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Lois Flowers

4 Ways to Respond When Your Prayers Go Unanswered

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: “When is God going to answer my prayer?” If you’ve ever asked this question, the following steps may encourage you and help you move forward as you wait. ~

I get a little antsy when an answer I am expecting takes longer than expected to arrive. OK, maybe antsy isn’t quite the right adjective. Anxious, irritable, practically beside myself with frustration—that’s more like it.

The longer the delay, the more agitated I become, until I want to bang my head against a brick wall in frustration. It’s not pretty, let me tell you.

Most of these issues get resolved eventually, which sends my stress level down to a more manageable range. But this scenario—which happened again just a few weeks ago—reminds me of prayer, especially heartfelt, pressing pleas that seem to go unanswered.

Is God Even Listening?

You know what I’m talking about, right? Those requests that you faithfully take to God day after day and month after month, with no apparent result or even any indication that He is actually listening?

It’s not like you’re asking Him to do something beyond the realm of His control. He’s omnipotent, after all. He simply has to speak the word and whatever it is that you’re asking Him to do will happen.

But when He doesn’t—for reasons known only to Him—it gets to be a bit much after awhile, doesn’t it? Maybe even to the point where giving up—on praying or even on God Himself—might seem like the most logical course of action.

The best plan isn’t always the most logical one, of course. I can’t tell you how or why God does what He does, but when answers to pressing prayer needs are not forthcoming, the following four steps might help you move forward.

• Focus on God’s Character

Who God is does not change with our feelings or circumstances. So try to turn your attention away from the notion that your prayer isn’t being answered and center it directly on what you know to be true about God—His character, His sovereignty, His love for you.

You wouldn’t let a child you love experience something painful—something that was within your power to change—if you didn’t have a good reason for it, would you? Nor does our perfect and wise heavenly Father allow hard things to happen our lives if He doesn’t have a reason for them.

There is always purpose, even if we can’t see it.

• Look for Answers in Other Areas

Just recently, while devoting a lot of energy to praying for the trial that was most current and urgent, I started noticing some obvious answers about a few issues that I have quietly prayed about for years. It was almost a relief to see evidence of the fact that, while my heart was consumed with one situation, God had been working in others all along.

• Count Your Blessings

There’s nothing new about this one. But when you intentionally look for something—anything—that you are thankful for, you’re sure to find it.

Finding one blessing makes you notice another, until you gradually start seeing God’s touches everywhere. And if you record them in a journal or on your phone, you’ll have examples of His faithfulness at your fingertips when your faith starts to waver.

• Keep Praying

Resist the temptation to give God the silent treatment, even if it feels like He’s giving it to you. Keep the lines of communication open and the words flowing. And, as hard as it might be, don’t limit your conversation with him to that One Big Request.

Maybe the delay will make sense to you someday; maybe it never will. In either case, you can rest in the confidence that the One who holds the answer hears every prayer and loves you with an everlasting love.

♥ Lois

Who God is does not change with our feelings or circumstances. Share on X Resist the temptation to give God the silent treatment, even if it feels like He’s giving it to you. Keep the lines of communication open and the words flowing. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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1 Way to Discern Truth Amid all the Noise

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: When conflicting reports and ideas swirl around us with ever-increasing intensity, it’s easy to get confused, overwhelmed or discouraged. Here’s one way to respond. ~

Molly was little—still young enough to sleep in a crib and take afternoon naps.

Our sweet girl usually woke up from her siestas quietly. She’s always been resourceful and imaginative, so there’s really no telling what all she did when we thought she was sleeping. Knowing her like we do now, it’s safe to assume she spent a significant amount of time playing around in her bed before she ever let us know she wanted to get up.

One day, though, she got herself into a bit of a pickle. When we heard her cries and ran upstairs to see what was wrong, we found that one of her pudgy little legs was stuck between the slats in the crib.

Randy attempted to bend the slats apart. He wiggled Molly’s leg around. He slathered it with baby lotion and tried to slide it through the opening.

