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Lois Flowers

Share Four Somethings: October 2023

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside:  A blog anniversary, a sad-but-hopeful book, what to remember when the answer is no, and what I did with my funeral dress. ~

In the blur that was September, I completely missed my blog anniversary.

Nine years doesn’t come with all the bells and whistles of other milestone dates, but it can still be noteworthy. At times, remarkably so.

For example, in our ninth year of marriage, Randy and I adopted our first child. I could write an entire book’s worth of blog posts about how that event, along with the subsequent addition of daughter No. 2 three years later, changed our lives for good.

The ninth anniversary of this blog doesn’t come close to all that in terms of significance. But when something has been an important part of your life for that long, it’s still helpful to pause for a moment and reflect on it.

How We Got Here

Several years after entering the blogosphere with a space called “Waxing Gibbous,” I transitioned to a tagline of “Strength for Today • Hope for Tomorrow.” The change came the year after my parents died, when I was looking for ways to be more intentional about encouraging readers to persevere in their own lives and faith.

That remains my passion today. And I’m so grateful to all of you who have followed along, for however long you’ve been here.

By the way, if you visit occasionally from blog linkups or other places, I would love for you to subscribe so you don’t miss a thing. Look for the heading “Follow Blog Via Email” on the sidebar, enter your address and follow the instructions in the email you receive.

Now that we’ve looked back nine years, it’s time review the last several weeks with the latest installment of Share Four Somethings. Starting with …

• Something Loved

I love it when I have the opportunity to meet blogger friends in person. On our way to North Dakota in September, Randy and I stopped to say hi to Trudy Den Hoed, who has been a huge encouragement to me for many years. We initially met up with Trudy and her husband on an earlier trip north, and it was good to see them again.

Later in the month, I had the joy of meeting Natalie Ogbourne for the first time. I think I first connected with Natalie in my comment section, then later reached out to her on Instagram for some advice when my family and I were planning our first trip to Yellowstone National Park. (Her Instagram name is “Your Yellowstone Guide,” if that tells you anything about her knowledge and enthusiasm about this incredible place.)

I was traveling through her vicinity last month, and we got together in Pella, Iowa, for coffee and a lovely conversation. It’s always fun when you look down at your watch, realize you’ve been talking for 1 1/2 hours and wish it wasn’t time for you to get back on the road.

• Something Read

It’s been a while since I shared quotes from a book that was especially meaningful to me. This month, I have several from Hope Is the First Dose: A Treatment Plan for Recovering from Trauma, Tragedy, and Other Massive Things by Lee Warren.

Warren is a neurosurgeon and former combat surgeon in Iraq. He’s written about those facets of his life in other books, but in this one, he focuses primarily on the tragic loss of his nineteen-year-old son.  It’s a profoundly sad story, but I appreciated Warren’s insights about grief, loss and recovering from traumatic events. Here’s what he has to say about …

The importance of remembering:

“There’s a huge amount of power in memory: not in going back and looking at all the mistakes, all the fear and shame, but in remembering the fact that whatever you felt in times past, somehow God got you through it. He made it possible for you to survive it.”

What feelings can lead to:

“Feelings are not facts but rather neurochemical events that can be challenged,” Warren writes. “But left unchecked they reliably produce a set of thoughts and behaviors that we program into our muscle memory over time: When I feel this, I think that, eat this, drink that, buy this, do that, say this, call that person, blame this person, etc. Thoughts become things.”

Physical and emotional rehab, and deciding not to participate in our own demise:

“We must believe that the pain of moving forward will produce improvement and healing, while the slow failure of staying put will lead only to more, and eventually inescapable, agony.”

and

“We cannot wait to be pain-free before we decide to fight for life again, because life is never pain-free, and some things never stop hurting.”

• Something Learned

No is an answer.

I didn’t really learn this, but I was reminded of it.

Truth is, doors sometimes remain shut when we knock. If we are holding our desires loosely and trying to trust God with every outcome, the sting of no is tempered by the truth that He knows what is best for us.

