Author

Lois Flowers

What Happens When We Trust God for the Next Step

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Plans are good and necessary. But when life throws us for a loop or we find ourselves in the middle of a stretching season, it helps to remember we are sailing under sealed orders. ~

My daughter Molly is planner. When she’s packing for a vacation, she makes multiple lists and checks them twice. She anticipates every eventuality. If the other members of the family forget something, we automatically turn to her because we know she probably has exactly what we need in her suitcase.

While I have never listed individual pairs of socks on a packing list, I can relate to Molly’s penchant for planning. I like charts and to-do lists. I like to be prepared, well in advance. I like to know what’s coming and what to expect.

This approach is helpful when it comes to getting ready for a big trip or some other expected life event. It certainly made life easier decades ago when we were assembling paperwork for our international adoptions, not to mention each time we went to China to get our daughters.

The Problem

That said, this way of doing things can easily morph into rigidity and inflexibility. We can get so used to having everything planned out that adjusting when those plans change suddenly is extremely stressful, maybe even impossible.

This was certainly true for me, until God accelerated His divine work of stretching in my life.

Helping my parents in the last years of their lives taught me what it means to drop and roll—to drop what I’m doing and roll with whatever needs to happen next, that is. It wasn’t easy, and I am still a work in progress. But I’m much more comfortable with not knowing what’s around the next corner, with taking things as they come.

A Naval Analogy

What happened during that season reminds me of a military practice I heard of once called “sailing under sealed orders.”

Before leaving port, the captain of a ship receives an envelope containing a specific set of latitude and longitude coordinates. The ship sails to this spot in the ocean, and then the captain radios the commander for the next set of coordinates. Neither he nor his crew has any idea where they are going. They simply follow orders from point to point until they reach their final destination.

Sound familiar? We might not be sailing Navy ships across a deep blue sea, but spiritually speaking, we’re definitely sailing under sealed orders. As much as we may like to plan the journey of our lives from start to finish—or at least from middle to old age—that job ultimately belongs to Someone else.

It’s true, what the Book of Proverbs says. “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps” (16:19). And, “We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall.” (16:33, NLT)

God is Faithful

Sailing under sealed orders is no longer military theory to me; it’s become real life. And what I’m learning, as I go from one set of coordinates to another, is that God is faithful.

He is infinitely trustworthy. He has a plan for each of us that is far more intricate and complex than our finite minds could ever comprehend.

Even when we think we’re acting in the best interests of others, our plans are sometimes self motivated and self serving. But God’s plans are perfect. If they were not, they would contradict His very character.

Every piece fits together. Every hurt, every pain, every delay and every setback has a place and a purpose.

God doesn’t require us to understand all this, as if that were even humanly possible. He simply asks that we trust Him for the next step.

♥ Lois

As much as we may like to plan the journey of our lives from start to finish—or at least from middle to old age—that job ultimately belongs to Someone else. Share on X God’s plans are perfect. If they were not, they would contradict His very character. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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One of the Best Ways We Can Love Our Loved Ones

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: When we care deeply for people, we can demonstrate that love by praying them through every season of their lives. Plus, we take a moment to commemorate a blogging milestone. ~

I’m all about celebrating big and small milestones—in my actual life as well as online. So before we get to the heart of today’s post, I thought I’d mention this is the 500th time I’ve hit “publish” here on the blog.

As someone who has mostly only posted once a week, it’s taken me a while to reach this number. And while I never had it as a goal, it’s fun to stop for a moment and give thanks.

For readers near and far, for a schedule that allows me time to do this, and especially for God’s grace that has sustained me and my family through the ups and downs that I’ve written about in many of those posts.

If you’ve been here for any length of time, you know prayer is a topic near and dear to my heart. As my daughters move further into young adulthood, I don’t see that changing much.

In fact, one of the most important ways I can love my family during this season of our lives is by praying for them.

