Is it Time for Stuffing Season to End?

It’s that time of year, when the French-fried onions, jellied cranberries and Stovetop stuffing spill out of the regular aisles onto the end caps and center displays at the grocery store.

I know it’s all leading up to Thanksgiving, but when I’m at the store, I prefer to think of it as stuffing season.

Most of us look forward to the warmth and food of the holidays, even in 2020 when our gatherings might look a bit different than in times past. There’s another kind of stuffing season, though, one that perhaps you’ve gone through as well as me.

During the last months of my parents’ lives—when they were both in the nursing home and I was managing all the things for them—I was literally running from place to place at times. On any given day, my list of destinations could include the grocery store, hospital, nursing home, bank, lawyer’s office, band concerts, swim meets and who knows where else.

Somehow, I managed to get everything done that needed to be done, but there wasn’t much time left to spend on household organization. I’d come home from the grocery store and stuff everything in the cupboards and refrigerator so I could then grab lunch and rush off to visit my mom and dad.

When I got the mail, I’d stuff our own bills in one file and my parents’ mail, which was being forwarded to my house, in the middle drawer of my kitchen desk, along with my dad’s wallet, checkbook and other personal effects. When I got around to paying their medical or utility bills, I’d dig past all that to find the checkbook, write out the checks and stuff it back in the drawer.

I’ve never been an emotional stuffer. I’ve usually been able to talk things out with my husband or friends, or process through prayer or writing. During this season, though, literal stuffing became a survival mode.

I knew it wouldn’t last forever. I knew that some day, I’d get things organized again. What I didn’t know, though, was how long it would take.

After my family planned two funerals in two months (see here and here), I was still busy with selling my parents’ house and settling the estate. Somewhere along the way, I added GriefShare and individual counseling sessions to my to-do list.

Lilly started her senior year, Molly entered high school and it seemed that I was easing into some kind of new normal.

Then we decided to remodel our kitchen, and any idea I had of getting organized was put on hold while we navigated all of that for the next few months.

Late last winter, after the last piece of tile was laid and the final bit of trim nailed in place, I happened to open up the secretary desk in the dining room. Inside, I found a mishmash of playing cards, scraps of paper and a Wal-Mart bag containing my mom’s two recipe boxes, along with a wad of loose recipes from her kitchen drawer.

Even weeks prior, I would have shut the lid without a second thought. But that day, the mess in front of me didn’t feel so very daunting. Right then, I cleaned it all out and took my mom’s newly organized recipe collection to the basement, where I added it to my parents’ personal effects that I still need to work through carefully.

As I did this, it occurred to me that my personal stuffing season was winding down.

It was a necessary season. Something had to give when I was doing all those other tasks, and putting things in my cupboards just so, keeping up with the filing and maintaining other normal standards of household organization just weren’t top priorities.

I miss my parents terribly. This time of year, and especially this particular year—with milestone birthdays and important elections and all the conversations that would have surrounded those events were they still here—I feel their absence acutely.

But missing them isn’t impeding my ability to get things done, at least not right now.

Certainly, the Covid quarantine threw me off track for a while—a long while, actually. Honestly, it wasn’t until Lilly went to college in August that I was able regain some of the momentum I had in the early spring.

Even now, though, I’m holding my expectations loosely. Anything could happen—today or next week—that forces me right back into stuffing mode. If 2020 has taught me anything, it has to be that.

Stuffing season isn’t just literal, of course. There are times when we have to put our thoughts and feelings on a shelf as best we can and plow forward with what needs to be done. People are counting on us, and now’s not the time to check out.

But we can’t go on like this forever, not if we want to be healthy emotionally or have emotionally healthy relationships. Sure, we can bury our feelings. We can ignore the physical warning signs too, but, as a title on my bookshelf puts it, The Body Keeps the Score.

Eventually—maybe after you reach middle age or suffer a great loss of some kind—whatever is straining at the seams inside will need to be examined, unraveled, dealt with.

It could be that for you, stuffing season is far from over, or perhaps it’s just getting started. If this is where you find yourself right now, don’t lose heart. Focus on what needs to be done—on who needs to be cared for—and let the rest go.

But if you’re sensing that—after months of intense busyness or stress—a fresh wind is blowing in your heart, pay attention to it. If stuffing season is drawing to a close for you, your next step might be to tackle the medicine cabinet, the pantry, or the mess of paperwork on the dining-room table.

Or, if the stuffing goes much deeper, you might want to visit a therapist, join a support group, begin a Bible study or start scribbling in a prayer journal.

We can’t undo all the stuffing at once. I still have more to do—both literal and emotional—and not all of it is going to be easy.

But we can tackle a little at a time, when the time is right.

♥ Lois