Author

Lois Flowers

What To Do When You Long for Encouragement

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: It may seem counter-intuitive, but here’s a good way to proceed when your efforts are overlooked or you feel unseen. ~

When my girls were younger, the Golden Rule often came up in my conversations with them.

Whether the situation involved kids at school, each other or some stranger on TV, “How would you feel if someone did that to you (or said that about you)?” was a question worth considering, especially during stages of their lives that were especially me-focused.

It’s biblical, this concept of treating others how we would like to be treated. It’s right there in Matthew 7:12, in bright red letters: “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.”

Poor Me

Even so, when it comes to my own reactions to perceived slights, I’m inclined to bypass the Golden Rule and proceed straight to feeling sorry for myself.

When something I’ve said or done—my presence when I’m not normally there, my absence when I normally am, a fresh haircut, a new blouse, a sad countenance, a question in a text, how much effort I’ve put into something—is overlooked or not mentioned, I’m tempted to get hurt feelings.

On rare occasions, the affront is intentional. Most often, though, it’s not.

People Are Busy

They don’t always notice everything that is important to us. They may notice and forget to mention it. There could be any number of reasons.

In these cases, I need to remember how much I care for these people and give them the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes, I need to get over myself and stop being petty. Perhaps a reminder that the world doesn’t revolve around me is in order.

But always, I need to look for opportunities to do for others what I wish someone would do for me, and then do it.

It’s counter-intuitive, I know. But it’s the only way I know of to take the focus off myself and carry on about the business of living in a way that honors God.

Anyone Else?

I won’t ask for a show of hands, but I wonder if you might be able to relate to what I’m saying in some tiny way. If so, can I just pass on a version of what I share with myself from time to time?

If you are an encourager who needs some encouragement, keep encouraging.

If you are a helper who could use a little assistance, keep helping.

If you are a prayer warrior who needs prayer, keep praying.

If you are a cook in need of some nourishment, keep cooking.

If you are a giver who could use a present yourself, keep giving.

If you are a card sender who wishes someone would mail you a note, keep sending those cards.

If you are a listener who wants someone to hear you, keep listening.

God Sees

Just keep doing the things God has designed you to do. Even when they seem small to you, even when it seems like nobody is noticing, even when you desperately wish someone would return the favor.

Don’t ever believe the lie that what you’re doing doesn’t matter, that nobody would miss it if you stopped.

Because you are making a difference.

And God sees it, even if you can’t.

♥ Lois

If you are an encourager who needs some encouragement, keep encouraging. Share on X Don’t ever believe the lie that what you’re doing doesn’t matter, that nobody would miss it if you stopped. You are making a difference. And God sees it, even if you can’t. Share on X

P.S. This piece was adapted from a previously published post. Also, this week I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

14 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

What to do When You’re Waiting for an Open Door

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: When we’re trying to determine what’s next, opportunities for rejection abound. But let’s set our fears aside and keep knocking, trusting that God is ultimately the One who opens or closes every door. ~

When we visited Spain last November, we practically walked our legs off.

We didn’t travel everywhere on foot, of course, but many of the cathedrals, shops and restaurants on our sight-seeing itinerary were a 15- or 20-minute walk away. As we traversed cobblestone streets with tall buildings on either side—trying to keep up with our tour guide/daughter Lilly and avoid running into other pedestrians on the narrow, often uneven sidewalks—I started noticing the doors along the way.

So Many Beautiful Doors

Urban residential areas in Seville, Spain, are nothing like suburban neighborhoods in the Midwest, where houses are separated by yards and have sidewalks leading up to their front entrances.

Where we were, the apartment buildings open right onto the street. You pass a door every couple of yards or so, and every single one is different.

At some point, I started taking pictures of these doors. They were interesting to look at, for sure. But I couldn’t help but think I was drawn to them for a deeper reason.

Delayed Reaction?

By the time we got home, I was sick with Covid for the second time in nine months. As seems to be my custom with this sickness, my words went away for a while. When I looked ahead, I saw … well, nothing.

I wondered if this was some kind of delayed reaction to becoming an empty nester. We’d had a busy fall, after all. Maybe the full force of this transition was finally hitting me.

I gradually felt better. My words slowly came back. And I started thinking about the doors again.

Never Say Never

References to doors started catching my eye, including this statement by novelist Beth K. Vogt: “God’s best is often found behind the doors marked ‘never.’”