That doesn’t just apply to me, of course. Prayer is a pivotal spiritual practice no matter who we are or what stage of life we may be in.

• • •

In waiting rooms and living rooms, bedrooms and examination rooms. In the garden, the shower, the pickup line, the checkout line.

Love prays.

Through windshield time, nap time, crunch time, white-knuckle time.

Love prays.

On vacation days, sick days, project bid days. On beautiful days, hard days, tired days,

Love prays.

With anguished cries and whispers of praise, with a gush of words or no words at all.

Love prays.

When tears are flowing and stomachs are churning. When thankfulness is flowing and happiness is growing. When hearts are pounding and pulses are racing.

Love prays.

When the road is long, when the path is smooth. When the diagnosis is clear, when the outcome is uncertain. When the surgery is successful, when the procedure fails.

Love prays.

For wisdom, for healing, for strength, for protection. For peace, for comfort, for understanding, for faith. For redemption, for conviction, for boldness, for patience.

Love prays.

For what’s good, for what’s better, for what’s best.

Love prays.

When the future shines bright, when eternity shines brighter.

Love prays.

In the face of fear, of rejection, of discouragement. On days of grace and hope and change.

Love prays.

When the answers are obvious, when there’s no end in sight.

Love prays.

Across the miles, across the street. In the dead of night, at the break of dawn. Over the years and minute by minute.

Love prays.

When it’s hard to let go, when it’s hard to hold on.

Love prays.

During testing hours and weeks of blessing. During moments of rejoicing and seasons of grief.

Love prays.

When there’s too much to do and nothing left to do.

Love prays.

♥ Lois

With anguished cries and whispers of praise, with a gush of words or no words at all ... love prays. Share on X When it’s hard to let go, when it’s hard to hold on ... love prays. Share on X When the future shines bright, when eternity shines brighter ... love prays. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Timeless Words of Wisdom about the Pace of Life

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: First we run, then we walk. It’s the normal course of life for most, and but it only starts to make sense when we reach middle age. ~

Don’t you just love it when someone offers a fresh perspective on a familiar scripture?

Take Isaiah 40:31, for example, the passage about waiting on the Lord and mounting up with wings like eagles.

Writing about this verse recently in a post called God is Not Going to Walk Away, author and book launch manager Kaitlyn Bouchillon homed in on the last two phrases: “They shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

“For years, the order confused me,” she wrote. “But after the last few years, I’m comforted by this truth: God is not disappointed in our pace.”

The Right Order

I never noticed the order—first running, then walking—before Kaitlyn pointed it out. Now that she has, though, all I can say is, OF COURSE!

When you’re in your 20s and 30s, perhaps full of energy and ambition, this doesn’t make sense. Who runs first and then walks?

When you’re deep into middle age, growing increasingly aware of your body’s limits and weaknesses, it makes a little more sense.

When you’ve witnessed your own previously energetic parents take their own walk home to glory, though, it makes complete and total sense.

The Way it Goes

It’s the normal course of life for many—those who have gone before us as well as those who will come after. We run, and then we walk, and then, perhaps, we lay down, and eventually, we die.

I’m not trying to be depressing; it’s the truth.

My dad used to say, and I’ve heard others say it too, that the most important thing an older person can do is keep moving. Exercise, in other words.

Dad was Right

When he was unable to walk on his ancient treadmill anymore, it was only a matter of time before his health declined dramatically.

Run, then walk. The fact that this is the order spelled out in the inspired Word of God is so comforting to me.

But that’s not all the truth scripture imparts about running, or about aging.

Another familiar passage, Hebrews 12:1-2, says this: “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (NKJV)

A Clear Connection

This is another one of my favorite scriptures, but until recently, I never saw its connection to Isaiah 40:31. Now, though, the tie-in seems clear.

If we’re to run the race set before us with endurance, we first must “lay aside every weight.” Or, as the NIV puts it, “throw off everything that hinders.”