In other words, if the answer we were hoping for didn’t come, it’s not part of His loving plan. No matter how disappointing it is in the moment.

• Something Shared

In a post called Grief Notes, my friend Linda wrote about losing eight loved ones in eight years, and what allowed her to “experience grace toward [herself] in the immensity of it all.”

Her words about how God has healed her heart prompted me to share a recent example of how I’ve seen that in my own life. Here’s what I wrote in my comment to her:

“Just last week, I pulled out the black dress I’ve only ever worn to my parents’ funerals to see if it would work for a fundraising banquet for a local crisis pregnancy center. It was perfect. No lingering sadness, just the thought that my parents would have supported the cause too if they were still here. Wearing the dress again felt like a kind of redemption, if that makes any sense.”

What I didn’t mention was that, while I happily wore the dress, I decided to donate my funeral shoes. They hurt my feet and I never really liked them anyway.

The moral of the story? As we heal from our grief, we get to decide what to bring with us into a more joyful future and what we’d rather let go of for good.

• • •

Now it’s your turn. Have you celebrated any significant “off-year” anniversaries in your life? Read any good books lately? Learned or relearned any lessons? Please share in the comments, or tell us a different way you’ve seen God working in your life lately.

♥ Lois

Sometimes doors remain shut when we knock. But when we hold our desires loosely, the sting of no is tempered by the truth that God knows what is best for us. Share on X As we heal from our grief, we get to decide what to bring with us into a more joyful future and what we’d rather let go of for good. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with sharefoursomethings, Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

Fall photo by Esther Ware.

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How to Pray When You Think God Has Let You Down

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: When God seems distant or doesn’t answer your prayers the way you hoped He would, don’t give Him the silent treatment. Try this instead. ~

I get distracted easily, and the only thing that keeps me focused when I’m praying is typing out my words.

I’ve been journaling my prayers for so long, it seems almost second nature to me. But I understand how it might be constricting or even intimidating for people who aren’t used to it or prefer to pray some other way.

Of course, when it comes to our struggles with prayer, sometimes the format isn’t the issue.

Maybe it’s the fact that—for whatever reason—God seems distant, aloof or uninterested in our lives. Perhaps we feel awkward talking to someone we can’t see. Maybe we can’t think of anything to say.

Maybe we trusted Him as hard as we could for some really big thing, and the outcome left us hurt, angry or disappointed.

Anyone?

I don’t think giving God the silent treatment is the answer, though.

What are we afraid of, I wonder? That He might hear us and do something we don’t like? That He might hear us and do nothing?

He will not do nothing—we can be sure of that. We may not see it now, but He is always working.

But don’t look to me and my ideas to bolster your faith. (Trust me—that won’t get you very far.) And don’t rely on myriad authors, pastors, bloggers and influencers who are trying to equip you or encourage you or help you feel like you’re not alone.

Instead …

Take it up with the Creator of the Universe and the Maker of your Soul.

Talk to Him—openly, honestly, without worrying about format or syntax.

Ask Him to open your eyes to the way He has been working in your life—all along, even in those most painful moments when you think He couldn’t possibly have been there.

He was there, after all

Whether you want to acknowledge it, or not. Whether you are emotionally able to acknowledge it, or not.

He was there, and He was loving you.

He still is, in fact. And He won’t ever stop.

Good Questions

We wonder why life is hard, why we’ve been so afflicted, why we struggle so mightily with things that others often can’t understand. Why won’t God just fix it? What’s the use is trying to live the Christian life when we just seem to get more of the same?

These are all good, human questions.

Perhaps what we should wonder, though, is where would we be had the hand of God not been on our lives. What have the prayers that others have lifted on our behalf—even in generations past—kept from us? What have they kept us from?

Where would we be if Jesus Christ were not, at this very moment, interceding on our behalf at the right hand of the Father?

It’s easy to look back and wonder where God was. But maybe, as we look back, it would be better if we tried to give thanks for all that we have surely been spared. Not to minimize our past trials or diminish our current pain, but to build our faith in the One who is guiding our future.