“Over and over again I sealed off certain opportunities,” she writes on her website. “I would never marry a doctor or anyone in the military. I would never have children. I would never write fiction. And don’t you know God stripped off the duct tape and walked me through each of those NEVER doors?”

That’s a wise perspective, isn’t it? It certainly intensifies the meaning of the phrase never say never.

Doors Marked “Impossible”

At this point in my life, however, Vogt’s words are speaking to me in a different way. I usually don’t think about never in terms of what I don’t ever want to do. Rather, my thoughts go toward what I might consider hopeless or impossible.

Could it be, then, that God’s best also might be found behind a door I have labeled “it will never happen”?

The Bible talks about how God opens “doors of opportunity,” and that when He puts an open door in front of us, no one can shut it. (See 2 Corinthians 2:12 and Revelation 3:8.) While these verses specifically refer to the spread of the gospel, I think the principle also applies to other callings and assignments.

What Next?

Unfortunately, it’s often hard to distinguish between what we think God wants us to do and what He is actually going to bring to fruition in our lives. Even when we have peace about the overall assignment, it’s easy to feel inadequate and unsure of what to do next.

We can’t just sit around and wait for God’s chosen (and perhaps humanly impossible) doors to pop open right in front of us, can we? But how do we know which doors to knock on, in hopes that some of them might open to the help or opportunities we are seeking?

And how do we keep going when the doors we do try remain tightly closed?

Knocking Season

As one who is currently in a season of knocking, I don’t have any definitive answers, but I do have a few thoughts—for you and for me.

When knocking on a lot of doors—in a job search, seeking help of some kind, etc.—the possibilities for rejection are plentiful. Whether you get a no in writing or hear nothing at all, try not to take it personally. Either result is a good answer from our good God: That’s not the one, keep knocking.

Don’t be intimidated by the size of a door or the influence of whoever lives behind it. If God’s best for you is behind a certain door, your message will get through to them and the door will open.

Be thankful for people who open doors to or for you, no matter how small the opening. And do the same for others when the opportunity arises.

Pray First

Don’t knock without praying first. For the door to open, sure, but more importantly, that God’s will would be done.

Sometimes it seems like there are doors everywhere—like when my family was in Spain, passing one every few feet. Other times, you may feel like you’re out in the wilderness, driving miles between houses to find another place to knock.

Not every door that opens will be God’s best for you. How to know? Seek counsel. Make sure you’re not shying away out of fear. Ask Him to slam the door shut if you’re not supposed to go through.

Mistakes Happen

But what if you go through an open door, feeling sure that God is the one who opened it, only to discover you’ve made a terrible mistake? I have two thoughts about this. First, what looks like a mistake from our vantage point—for a variety of valid reasons—may be exactly where we need to be to fulfill God’s purposes, for us or for someone else.

Also, whether you are in the right place or you did, indeed, choose the wrong door, God will not abandon you. The way out might be long and hard. But He has promised to be with you every step of the way, and He will not break that promise.

Finally, if the path ahead is foggy and there are no doors in sight, go about the business of living and loving, taking care of the immediate and important needs right in front of you. As author Emily Freeman puts it, “Do the next right thing in love.”

Friends, it’s so easy to get fixated on a specific door being the right one (ask me how I know). But let’s all hold our expectations loosely even as we continue to knock. God’s best will be revealed in ways we might not expect or imagine right now.

He will open the right door when the time is right, and not a moment sooner.

• • •

What helps you during a season of knocking on doors? And which of the Spanish doors pictured grabs your attention the most? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

Don’t be intimidated by the size of a door or the influence of whoever lives behind it. If God’s best for you is behind a certain door, your message will get through to them and the door will open. Share on X Be thankful for people who open doors to or for you, no matter how small the opening. And do the same for others when the opportunity arises. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Sweet Tea & Friends, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

28 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

Share Four Somethings: January 2024

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Insightful links about the fears of old age, what’s happening when “God goes silent,” how to help grieving people and why we all need to fast from digital devices and information. Plus, a tiny geek out about quotation marks. ~

Is it just me, or does it feel like time is moving at warp speed in 2024?

How are we already three weeks into the new year? I have no idea.

The prayer in Psalm 90:12 becomes more urgent by the hour: “Teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts.”

While we count our days—looking for ways make the most of each moment they contain—it helps to slow down from time to time and identify the blessings. Ponder the learnings. Articulate the observations.