Nothing Worked

He finally concluded the only solution was to cut one of the slats. He went to the garage to fetch a saw and was on his way back to Molly’s room when Lilly, the ever-protective big sister, saw what he was doing.

Horrified, she grabbed on to his leg with as much of a death grip as her five-year-old body could muster.

“No, Daddy,” she shrieked. “Don’t cut her leg off!”

Randy had no intention of doing that, of course. From Lilly’s perspective, though, Molly was stuck in her crib, and Daddy had a saw.

What Else Was She to Think?

We laugh about this now, but it’s also a sobering reminder that things aren’t always as they seem. First impressions are often inaccurate. A lack of understanding can lead to assumptions that are flat-out wrong.

Even after a great deal of thought or careful research, the “right answer” still might not be obvious. Not every solution is a finger swipe away. Even when we’re confident in our intelligence, sensory abilities or investigative skills, we can miss things—sometimes very important things.

In these tumultuous days, when conflicting reports and ideas about practically everything swirl around us with ever-increasing intensity, it’s easy to get confused, overwhelmed, perhaps even depressed. Truth exists, of course. But amid all the noise and “expert” opinions, it’s sometimes hard to discern, especially when we lack all the facts or even the ability to fully understand the situation.

1 Simple Prayer

More and more, as I ponder my responses to situations far more serious than a pudgy leg stuck in a crib, I find myself whispering one simple prayer to our omniscient God:

“Send Your light and Your truth; let them lead me.” (Psalm 43:3)

Time after time, He is faithful to answer—if only with the quiet reassurance of His presence.

• • •

Have you ever found yourself in a spot similar to Lilly, where what seemed to be happening was not at all what was taking place? What did you learn from the experience? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

Things aren’t always as they seem. First impressions are often inaccurate. A lack of understanding can lead to assumptions that are flat-out wrong. Share on X Not every solution is a finger swipe away. Even when we’re confident in our intelligence, sensory abilities or investigative skills, we can miss things—sometimes very important things. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Sometimes, What Feels Like Meandering is Part of the Plan

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Experienced marketer Bethany McIlrath joins us to talk about life’s zigs and zags, God’s timing and what it’s like to promote her own book instead of the work of other authors. ~

I’m not sure when Bethany McIlrath and I first crossed paths online, but at some point in my earlier days of blogging, we became friends.

She’s a couple of decades younger than me, but she’s an old soul with a sincere faith and a heart for encouragement, which she demonstrated by faithfully showing up in the comment section.

Our friendship grew from there, and last year, we finally got to meet in person when I had a long layover at an airport near her home. She and her husband Matt live in the Charlotte, N.C., area, where she works in marketing at the Good Book Co.

She joins us today to talk about life’s zigs and zags, God’s timing and her new children’s book, Abigail and the Big Start Over.

• • •

LOIS: You may describe where you are, professionally, as your dream job, but it’s not necessarily where you ever expected to be. Briefly, can you tell us how you got to where you are?

BETHANY: Being brief in response to this question is tough! You’re right that I never expected to work in Christian publishing, but am very grateful to the Lord for the work I get to do.

I think it’s one of many examples in my life of me sort of accidentally receiving a good gift by God’s grace. In college, I started freelance copywriting professionally because it was a flexible way to earn a little money and I never seem to get tired of writing—or reading!

That work morphed into content writing, blogging, and eventually marketing work. In the meantime, I haphazardly wrote a few faith-related pieces which, to my surprise, other people read and connected with me over.

Some of those people invited me into Christian writing communities. There I found myself participating in book launch teams and learning more about publishing. I discovered The Good Book Company through one of those launch teams.

A few years later, I saw an advertisement for the job opening and applied. I’d been praying for a full-time opportunity to serve the Lord using my marketing experience—and wow did He provide!

LOIS: Isn’t it fun when we can look back at what may seem like a bunch of zigs and zags and see how God was moving us in a certain direction all along? What did you learn about waiting and God’s timing through all of that?

BETHANY: It’s amazing how God moves us along in a particular direction even as we feel like we’re meandering all over. That reminds me of one of my favorite verses, Proverbs 16:9: “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.”