This includes sin, of course, but I think everything encompasses anything that keeps us from running well. Unforgiveness. Unhealed hurts. Unmet expectations—of ourselves, others and perhaps even God.

Never Too Late

We must rid ourselves of these weights before we can run well. It’s not a stretch to say the earlier we start the healing process, the better it is. But it’s never too late. Never, ever, ever.

I believe that if someone is still breathing, there’s still hope. This applies to so many things, including dealing with the unresolved issues that weigh us down.

I know it’s hard. But we’re not just doing it for ourselves. Think of the example we could set for our sons and daughters if we pushed through to greater healing. Or the difference it might make in all our relationships, near and far.

Never Alone

There are some things we can’t undo, issues that our children may have to work through for themselves. In those cases, we can pray and trust that God will guide and lead them, just as He has led us.

But if we have the opportunity, perhaps we should ask God for the courage to deal with our baggage, whatever it entails. Then maybe we can throw off the weights and run, so we can walk home well later.

And remember, we’re not doing this alone.

As our heavenly Father gently reminds us in Isaiah 46:4, “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

♥ Lois

We must rid ourselves of these weights before we can run well. The earlier we start the healing process, the better it is. But it’s never too late. Never, ever, ever. Share on X Think of the example we could set for our sons and daughters if we pushed through to greater healing. Or the difference it might make in all our relationships, near and far. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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A Simple Acknowledgement that Men Grieve Too

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: As Father’s Day approaches, let’s not ignore the grief that’s never mentioned in greeting cards featuring beer, fishing and dad jokes but is all-too-present for many men. ~

Women aren’t the only ones who grieve.

It seems obvious, but sometimes, I think the world forgets. Not just the world at large, but the Christian culture as well.

I don’t know why this is, exactly. But that’s not the point of this post.

A Kind Remembrance

Last year, I learned the Sunday before Mother’s Day is designated International Bereaved Mother’s Day. My church offers a special prayer on this day for women who long to be moms or who have lost children, either before they were born or after.

As someone who fell into the former category for many years, I thought my church’s prayer was a compassionate, sensitive gesture. But it also made me wonder whether there is a similar commemoration for men.

Turns out, there is. But International Bereaved Father’s Day isn’t the week before Father’s Day, as you might expect. It’s the last Sunday in August.

A Day for Men too

Here’s how the International Days website describes it:

“While Father’s Day in June is celebratory, this observance recognizes all the dads who have experienced the grief and trauma caused by the death of their baby or child. It serves as a day of remembrance, hope, healing, and a time to deal with the enormous pain associated with such a loss. In addition, it calls out any stigma against fathers in general as they sometimes grieve differently from their partners.”

Interestingly, while the day for bereaved mothers includes women suffering from infertility, the day for fathers does not. I understand women are the ones who conceive and carry babies, but this struggle is difficult for men who long to be fathers too.

Odd Timing

I also wonder at the timing of the day for men—it seems there’s a good chance it might get overlooked among all the back-to-school and end-of-summer activities, not to mention all those Labor Day barbecues that home-improvement store ads assume men love so much.

Do most men even care about such days of remembrance? My guess is probably not. But their grief is still deep, important and worth recognizing.

Seasons of Grief

I’ve known many wonderful men throughout my life, including my dad, husband and father-in-law, as well as three brothers and two brothers-in-law.

Each of them has gone through seasons of grief relating to all sorts of loss, and, I’m guessing, each one has responded in his own unique way. Some may be more prone to cry or to process through writing or tinkering in the garage or talking it out with a trusted listener.

I’m also thinking of husbands of friends who have suffered greatly, along with their wives, when a child died, strayed in one way or another, or even cut off ties to the family. Moms may be more vocal (though not always) about these losses, but dads feel them too.

Often very profoundly.

A Simple Acknowledgement

At this point in a blog post, I usually try to include some bits of encouragement or practical takeaways. This time, as Father’s Day approaches, I simply want to acknowledge the grief that’s never mentioned in greeting cards featuring beer, fishing and dad jokes but is all-too-present for many men.