♥ Lois

Where would we be had the hand of God NOT been on our lives? Share on X Ask God to open your eyes to the way He has been working in your life—all along, even in those most painful moments when you think He couldn’t possibly have been there. Share on X

P.S. This is a revised version of a post that originally appeared here in May 2016. I’m linking up this week with Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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God Knows Why We’re Afraid and Promises to Help Us Through It

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: The presence of fear doesn’t equal a lack of faith. The Old Testament story of Joshua demonstrates this and helps us move forward when we are afraid. ~

Fear notI once asked my dad what I was like as a kid.

“You were always very fearful,” he said.

This bit of information was sad but not surprising, given my childhood propensity for worrying.

While my fretting ways followed me well into my 20s, the stranglehold worry once had on me is mostly a thing of the past. That said, fear still infiltrates my heart and mind from time to time—in frustrating and unproductive ways.

Fear Not

While in certain instances fear is good and helpful, it’s also part of the broken wiring we all have due to the fallen nature of humanity. God knows this, which might be why “fear not” is one of the most oft-stated instructions in the Bible.

But have you ever noticed that it’s not a command that comes with impending punishment if it’s not followed? Instead, it’s the reassuring statement of a loving heavenly Father, who also happens to be the sovereign God of the universe.

When He tells us not to be afraid, we can rest assured that we have no need to be afraid.

And yet so often we are—for reasons far and wide, real and imagined, logical and irrational

Even Warriors Are Afraid Sometimes

One of my favorite biblical personalities is Joshua, Moses’ assistant and eventual successor. One thing that has always intrigued me about his story is how often God reminded him not to be afraid (see Deuteronomy 31 and Joshua 1).

I can’t help but wonder why. Yes, the Israelites faced seemingly insurmountable challenges as they prepared to enter and conquer the Promised Land. Yes, Joshua was about to fill some enormous shoes.

But why was he, of all people, so afraid?

He had been with Moses for 40 years in the wilderness, after all. He’d witnessed the deliverance from Egypt, the parting of the Red Sea, the provision of water and manna. He’d gone up the mountain with Moses and experienced the glory of the Lord (see Exodus 24:13).

You’d think all that would be enough to bolster someone’s courage, wouldn’t you?

When Faith and Fear Coexist

Did God ever tell Moses not to be afraid? I don’t think so—not in so many words. Moses had his faults—a temper, for one—but fear didn’t appear to be a struggle for him. But Joshua was different.

Maybe it had something to do with his personality. He was a great warrior, a strong leader, a person who wasn’t afraid to stand alone. But perhaps Joshua also was the contemplative sort, someone who needed more divine encouragement than his confident mentor.

According to Exodus 33, all the people were invited to visit the tent of meeting and “consult with the Lord,” but only Moses and Joshua actually did this. The fact that Joshua “would not leave the inside of the tent” even after Moses left suggests that he valued his time in God’s presence and recognized the true source of his strength.

Certainly, his life demonstrates what I wrote about here—that fear and faith can coexist in the same person (no matter what the clichés say).

God’s Gentle Response

Only God knows why Joshua apparently struggled with fear. And I love this about God.

He didn’t berate Joshua for being scared, question his faith or interrogate him about how he could possibly be afraid after all he’d witnessed and experienced with Moses. He simply repeated truth that Joshua needed to know and told him not to be afraid.

That was all.

Fear is Not Our Boss

I’m a tiny bit like Joshua, I think. I love spending time in the tent of meeting. I gain strength and comfort from praising God. And, as I’ve already mentioned, I also struggle with feelings of fear at times.

But regardless of the source—an actual threat, imbalanced body chemicals, a lack of sleep, my own misperceptions, irrational thinking—these feelings are not the boss of me.  Or of you either.