Over the years, I’ve learned that waiting with God is never static. We might feel like nothing is happening, but He is working on our hearts and making a way forward too. By God’s grace, experiencing twists and turns and plenty of waiting has grown my trust in God that His ways and timing are perfect.

LOIS: Speaking of God’s timing, you are now a published children’s author! How did you come up with the idea for your Abigail series, and what do you hope readers will take away from this first story?

BETHANY: Years ago, I was listening to a few girls in Sunday School discuss problems they had at school. They referenced a favorite character from a secular book and what she did in such situations. I wondered if I could find a similar book, but with a character who realistically exemplified turning to Jesus for wisdom and help.

I couldn’t find one, so I played around with writing one, which turned into a few. My hope for readers of the first story, Abigail and the Big Start Over, is that they’ll find a fun, relatable, and faithful friend in the main character. I pray she’ll point them to Jesus as they grapple with grace, messiness and change in their own lives.

LOIS: Do you see yourself in Abigail at all? And what role does humor play in your life as a wife, marketing professional and believer?

BETHANY: The book isn’t at all autobiographical but Abigail carries some of my interests, quirks, questions, and yes—my sense of humor. Laughing plays a huge role in my life.

It’s good for the body and soul, good for relationships and resolving tensions and challenges, and good for gaining that last little oomph needed to endure hard things. I think humor is a gift from the Lord and one He often uses to help put things in perspective.

LOIS: It’s been wonderful to see Abigail shared in various places around the Internet, including on author Tim Challies’ blog in a post called “A Whole Batch of New Books for Kids.” As someone who works in marketing for a book publisher, you spend your days promoting other people’s work. But I’m guessing it’s a little different when you are the author sharing about your own book. What has that been like for you, and what are you learning from the process?

BETHANY: It is definitely different to be the author sharing, not just the marketing person behind the scenes. I had ample turmoil around being published, but God has graciously helped me through the fears to see this as a good gift and part of the good work He planned in advance for me to do (Ephesians 2:10).

I’ve spent years helping others through this and felt like quite a hypocrite when I didn’t heed the advice or assurances I’ve given others. But God.

God has changed so much in my heart through this process, especially through the words of friends (like you!) who have encouraged me in the truth when lies and fears kept pulling me back.

I think what I’ve learned most is that any work the Lord invites us into ultimately won’t be done individually. Even if much of it is carried out alone behind a screen!

LOIS: Thanks so much, Bethany! I can’t wait to see how the Lord continues to use you and your words.

• • •

If you appreciated Bethany’s thoughts as much as I do, drop her a line in the comment section. And if your children or grandchildren enjoy wholesome chapter books with fun illustrations, please check out Abigail and the Big Start Over.

♥ Lois

Over the years, I've learned that waiting with God is never static. We might feel like nothing is happening, but He is working on our hearts and making a way forward too. ~ Bethany McIlrath Share on X Laughing ... is good for the body and soul, good for relationships and resolving tensions and challenges, and good for gaining that last little oomph needed to endure hard things. ~ Bethany McIlrath Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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What Happens When We Trust God for the Next Step

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Plans are good and necessary. But when life throws us for a loop or we find ourselves in the middle of a stretching season, it helps to remember we are sailing under sealed orders. ~

My daughter Molly is planner. When she’s packing for a vacation, she makes multiple lists and checks them twice. She anticipates every eventuality. If the other members of the family forget something, we automatically turn to her because we know she probably has exactly what we need in her suitcase.

While I have never listed individual pairs of socks on a packing list, I can relate to Molly’s penchant for planning. I like charts and to-do lists. I like to be prepared, well in advance. I like to know what’s coming and what to expect.

This approach is helpful when it comes to getting ready for a big trip or some other expected life event. It certainly made life easier decades ago when we were assembling paperwork for our international adoptions, not to mention each time we went to China to get our daughters.

The Problem

That said, this way of doing things can easily morph into rigidity and inflexibility. We can get so used to having everything planned out that adjusting when those plans change suddenly is extremely stressful, maybe even impossible.