While men aren’t the primary audience for this blog, if you know a man who might appreciate this post, feel free to forward it to him. And if you’re a man or a woman for whom Father’s Day brings up grief or pain, always remember that God is “close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

On difficult holidays as well as every other day of the year.

♥ Lois

As Father’s Day approaches, I want to acknowledge the grief that’s never mentioned in greeting cards featuring beer, fishing and dad jokes but is all-too-present for many men. Share on X If Father’s Day brings up grief or pain for you, always remember that God is 'close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.' (Psalm 34:18) Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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When We Can Look Back and See Growth or Healing

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Sickness led to soul-searching, then a comment from a friend helped me reaffirm my “why” and continues to provide encouragement for all of us today. ~

One thing I learned from having Covid twice in one year is that, for me, the recovery phase is often just as emotional as it is physical.

The first time, I was anticipating my younger daughter’s graduation from high school, and my sickness-induced gloomy thoughts went down a rabbit hole of second-guessing some key aspects of my motherhood journey.

The second time (nine months later), my words went away and I started wondering if my blogging days were over.

Autopilot

Both times I remembered my dad’s advice for when you find yourself in the middle of an uncharacteristic struggle—to put yourself on autopilot and know that you will feel better eventually.

I did feel better eventually. But the period of soul-searching went on for a bit longer.

Why am I writing? I asked myself (and God). Am I even supposed to keep this up?

Still Writing

Since I’m still hitting “publish” regularly, you’re safe to assume that I didn’t get a definite “let it go” from the still small Voice. What I did get, though, was the sense that I need to hold my blog loosely in case God ever does impress upon my heart the need to give it up.

And also, that I need to evaluate the “why” behind every post I write.

I get the irony here. This post may seem like a call for you to tell me to keep writing, and if I had written it several months ago, that’s exactly what it would have been. Now, though, I see it as a discussion about motivation.

Motivation Matters

A key learning from last year was that if I set out to write something because I’m feeling insecure, I’d be better off scheduling coffee with an in-person friend instead.

As I shared here, “My motivation behind my writing must be to encourage, not to elicit sympathy or affirmation.”

That post prompted my blogger friend Linda to share some helpful insights in the comment section.

“I’m thinking this is a constant conversation many of us have with ourselves, often unconsciously,” she wrote. “How much do we share, how transparent should we be, is this our story to tell, and why are we going there in the first place.

“Only God can give us those deepest words of affirmation and comfort that others can never (and shouldn’t have to) give us,” Linda continued. “And as He does, our draining/empty wells begin to fill to overflowing and we’re freed up to focus on those around us.”

Writing Through It

I’ve seen what Linda describes happen in my own life; perhaps you have too.

I used to blog quite a bit about my daughters and various aspects of parenting. Later, as I moved through the loss of my parents—I wrote heavily about that, and about trusting God through hard times.

Five years into what you might call my “grief journey,” I’m feeling much more like myself again. A more grownup version of myself, if that makes any sense.

I see no need to have all the answers even as I’m more confident in what I have learned—through experience and God’s work in my life—about what I believe and the hope that I have.

A Work in Progress

As the clouds part in my soul and the weights lift off my heart, I’m also feeling the urge to listen, to ask questions, to share the stories other people are living. (This is partly why I’ve added an interview Q&A feature to the blog, and also why I decided to start Remembering Our Parents on Instagram.)

Whether it has to do with healing from loss or some kind of spiritual growth, isn’t it encouraging to notice some kind of forward motion? When we can look back and see we are not how we once were in some way? When we deal with a situation we’ve faced before and observe that we responded better this time?

I call these realizations progress reports from God. And I don’t know about you, but I think they’re worth celebrating.