Fear becomes a problem when it leads us to do something we shouldn’t do or keeps us from doing something we should do. When we fail to ask questions or speak truth to loved ones because we’re afraid of how they might respond. When we bury ourselves in our phones instead of exercising or meeting a new friend for coffee. When we don’t volunteer for something because we’ve never done it before, or because we think someone else can do it better. When we stay home from a church service that might encourage us spiritually because we don’t think we’ll know anyone or any number of other reasons.

When Fear Turns to Faith

Fear turns to faith when, despite our feelings, we take a deep breath and open our mouths to speak. We put down our devices. We fill out those volunteer forms. We put smiles on our faces and walk into that crowded room. 

No matter what fear—real or imagined—assails, God’s loving promise for Joshua is also true for us today: “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deut. 31:8).

♥ Lois

When God tells us not to be afraid, we can rest assured that we have no need to be afraid. Share on X Fear Not is the reassuring statement of a loving heavenly Father who also happens to be the sovereign God of the universe. Share on X

P.S. This is a revised version of a post that originally appeared here in May 2016. I’m linking up this week with Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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God Doesn’t Need Our Advice But He Welcomes Our Prayers

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: God doesn’t need our help to run the universe or work in our loved ones’ lives, but He still wants us to bring our cares and concerns to Him in prayer. ~

Last week, I shared a guest post on my friend Jeanne Takenaka’s blog about one of my favorite spiritual activities: praying for my children.

When you write about prayer, it’s a good idea to do so with a good deal of humility. I mean, I’ve only been a mom for 21 years, so I’m far from an expert on the topic. There are many mothers out there who have been praying for their children much longer than I have, and I have much to learn from them—online and especially in person.

I also pray for people who are not my daughters, of course. I’m nowhere near an authority on praying for them either. I recognize this, quite acutely at times.

Nighttime Epiphany

Not long after my guest post was published, I was praying for someone in the middle of the night when sleep was elusive. I was telling God what this person needed, what I would like for them to experience, that sort of thing.

As I went on, I was suddenly stopped by the thought that I was telling God what to do—what needed to be done, in fact—as if He didn’t already know. As if He would hear my prayer and get new information that would cause Him to act differently in this person’s life.

Ludicrous, I know.

If God needs my help and suggestions to run any part of the universe, He’s not sovereign. And if He’s not sovereign, there’s real no point in praying, right?

But Wait …

The thing is, I believe God is sovereign and that His will is perfect. I believe the Apostle Paul when he says “all things work together for the good of those who love God.” (Romans 8:28) I don’t know how this works in real life, but I do believe it.

I also believe the Bible when it says, “The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” (James 5:16) So what actually transpires when we pray?

Is the purpose of prayer to tell God what to do, or to relinquish our cares and concerns to Him?

Is it to explain—in great detail—the outcomes we’d like to see, or to praise Him for who He is and what He is capable of doing, whether or not He chooses to do it now?

A Few Thoughts

I realize entire libraries of books have been written about prayer over the centuries, so let me just say this.

God knows our loved ones better than we do. Unlike us, He loves them unconditionally.

If they are believers, He is working in their lives and will continue to do so their entire lives. We can trust Him to work in their hearts, and also in ours.

We never know the complete story about anyone, even those to whom we are closest. Our job is not to be the Holy Spirit to them or serve as a consultant to God about them. Rather, it’s to pray for their salvation, their deliverance, their protection, their future.

Casting Our Cares

The scriptures talk about casting our every care on Him. (1 Peter 5:7) It’s OK to share specific thoughts with God—as long as we remember the results are out of our control and that God often works in ways that look nothing like what we might imagine or desire.

At the same time, we don’t have to fear praying the wrong thing for our loved ones, because if we ask God for something that doesn’t fit into His will for them, we can trust that His plan will prevail.

That’s why it’s often helpful to close out our prayers with some variation of, “Thy will be done.”

What If We Still Don’t Know?

But how should we pray if we honestly don’t know what to pray for? I don’t know all the answers to that question, but I can give you a suggestion my sister recently shared with me: to focus on Elohim, or God as Creator, in our prayers.

In her book Praying the Names of God, author Ann Spangler writes, “This ancient name for God contains the idea of God’s creative power as well as his authority and sovereignty.”

