When it’s Hard to Let Go   

by Lois Flowers

I didn’t intend for 2020 to become the Year of Trying Things I’ve Always Been Afraid to Try Before.

But apparently, it has become just that. (Among other things, which we will forgo discussing in this post.)

Last week, I wrote about how my daughter who loves to run managed to get me running outside on the trail at least once or twice week. She’s quite persuasive, and a great coach.

Truth be told, though, I didn’t really have a choice. I mean, I’ve devoted a significant amount of words over the years to encouraging her to persevere and stick with hard stuff and not give up when she gets frustrated.

It would be kind of hypocritical if I refused to try something hard and gave up the first (or 789th) time my joints creaked or my muscles ached during a run.

So, while I’m still waiting for that elusive feeling of God’s pleasure when I run (or is that only for Olympic athletes who won’t race on Sundays?) I’m doing my best to persevere.

I look up now when I run. It was hard at first, but I got used to it.

What I didn’t realize was that my outside running lessons would spill over to my form (or lack thereof) on the treadmill. But my dear coach noticed a connection I failed to see.

“You’ve got to stop hanging on to the treadmill when you run, Mom,” she said.

I was aware that I held on to the arms of the treadmill. I’ve been doing it for years, maybe even decades. Really, though—how much difference could it make?

I tried letting go one day, and I couldn’t believe how hard it was. Not hard as in fighting cancer or running a marathon or Navy SEAL training, of course. But for this almost-50-year-old woman who had previously thought she was in pretty good shape, it was tough.

Turns out, I had no idea how much I had depended on the arms of my treadmill to hold me up when I was running.

I held onto them. I leaned on them. I pretty much used them as a crutch. And because I had always done it, I didn’t realize how much it was hampering me.

It even affected even the way I was holding my hands when I ran outside (though I didn’t realize this until Molly took pictures of Lilly and me on one of our runs).

I knew if I was going to make any progress in my running, I would have to stop holding on. But I didn’t want to stop. I know it sounds silly and dramatic, but with everything in me, I wanted to keep hanging on.

Before I started running outside, I had been using the incline on the treadmill quite a bit and running at a pretty quick pace for a good part of my workouts. I knew if I didn’t hold on, I probably wouldn’t be able to do this as much.

It felt like regression to me, but also a case of not being able to move forward unless you go back. So I slowed down and stopped using the incline. Bit by bit, I’m adding in minutes of not holding on.

At first, my hands naturally gravitated back to the bars, almost as if they had a will of their own. Now, I can go for much longer without holding on, but when I rest my hands on the bars for a moment or too, I still can’t believe how much easier it is.

This whole thing is making me wonder. What else am I hanging on to?

A few weeks ago, I wrote about holding things loosely. I’m working on that, but what do I need to let go of entirely? And how about you?

Maybe it’s clothes we don’t wear, and never will. Documents we will never need. Home décor we used to love but have since packed away. Kitchen gadgets collecting dust on the top shelf. Expired medication.

Or perhaps we’re hanging on to unhealthy friendships, unforgiveness, resentments, fears or our expectations for other people.

Hanging on to one thing can affect other things, as I discovered when I saw the pictures of myself running. Sometimes the fix is as simple as remembering to run with my hands in fists, rather than splayed all over the place.

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28 comments

Bethany McIlrath October 17, 2020 - 7:30 am

I used to hold the rails on the treadmill, too, because it feels necessary for balance and not falling off! It is actually a hindrance though, as you point out. Pondering what things I might be hanging on to too tightly – I love reading your words here and the pondering that tends to come as a result. Thanks as always for sharing your insight, Lois. Glad for Lilly helping you learn to let go- she seems to be a wise teacher!

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Lois Flowers October 17, 2020 - 3:11 pm

Yes, Bethany … I would definitely call Lilly a wise teacher. And thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement … you know what a blessing they are to me! 🙂

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Lesley October 16, 2020 - 4:55 pm

It’s funny how we can become so used to holding onto things that we don’t even realise! Sometimes we need people like Lilly to come alongside us to point it out and help us break the habit.
And well done for persevering with running – I love walking but I don’t enjoy running at all!

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Lois Flowers October 17, 2020 - 3:08 pm

Thanks, Lesley. Persevering has not always been a strength for me, for sure. At least with running, though, the more I do it, the more I want to do it. (Hopefully that will continue!) Hugs, friend.

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mariel October 16, 2020 - 3:01 pm

beautiful reminder of truth and an inspiration to pick up my pace when I walk!! 🙂

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Lois Flowers October 17, 2020 - 3:04 pm

Thanks, Mariel! I’m so glad you found a bit of inspiration here. 🙂

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Beth October 16, 2020 - 6:45 am

That is a great truth about learning to let go. Thank you. I need to hold on to the truth as I let go of expectations and rest in what God has for me this year.

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Lois Flowers October 17, 2020 - 2:59 pm

Oh Beth, I’m with you on this .. learning to let go of expectations continues to be a lifelong endeavor for me. So good to hear from you this week!

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Jeanne Takenaka October 15, 2020 - 3:07 pm

Ahhh, Lois. I love when God uses our kids to help us learn life lessons. It is surprising when we realize we’ve been holding onto something we shouldn’t. Sometimes it is hard to let go of something we think is helping us. It’s when we choose to release it that God can help us see what a hindrance that thing was in our lives.

Now, I’m going to be praying God will show me if there is anything I need to let go of.

Great words here, friend!