This was certainly true for me, until God accelerated His divine work of stretching in my life.

Helping my parents in the last years of their lives taught me what it means to drop and roll—to drop what I’m doing and roll with whatever needs to happen next, that is. It wasn’t easy, and I am still a work in progress. But I’m much more comfortable with not knowing what’s around the next corner, with taking things as they come.

A Naval Analogy

What happened during that season reminds me of a military practice I heard of once called “sailing under sealed orders.”

Before leaving port, the captain of a ship receives an envelope containing a specific set of latitude and longitude coordinates. The ship sails to this spot in the ocean, and then the captain radios the commander for the next set of coordinates. Neither he nor his crew has any idea where they are going. They simply follow orders from point to point until they reach their final destination.

Sound familiar? We might not be sailing Navy ships across a deep blue sea, but spiritually speaking, we’re definitely sailing under sealed orders. As much as we may like to plan the journey of our lives from start to finish—or at least from middle to old age—that job ultimately belongs to Someone else.

It’s true, what the Book of Proverbs says. “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps” (16:19). And, “We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall.” (16:33, NLT)

God is Faithful

Sailing under sealed orders is no longer military theory to me; it’s become real life. And what I’m learning, as I go from one set of coordinates to another, is that God is faithful.

He is infinitely trustworthy. He has a plan for each of us that is far more intricate and complex than our finite minds could ever comprehend.

Even when we think we’re acting in the best interests of others, our plans are sometimes self motivated and self serving. But God’s plans are perfect. If they were not, they would contradict His very character.

Every piece fits together. Every hurt, every pain, every delay and every setback has a place and a purpose.

God doesn’t require us to understand all this, as if that were even humanly possible. He simply asks that we trust Him for the next step.

♥ Lois

As much as we may like to plan the journey of our lives from start to finish—or at least from middle to old age—that job ultimately belongs to Someone else. Share on X God’s plans are perfect. If they were not, they would contradict His very character. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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One of the Best Ways We Can Love Our Loved Ones

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: When we care deeply for people, we can demonstrate that love by praying them through every season of their lives. Plus, we take a moment to commemorate a blogging milestone. ~

I’m all about celebrating big and small milestones—in my actual life as well as online. So before we get to the heart of today’s post, I thought I’d mention this is the 500th time I’ve hit “publish” here on the blog.

As someone who has mostly only posted once a week, it’s taken me a while to reach this number. And while I never had it as a goal, it’s fun to stop for a moment and give thanks.

For readers near and far, for a schedule that allows me time to do this, and especially for God’s grace that has sustained me and my family through the ups and downs that I’ve written about in many of those posts.

If you’ve been here for any length of time, you know prayer is a topic near and dear to my heart. As my daughters move further into young adulthood, I don’t see that changing much.

In fact, one of the most important ways I can love my family during this season of our lives is by praying for them.

That doesn’t just apply to me, of course. Prayer is a pivotal spiritual practice no matter who we are or what stage of life we may be in.

• • •

In waiting rooms and living rooms, bedrooms and examination rooms. In the garden, the shower, the pickup line, the checkout line.

Love prays.

Through windshield time, nap time, crunch time, white-knuckle time.

Love prays.

On vacation days, sick days, project bid days. On beautiful days, hard days, tired days,

Love prays.

With anguished cries and whispers of praise, with a gush of words or no words at all.

Love prays.

When tears are flowing and stomachs are churning. When thankfulness is flowing and happiness is growing. When hearts are pounding and pulses are racing.

Love prays.

When the road is long, when the path is smooth. When the diagnosis is clear, when the outcome is uncertain. When the surgery is successful, when the procedure fails.

Love prays.

For wisdom, for healing, for strength, for protection. For peace, for comfort, for understanding, for faith. For redemption, for conviction, for boldness, for patience.

Love prays.

For what’s good, for what’s better, for what’s best.

Love prays.

When the future shines bright, when eternity shines brighter.

Love prays.

In the face of fear, of rejection, of discouragement. On days of grace and hope and change.

Love prays.

When the answers are obvious, when there’s no end in sight.