From the foundation of the world in Genesis to the future day described in the Book of Revelation when He wipes every tear from every eye, Elohim is always doing a new thing. As Mighty Creator, this is what He does.

And it’s not just on a grand scale, although He certainly works in that way. As my sister pointed out to me, “The creative aspect of God’s character extends to every single detail of our lives.”

So when we find that we don’t know what to pray for ourselves or our loved ones, we can pray this: that God will do a new thing in our lives. Even in the situations that seem hopeless to us—a relationship, a deep grief, a need for provision, a troublesome emotion or an illness.

He knows what that new thing should be, and also how to achieve it. We can rest in that, no matter what.

♥ Lois

We never know the complete story about anyone, even those to whom we are closest. Our job is not to be the Holy Spirit to them or serve as a consultant to God about them. Share on X We don’t have to fear praying the wrong thing for our loved ones, because if we ask God for something that doesn’t fit into His will for them, we can trust that His plan will prevail. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Share Four Somethings: September 2023

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: What the empty nest has been like so far, a friend’s devotional series on Psalm 121, learning to provide my own tech support, and the joy of helping a loved one mark items off her to-do list. ~

Before my daughters left for college, I asked each of them for a list of their favorite meals and desserts.

I knew it would be a while before they’d have home cooking again, so I thought I’d fill them up one last time with butter chicken, cilantro lime rice, flourless chocolate cake and other frequently requested dishes. (Granted, one is far less interested in what she eats than the other, but a semester of cafeteria food might change even her mind about home cooking.)

Lilly’s been in Spain for about a month now, and Molly’s been gone a few weeks longer than that. At first, I kept expecting them to come downstairs around the time they’d normally to go to work. I’d check the clock in the afternoon or evening, wondering if they were on their way home yet.

It was disconcerting, to say the least.

It Might Sound Odd, But …

By now I’m largely used to their absence. While I miss them, it’s been oddly helpful to remember that they’re just away from home, not gone forever.

Maybe I feel this way because I’m missing my parents even more now. I wish I could share with them all that my daughters are seeing, doing and experiencing. But I can’t tell my mom and dad anything—not one single thing.

I can still talk to the girls, however. They’re not here in person, but we’re connected—almost more than before.

Thanks to WhatsApp, FaceTime, iMessages and even Google Docs, we can see each other as we talk, send each other voice and text messages, and edit writing assignments at the same time.

Living Their Best Lives

There may be days when they want to chuck everything and come home. For now, though, they seem to be living their best lives.

They’re making friends. Working through the challenges of flight delays, missing luggage and Covid at college. Stretching and growing academically. Visiting (in Lilly’s case) one amazing architectural wonder after another.

It all makes my mama heart happy, even on the days when I long for an in-person conversation or wish I could envelop them both in a big hug.

We’ll be able to do that before we know it, though, because it’s already the end of September. Which here at the blog means it’s time to link up with Jennifer for another Share Four Somethings. Starting with …

• Something Loved

Randy and I went to North Dakota earlier this month to visit his mom. While we were there, we helped her with some projects that had been on her to-do list for a while.

Randy installed 10 new LED lights in her garage, brightening up the place considerably. I weeded and mulched a couple of flowerbeds that were full of Bermuda grass and other weeds.

I enjoy this kind of work, especially when I know Randy is busy in the nearby garage and I can see my mother-in-law across the yard as she harvests tomatoes and rhubarb.

I wish I had taken before and after pictures, because it was quite a transformation. But even without photos, I love knowing a few gardening projects are done and, hopefully, will remain free of weeds until I can return and touch them up in the spring.

• Something Read

I memorized Psalm 121 as a kid in Sunday school. It’s helped me through some hard times and remains a favorite scripture to this day. So when my good friend Bethany asked if I would contribute a prayer to her 30-day devotional series on this psalm, I said yes immediately.

Bethany introduced the “I’m Tired, Lord” series like this:

Tired minds tend to go in loops. You start with one thought, get lost on the way to the next, and come back to where you started. 

