Ask me how I know.)

After the Wilderness

• Some wilderness experiences end victoriously; some end quietly.

• Even when we can see the wilderness in our rearview mirror, we may never be completely “over it.” Scars and sadness may always serve as reminders of where we’ve been and how it has affected us.

• The wilderness will change us, so our ministries may be completely different once we leave than they were before we got there. Remember: God doesn’t just have one assignment for us in life; He gives us different ones during different seasons.

• When the rough terrain becomes smooth again, we need to appreciate where we are, which is NOT in the wilderness.

Now that you’ve read my list, I would love to know: What has the wilderness taught you that you may not have learned somewhere else? Also, if you stopped on any of these points and thought, I’d love to read more about that one, let me know in the comments.

♥ Lois

While in the wilderness, we should remember that God is with us, but not expect Him to live up to our expectations of what He will look like or do. Share on X If we are in the wilderness due to no fault of our own, it’s because our loving heavenly Father deems it necessary. It’s the right place to be if He has allowed us to be there. Share on X The wilderness will change us, so our ministries may be completely different once we leave than they were before we got there. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

March 5, 2024 16 comments
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As long as we’re here on planet Earth, God has a good purpose for us. This is true no matter how old we are, what we feel on any given day or what we imagine anyone else thinks about us. It can be a struggle, though, to believe this and live like it. It requires divine strength and eternal hope. And so I write, one pilgrim to another, in an effort to encourage us both as we navigate the long walk home together.

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