Love prays.

Across the miles, across the street. In the dead of night, at the break of dawn. Over the years and minute by minute.

Love prays.

When it’s hard to let go, when it’s hard to hold on.

Love prays.

During testing hours and weeks of blessing. During moments of rejoicing and seasons of grief.

Love prays.

When there’s too much to do and nothing left to do.

Love prays.

♥ Lois

With anguished cries and whispers of praise, with a gush of words or no words at all ... love prays. Share on X When it’s hard to let go, when it’s hard to hold on ... love prays. Share on X When the future shines bright, when eternity shines brighter ... love prays. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Timeless Words of Wisdom about the Pace of Life

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: First we run, then we walk. It’s the normal course of life for most, and but it only starts to make sense when we reach middle age. ~

Don’t you just love it when someone offers a fresh perspective on a familiar scripture?

Take Isaiah 40:31, for example, the passage about waiting on the Lord and mounting up with wings like eagles.

Writing about this verse recently in a post called God is Not Going to Walk Away, author and book launch manager Kaitlyn Bouchillon homed in on the last two phrases: “They shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

“For years, the order confused me,” she wrote. “But after the last few years, I’m comforted by this truth: God is not disappointed in our pace.”

The Right Order

I never noticed the order—first running, then walking—before Kaitlyn pointed it out. Now that she has, though, all I can say is, OF COURSE!

When you’re in your 20s and 30s, perhaps full of energy and ambition, this doesn’t make sense. Who runs first and then walks?

When you’re deep into middle age, growing increasingly aware of your body’s limits and weaknesses, it makes a little more sense.

When you’ve witnessed your own previously energetic parents take their own walk home to glory, though, it makes complete and total sense.

The Way it Goes

It’s the normal course of life for many—those who have gone before us as well as those who will come after. We run, and then we walk, and then, perhaps, we lay down, and eventually, we die.

I’m not trying to be depressing; it’s the truth.

My dad used to say, and I’ve heard others say it too, that the most important thing an older person can do is keep moving. Exercise, in other words.

Dad was Right

When he was unable to walk on his ancient treadmill anymore, it was only a matter of time before his health declined dramatically.

Run, then walk. The fact that this is the order spelled out in the inspired Word of God is so comforting to me.

But that’s not all the truth scripture imparts about running, or about aging.

Another familiar passage, Hebrews 12:1-2, says this: “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (NKJV)

A Clear Connection

This is another one of my favorite scriptures, but until recently, I never saw its connection to Isaiah 40:31. Now, though, the tie-in seems clear.

If we’re to run the race set before us with endurance, we first must “lay aside every weight.” Or, as the NIV puts it, “throw off everything that hinders.”

This includes sin, of course, but I think everything encompasses anything that keeps us from running well. Unforgiveness. Unhealed hurts. Unmet expectations—of ourselves, others and perhaps even God.

Never Too Late

We must rid ourselves of these weights before we can run well. It’s not a stretch to say the earlier we start the healing process, the better it is. But it’s never too late. Never, ever, ever.

I believe that if someone is still breathing, there’s still hope. This applies to so many things, including dealing with the unresolved issues that weigh us down.

I know it’s hard. But we’re not just doing it for ourselves. Think of the example we could set for our sons and daughters if we pushed through to greater healing. Or the difference it might make in all our relationships, near and far.

Never Alone

There are some things we can’t undo, issues that our children may have to work through for themselves. In those cases, we can pray and trust that God will guide and lead them, just as He has led us.

But if we have the opportunity, perhaps we should ask God for the courage to deal with our baggage, whatever it entails. Then maybe we can throw off the weights and run, so we can walk home well later.

And remember, we’re not doing this alone.

As our heavenly Father gently reminds us in Isaiah 46:4, “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

♥ Lois

We must rid ourselves of these weights before we can run well. The earlier we start the healing process, the better it is. But it’s never too late. Never, ever, ever. Share on X Think of the example we could set for our sons and daughters if we pushed through to greater healing. Or the difference it might make in all our relationships, near and far. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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