Each day for the next 30 days, I’ll post a series of short devotions that are meant to help your tired thought loop come back again and again to God’s compassionate and consistent care for you.

In Him, you’ll find what you need. Even if you can’t sleep. Even if you really need sleep or just a nice long vacation. Even if you’ve slept, but struggle to get real rest.

The entire series is wonderful, and you can find it here, on Bethany’s blog. My prayer is the post for Day 22.

• Something Learned

When Molly went to college, I lost my primary source of in-person tech support. As a result, when I discovered the contact page here on the blog had disappeared somehow, I didn’t know what to do.

I also was launching my Help for Parent Loss resource page, and I was having trouble making that show up where it was supposed to be.

Fortunately for me,“There’s nothing new under the sun” applies to website issues.

Chances are pretty good that someone out there has had the same problem and has either written a blog post or made a video about it. In fact, I’ve found the best way to get help for this kind of thing is to ask Google, rather than using the “help” feature of whatever program or app I’m using.

By asking a few straightforward questions and following some easy directions, I was able to redo my contact page and launch Help for Parent Loss without losing anything or crashing my website. Turns out, you can teach a middle-aged lady a new trick every now and then.

• Something Ahead

I’m in Wisconsin this week, spending time with my sister and aunt. It’s been a busy month, travel-wise, which doesn’t leave much time for focused writing.

Happily, October’s schedule is wide open. I’m looking forward to writing every day—hopefully completing another batch of half-written blog posts, making one more round of edits on my parent loss book project, and keeping up with curating content for the Remembering Our Parents Instagram community.

Speaking of Remembering Our Parents, if you’ve lost your mom or dad (or both), I’d love for you to check it out here. The reader stories we’ve posted so far have been absolutely wonderful, and we would welcome yours too.

• • •

Now it’s your turn. Has September been as busy for you as it has been for me? What have you been loving, reading or learning this month? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

Turns out, you can teach a middle-aged lady a new trick every now and then. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with sharefoursomethings, Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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A Hope-filled Message for the Tired, Worn and Overwhelmed

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Are your heart, mind and body worn down from a hard season that seems like it will never end? I’ve been there, and I have some hope-filled words just for you. ~

Hey there, you with the pinched brow and tired eyes.

It’s been a tough season, hasn’t it? I don’t know your specifics, but the effect those circumstances are having on your heart, body and mind? I think I can make some experience-informed guesses about that, and here’s what I want to say about it.

Don’t equate how you feel today with your worth, your usefulness, your attractiveness or your future fruit-bearing potential.

Perception is Not Reality

Contrary to what seems very real right now, you are not your feelings. You are not your season. You are not your trial.

Yes, you might consumed by it, tired of it, confused by it, frustrated with it, overwhelmed by it, possibly even angry at it. That’s the blunt, current truth.

But let me also tell you this. It will not always be the way it is right now.

Changing Perspectives

It may seem to you (and your loved ones) that your hard thing is all you ever talk about—all you ever think about—and maybe you are right. A day will come, though, when that is not the case.

Your circumstances may not change, but your perspective will. Ask anyone who has suffered great loss. The pain, the sadness and the scars may never fade completely, but life does go on.

Other parts start to fill in. The joy comes back, even.

What Happens Next

Then along comes another trial, maybe even harder than the last. The coping muscles that you developed last time will help some, but you will grow more—perhaps in places you didn’t even know strength could exist.

This process—let’s call it the circle of faith—is spelled out in Romans 5:3-4: “Affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope.”

God is still in the business of redemption, my friend, and your life is not exempt from His promises.

♥ Lois

Don’t equate how you feel today with your worth, your usefulness, your attractiveness or your future fruit-bearing potential. Share on X God is still in the business of redemption, my friend, and your life is not exempt from His promises. Share on X

P.S. This post is adapted from a piece originally published in September 2017. I’m linking up this week with One Word 2023, Inspire Me Monday, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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