Writing a regular Share Four Somethings blog post is one way I try to accomplish this. Even when I skip a month or deviate from the linkup’s stated categories, it’s helpful to reflect on recent happenings even as we look forward to the future, however cloudy it might be. Starting with …

• Something Loved

I love winter. The colder, the better. The more snow, the better. Granted, I live in Kansas, not North Dakota or Alabama, so my idea of a lot of snow might not be the same as yours.

I missed my annual snow walk with daughter Molly this year, but I still got to experience the wintery mix up close and personal when I went outside to knock snow off the branches of some vulnerable evergreens in my backyard.

• Something Read

When it comes to reading material, everyone is different. Words that resonate with me during this season of my life might put you to sleep.

Maybe not, though.

Several blog posts and articles have struck a chord with me lately, so I thought I’d share a few with you.

In “How to Help When You Don’t Know What to Do,” Tricia Lott Williford offers hard-won guidance to those wondering what to do, as well as those who are hurting. For example:

“If you don’t know what to say, simply say, ‘I’m so sorry.’ Or even better, ‘I am so sad for you.’ Don’t try to explain or offer a lofty word. There is no explanation, so free yourself from trying to find one.”

I’m not what John Piper calls an “older saint,” but his article titled “Five Fears of Old Age” touched my heart. It reminded me of my parents, but it also contains wisdom I hope to remember as I get older.

“Affliction, in the purposeful hand of God, has effects now in this life, and after death,” Piper writes. “It is never meaningless. It is never without God’s merciful design for our good.”

Trevin Wax writes about Augustine and his mother in “God Knows What You Really Want, Not Just What You Think You Want.” This piece provides a peek behind the curtain of those occasions when “God goes silent” in response to our sincere prayers.

“God is painting a portrait. Dark strokes are part of the canvas,” Wax says. “The Artist knows his subjects better than his subjects know themselves. Trust his hand. Yield to his brush. God often says no to our particular pleadings in order to say yes to our most profound prayers.”

Finally, in “Digital Detox, Intentional Ignorance, and the Proximity Principle,” Seth Troutt shares practical advice about “fasting from digital devices and fasting from information,” as well as thoughtful insights about why this is so important.

“Omnipresence is one of the characteristics of God,” he explains. “When technology makes us hyper-present, not only can our nervous systems not handle it, but our close friends and loved ones go unloved because we are aloof, distracted, and preoccupied.”

• Something Learned

Most people don’t geek out about punctuation, but I learned something this last month that sort of blew my editor mind. Turns out, the way quotation marks are used in American English is the opposite of how they’re used in Australia.

I discovered this when reading an ebook by two women who live in Australia. It was a well-edited book, but I kept noticing commas outside quote marks, not inside, and single quotes where I expected to see double.

My first thought: How could an editor overlook something so obvious?

Screenshot of page from “Good Mourning: Honest Conversations about Grief and Loss” with Australian usage of quotation marks highlighted.

Eventually, I started wondering if the comma placement wasn’t a mistake after all, that maybe they simply did things differently in Australia. I looked it up, and sure enough, they do.

According to this article on the Elite Editing website, “American English uses double quotation marks, and only uses single quotations marks when quoting inside a quotation. … In Australian English, single quotation marks are used, and double quotation marks are only included to quote within quotations.”

Furthermore, “In American English, the punctuation mark (i.e. the full stop or comma) always comes before the closing quotation mark. Conversely, in Australian English, the punctuation mark will usually come after the closing quotation mark, unless the quotation is also a complete sentence.”

This might not mean much to people who aren’t used to including quotes in their writing. But as a former newspaper reporter who has been quoting people in articles for decades, this was fascinating information.

(If you’re knowledgeable about Australian English, please chime in if I’m missing anything important here.)

• Something Observed

Editorial geek outs aside, I’m thinking there’s a deeper meaning to my recent experience with quotation marks.

We may think we’re right about something, or that someone else is wrong, when we simply don’t have enough information to make a judgment about the matter.

I thought I was seeing editing mistakes in the book I just mentioned, but I wasn’t. If I hadn’t taken a step back and considered whether they do things differently in Australia, I might have gone on my merry way, smugly continuing to wonder what kind of editor misses such things.

Whether we’re talking about punctuation, politics or a zillion other issues, there’s often a side (or perhaps many sides) to the story that we aren’t seeing, for whatever reason. Making assumptions or jumping to prideful conclusions never benefits anyone.

I’m not talking about having such an open mind that your brain falls out, as the saying goes. It is, however, always a good idea to ask, “What am I missing?” Because we never know what that might be.