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Lois Flowers October 17, 2020 - 2:57 pm

Oh Jeanne … I know what you mean about how hard it is to let go of something we think is helping us. And scary too. But it often boils down to trust, doesn’t it? I need to pray that same prayer with you, my friend.

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Donna October 15, 2020 - 2:53 pm

Lois, great follow up to your post from last week. This all totally resonates with me as I am a fellow treadmill junkie. Yes, it’s true, I thought I was in good shape too, running on my treadmill (holding on for dear life) until I went to do a 5k…it wasn’t pretty let me tell you. Letting go IS hard, your analogy hit me between the eyes. I started to reflect on some unhealthy habits I hold on to that keep me from growing as I should both personally and spiritually. Thank you for challenge, I needed it!

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Lois Flowers October 17, 2020 - 2:53 pm

Thanks, Donna. It’s good to know I’m have some company in all of this! By the way, I’ve only ever run one 5(k), and that was with the school running club when my daughter was in third grade. We started training in August, which was absolutely brutal in Kansas. From that, I learned that I MUCH prefer running in the cold. If I ever run another race, it will have to be a winter one!

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Laurie October 15, 2020 - 12:18 pm

I guarantee the “runner’s high” is not only for Olympic athletes. Good for you for persevering with your daughter on trail running.

I was just thinking about how I hang on to things (and relationships) too long last night. Long after they have stopped being a source of happiness or positive feelings, I hang on with a death grip. Thanks for this good reminder. I need to think about holding on more loosely too. I need to ask for Christ’s help in this endeavor.

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Lois Flowers October 17, 2020 - 2:51 pm

If the “runner’s high” is not just for Olympians, then maybe someday I will experience it too, Laurie! I don’t know about you, but sometimes I hold on to things after they’ve stopped being a source of happiness because it just takes too much energy to start sorting though them. Once I get going, it’s easier. It’s that initial jump that’s hard.

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Wemi Omotosho October 15, 2020 - 10:02 am

I love this analogy! Letting go can be so hard…but as you mentioned, we can count on the power of the Holy Spirit to help us. Thank you for sharing

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Lois Flowers October 17, 2020 - 2:44 pm

Oh yes, Wemi .. where would we be without the power of the Holy Spirit? I don’t even want to think about it! Blessings, friend.

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Jennifer Smith October 14, 2020 - 2:31 pm

Letting go seems to go better when we have that great coach instructing, encouraging and supporting us along the way! What a sweet way for you and your daughter to spend time together!! I was going to say that I’ve never seen a smiling runner – but your photo proved me wrong:)

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Lois Flowers October 17, 2020 - 2:40 pm

Haha, Jennifer … I can assure you that early on, I spent most of my time gasping for breath and assuring Lilly that I was not going to make it! Not much smiling going on then, for sure. Now that Lilly’s at school, I listen to music that reminds me of her and I find myself smiling quite a bit!

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Mary Geisen October 14, 2020 - 7:10 am

I love that your daughter is your coach. She has taught you so much. Just think how much God wants to teach us. We only need to look up and let go of the things that weigh us down. Beautiful analogies.

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Lois Flowers October 17, 2020 - 2:38 pm

Thanks, Mary. Yes, I’ve learned a lot from Lilly over the years, but this has definitely been the most intense training she’s given me. 🙂

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Bev @ Walking Well With God October 13, 2020 - 2:51 pm

Lois,
I used to walk briskly on a treadmill. I remember holding on because I was afraid that if I let go, it would shoot me off the back end of the conveyor belt lol. I now do all my walking outdoors where the only thing I need to cling to is God’s creation. I hear you, though, on needing to purge and let go of all that weighs me down and keeps me stuck. Great post and keep up the running!
Blessings,
Bev xx

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Lois Flowers October 17, 2020 - 2:34 pm

Haha, Bev … my husband has fears about falling off the treadmill too. It actually did happen to my dad once, but there were other factors involved. (He was trying to adjust something on his very basic machine WHILE he was walking on it!) Clinging to God’s creation while walking outside sounds is a lovely word picture. 🙂 Thanks for your kind words, my friend.

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Andrew Budek-Schmeisser October 13, 2020 - 12:12 pm

They say that I should just give in,
heed Jesus’ call, let go;
but I still think I’m gonna win,
and bubba, this I know
that one day’s surrender
to cancer’s vicious rule,
and I won’t remember
that pain is just a tool
that, when in the proper hands
can defeat its source
when he who wields it understands,
and stays the bloody course
to pull pain in through body’s door,
forcing weakness out through every pore.

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Lois Flowers October 17, 2020 - 2:31 pm

Andrew, you’ve added a dimension to this conversation about letting go that I hadn’t considered. Blessings to you as you continue to fight this hard fight.

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Susan Shipe October 13, 2020 - 10:26 am

It is so hard to let go…applies to so much!

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Lois Flowers October 17, 2020 - 2:24 pm

Amen, Susan!

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Anita Ojeda October 13, 2020 - 7:06 am

Beautiful analogy! I discovered the difference between treadmills amd the real thing when I did 70% of my marathon training on a treadmill. Huge difference. While I don’t hang on to the rails, I tend to overlook the incline button. Whatcha has its own set of spiritual applications!

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Lois Flowers October 17, 2020 - 2:24 pm

I think you’re right about overlooking the incline button, Anita. I’ve been ignoring it lately too! I have huge admiration for anyone who does a marathon, regardless of how they prepare for it!

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