God is Sufficient

Never in a prideful way, because we all have so much further to go. But in a way that acknowledges God’s ongoing activity in our lives, that He is keeping His promise of completing the good work He has begun in each one of us.

As our empty wells begin to fill up again, it turns out we have more to give others. Adding to Linda’s train of thought, when we understand God alone is sufficient to meet the needs we still have, we’re able to turn our eyes outward, which—in some mysterious way—continues the healing process within our own hearts.

I hope this encourages you today, whether you are getting over Covid, moving through grief, waiting for some kind of answer or simply dealing with the regular stuff of life in our groaning world.

♥ Lois

Whether it has to do with healing from loss or some kind of spiritual growth, isn’t it encouraging to notice some kind of forward motion? Share on X As our empty wells begin to fill up again, it turns out we have more to give others. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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Five Years Later: Thoughts about Dad, Peonies and Unanswered Blog Comments

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: In honor of my dad’s birthday, I’ve written about his favorite flowers, funeral slide shows, the heaviness of grief, kind friends and where my heart is now. ~

I was at Wal-Mart recently, headed toward the insect repellant, when Bob Seger’s “Like a Rock” came on the instore music system. I don’t recall ever hearing the song before one of my brothers chose it as part of the accompaniment for the slide show at my dad’s funeral.

That presentation was 45 minutes long—the longest the funeral home had ever done. I guess that’s to be expected when a person has seven children who had just buried their mom less than two months earlier.

Maybe the slide show was so long because it was our last chance to honor our parents in this way. We had to get as many photographic memories on that screen as we possibly could.

That day in Wal-Mart, I stood in front of the bug spray, listened to Bob Seger and thought about how my dad was a rock in my life—the one person who always made me feel better simply by being in his presence.

I miss him so much.

Ebb and Flow of Life

My dad’s birthday was May 28. He died on May 29, five years ago.

The peonies were especially beautiful during his last few weeks. Fitting, since they were his favorite flower.

I’m not sure I’ve seen such a display since then. Not this year, that’s for sure. A few of my plants—descendants from the peonies in the yard of my childhood home—didn’t even bloom at all.

They’re too shaded now, and probably also suffering from several years of less-than-normal rainfall.

The peonies’ recent performance makes me sad, but it also reminds me of the ebb and flow of life.

I’m certain mine would do better if I moved them, watered them, fertilized them. At this point, though, I’m not sure I have the energy for that. Instead, I’m turning my sights toward more drought-tolerant perennials—sedum, to be exact.

Three new varieties now grace my front flower bed. I have high hopes for them but, as Dad would often say, I guess we’ll see.

Words with Staying Power

I wrote about the peonies in a blog post I published five years ago today. I don’t recall writing many of the posts I shared during that intense time, but I do remember that one.

I scratched it out on a piece of paper on the way home from Iowa, where several of my siblings and parts of our families traveled to see my nephew graduate from high school.

I read it now and marvel at how I was able to string those words together, words that evoke the same feeling I get when I see my parents’ headstone. Both post and stone remind me of the saddest, hardest season of my life so far, and yet both are exactly right.

Ever since I started blogging almost 10 years ago, I’ve tried to answer every blog comment. I’ve broken plenty of other blogging rules, but this is one I’ve mostly followed.

That week, I didn’t respond to a single comment. Those precious unanswered words are still there, though, and when I read them recently, they touched my heart deeply.

It was a heavy time around here, for months on end. And yet, many of you stuck with me. I’m so grateful for that, for your prayers and encouraging words.

The grief has softened, as my GriefShare facilitator promised it would. I still remember, though. And my heart remains with others who have taken the journey before me, are on it now, or expect to be there soon.

♥ Lois

The slide show at my dad's funeral was 45 minutes long. I guess that’s to be expected when a person has seven children who had just buried their mom less than two months earlier. Share on X The grief of losing my parents has softened, but I still remember. And my heart remains with others who have taken a similar journey before me, are on it now, or expect to be there soon. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

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