• • •

Now it’s your turn. How do you feel about winter, snow and sub-zero temperatures? Have you read any memorable books or blog posts lately? What blessings, lessons or observations have you noted in the last month? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

It helps to slow down from time to time and identify the blessings. Ponder the learnings. Articulate the observations. Share on X We may think we’re right about something, or that someone else is wrong, when we simply don’t have enough information to make a judgment about the matter. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with sharefoursomethings, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

29 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

A Powerful Prayer for Our Young Adult Children (and Empty Nesters Too)

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Plus, what to remember in an stressful election year and a five-star recipe for gracious living. All based on a timely word from scripture. ~

I didn’t plan it this way, but the first book of the Bible I read in 2024 held more wisdom and truth for the coming year than I could have possibly imagined.

I use a read-through-the-Bible-in-two-years plan that usually takes me about three years. This is why, when I finally got back to my morning devotional times several days into the new year, I was just beginning the Book of Colossians.

I hadn’t been reading long when I arrived at what is not only one of the longer single sentences in the Bible, but also the perfect petition for my loved ones this year. Here’s how the Apostle Paul prays for the spiritual growth of his dear friends:

“We are asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding, so that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, so that you may have great endurance and patience, joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the saints’ inheritance in the light.” (Colossians 1:9-12, CSB)

Timely Prayer

That’s a mouthful of words, for sure. As a prayer, though, it’s highly relevant for both generations of my family—and probably for yours too.

My daughters are now 22 and 19. One will graduate from college in May. Both are poised on the brink of their adult lives.

Randy and I, on the other hand, are both 53. We’re on the cusp of the final third of our lives—a stretch that, despite inevitable decline, hopefully will also be productive and fulfilling.

Different Seasons, Similar Challenges

We’re in a different season than our girls, but we face some similar challenges, not the least of which is trying to live faithful lives in an ever-darkening world. So rather than focus solely on immediate needs and wants when I pray for us, I’m taking a cue from Paul’s colleague Epaphras, who is described as “always wrestling” for the Colossians in his prayers. (See Colossians 4:12)

In my own private wrestling sessions, I’m asking God to fill me and my loved ones with “the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding.” I’m praying that we will walk in ways that are fruitful and pleasing to God. That, strengthened by God’s power, we would have “great endurance and patience.” And so on.

Such prayers are not answered overnight, of course. But if there was ever a need and an opportunity for long-haul prayer for our loved ones, it’s now.

Antidote for Anxiety

That’s not all Colossians holds for us in 2024, however.

It’s easy to get discouraged or anxious when we think about the economy, the coming presidential election, escalating conflicts overseas and any number of other heavy issues. These are all significant concerns, but Colossians 1:15-17 reminds us that we humans are not actually running the world; Jesus is.

“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For everything was created by him, in heaven and on earth, the visible and the invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and by him all things hold together.” (CSB)

Maybe we should all copy these verses down and tape them to our refrigerators. God is in charge, friends. He will hold us fast, come what may.

Gracious Living

Finally, if we’re wondering how we should conduct ourselves in a year that promises to be contentious on many levels, Colossians lights the way in this regard too.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ, to which you were also called in one body, rule your hearts. And be thankful.” (Colossians 3:12-15, CSB)

That sounds like a five-star recipe for grace-filled, faithful living, doesn’t it? Especially when accompanied by Colossians 4:6: “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.”

We can’t control what anyone else does. But we can do our best to live like this ourselves—in person, online, and even on the interstate.

♥ Lois

If there was ever a need and an opportunity for long-haul prayer for our loved ones, it’s now. Share on X God is in charge, friends. He will hold us fast, come what may. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

16 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

My One Word for 2024

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: I don’t know how the word I’ve chosen for this year will influence my life, but I’m confident it will guide me … in ways I can’t even imagine right now. ~

When I started choosing one word for each year in 2015, my family and I established a little tradition. We sit around the dinner table a few months before the new year and they try to guess what my new word is.

Some years they figure it out pretty easily. Other times, it takes many guesses, plus a variety of clues from me.

This year was no exception

Because Lilly was in Spain for the semester, however, our “guess-Mom’s-word” game had to wait until we were visiting her before Thanksgiving.

It was maybe our second night in Seville, and we were having dinner at a cozy restaurant. We’d already enjoyed several tapas, small shareable plates of food that Spain is known for.

As Randy and the girls started throwing out possibilities, I tried to steer them in the right direction. It’s a short word, maybe an adverb, I told them. (I had not looked up parts of speech in advance, though I have since then.)

And the winner is …

It took a while but Lilly finally guessed correctly. The scene is engrained in my mind in warm, sepia tones, which I suppose is fitting, considering that my word is now.

 The dictionary describes now as “an adverb of time.” In spoken English, it’s used to signal what’s going to happen next: “Now we’re going to …”

Synonyms include at present, at the moment, currently, this minute, immediately.

And then there are all the common phrases containing now that have occurred to me since the word first slipped into my mind some months ago:

Now or never.

Now what?

Right now.

Not now.

What does it all mean?

I can’t help but wonder, as I always do.

Of all the words I’ve chosen over the years—fruit, fierce, bold, strength and remember, among others—this one is perhaps the most ambiguous. As per usual, I have no idea what it will mean to me during the next 12 months.

That said, I also have every confidence now the right word for me in 2024.

It will guide me just as its predecessors have done, in ways I can’t even imagine right now.

• • •

Do you choose a word or theme for each new year? If so, please share in the comments. If this is not a preferred practice for you, feel free to mention a new habit or mindset that you are hoping to carry with you throughout 2024.

♥ Lois

Of all the words I’ve chosen over the years, NOW is perhaps the most ambiguous. I have no idea what it will mean to me during the next 12 months, but that's OK. Share on X I don't know why, but I'm confident NOW is the right word for me in 2024. It will guide me just as its predecessors have done, in ways I can’t even imagine right now. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with One Word 2024, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

28 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail

What I Learned in 2023: 5 Key Takeaways

by Lois Flowers
by Lois Flowers

Inside: Before we officially launch 2024 here on the blog, I’m sharing a few quick lessons about becoming an empty nester, my motivation for writing, dealing with vastly different perspectives, trusting God and how my parents live on in my children. ~

If I was more on top of things, I would have posted this while it was still 2023. But I’ve been busy spending time with daughters home from college, family in from out of town and a husband who can’t put weight on his foot after ankle surgery.

Plus, lessons learned one year carry over to the next, right? So before we officially launch 2024 here on the blog (next week with a post about my new word for the year), I’m sharing a few quick lessons from the year just past.

1. The empty nest hits each mom different.

I’ve read and heard all sorts of stories about what it’s like to leave your youngest child at college, and it seems that each experience is as unique as the person who goes through it.

I missed younger girl Molly a great deal this past semester, and older daughter Lilly too, while she was studying in Spain. I don’t recall shedding any tears about it, though. They were both where they were supposed to be, and for me, that helped tremendously with the letting go.

I’m still trying to figure out what the next phase of my life is going to look like, trusting that God will open the right doors when the time is right (more on that in a future post).

2. My parents live on in my children.

Lilly has my mom’s outgoing personality, hospitable heart and authentic desire to connect people. My dad’s calm spirit, logical nature and penchant for keeping track of details are abundantly evident in Molly.

It brings me joy and soothes my heart to see these characteristics on display in my girls, almost five years after we said good-bye to my parents.

3. My motivation behind my writing must be to encourage, not to elicit sympathy or affirmation.

When I’m brainstorming a blog post, sometimes it helps to take a step back and think about why the idea is swirling around in my head. If I’m hoping others will affirm me after reading my words, I’m finding it’s best to set that topic aside, at least for a while. (You can read more about this here.)

4. With our differences, we can cover more ground.

I haven’t stopped thinking about this statement since I first read it in a blog post my friend Ashley wrote to commemorate her 11th wedding anniversary. Randy and I agree about many topics, but sometimes, we’re so far apart in what we see, it’s as if we are looking at completely disparate scenes.

Ashley’s words remind me that our diverse perspectives can help us see more of a situation together than we could each do on our own. This, I’m finding, is particularly helpful when parenting young adults.

5. When times get difficult or wonky, we have to make an intentional decision to remember what we believe about God and hold fast to it.

This hit home not so long ago, when I realized that my biggest fear isn’t that God won’t be faithful, but that what He ordains for me or my loved ones might be hard. Will I continue to trust Him when circumstances are not to my liking, or even to my detriment? I dearly hope so.

• • •

I could keep going with the lessons from 2023, but I’ll stick to these five. And of course I’d love to know—what did you learn last year that you’ll keep close to your heart or mind in 2024? Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

Our diverse perspectives can help us see more of a situation together than we could each do on our own. Share on X If I'm honest with myself, I'd have to say that my biggest fear isn’t that God won’t be faithful, but that what He ordains for me or my loved ones might be hard. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

16 comments
FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinEmail