Author

Lois Flowers

Word of the Year Recap: Dawn

by Lois Flowers December 13, 2022

by Lois Flowers

Inside: What we can learn from the dawn as we reflect on 2022 and look forward to a brand new year.

Some years, I can look back on the word I chose for the past 12 months and notice—sometimes to the point of goosebumps—how relevant and timely it was for my life during that season.

Fierce and bold, for the last years of my parents’ lives when helping them stretched me in ways I had never even imagined before. Full for 2020, when the world seemed to be falling apart but my grieving heart was starting to recover from my personal “worst year ever.”

December 13, 2022 22 comments

When Grief Invades the Holidays, the Hope of Heaven Holds Us Fast

by Lois Flowers December 6, 2022

by Lois Flowers

Inside: Comfort and encouragement for those who have lost a loved one in recent years and struggle with grief at Christmas. ~

Four years ago, keeping Christmas saved me.

In 2018, I spent many December days running around like a chicken with my head cut off—to see my dad at the hospital, in rehab and then finally in long-term care with my mom; to his lawyer’s office, his banks, the investment broker’s office and my parents’ home in a neighboring town; to the places I needed to go to keep my own household running through the holidays.

Peace in the Storm

In the midst of all that, my home was a much-needed sanctuary. The girls had decorated the house during a late November blizzard, and when I stepped in the door every day—after hours of trying to manage the details of my dad’s perplexing decline and future care—I was greeted by peace.

Nobody would have blamed us if we had decided to forego normal holiday traditions like making cookie boxes for friends and neighbors that year. Sometimes it’s better to hang a wreath on the front door and leave all the other decorations in the attic.

But Lilly had been taking a baking class at school, so we forged ahead and got all the cookies baked and delivered. We took time out to attend a For King and Country concert one night, and we even hosted Christmas dinner for extended family members who were in town to see my parents in the nursing home.

How Did We Do It?

I look back and wonder how in the world we did it all. But I think I have an idea. It was God’s strength flowing through us, bolstered by the prayers of who knows how many people.

It was one of the hardest Decembers I’ve ever lived through, and yet, somehow, it was also one of the best Christmases in recent memory.

Fast Forward 12 Months

When the holidays rolled around again, I pushed ahead with the things that meant the most to those around me—but not with the kind of adrenaline-fueled energy I had the previous year.

My mom had died in April, my dad in May.

It was Christmas again. My parents were gone; the relatives were not coming.

We decorated the house, and it was all lovely and peaceful, but it was also … different.

How So?

There were all the emotions that go along with remembering what happened “this time last year.” There were all the normal trappings of navigating the first holiday season without mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, mother-in-law and father-in-law: the sadness, the foggy brain, the exhaustion, the lack of motivation, the works.

But at times, there was also something else. A heaviness greater than just grief. A collection of inner turmoil that an adult lifetime of walking with Jesus told me something else might be going on too.

Something Darker, Spiritually

For me, the first week of December was the worst. But early that week, something happened to alter my mindset.

Over the space of about three days, I heard the same scripture from three different sources—in a Sunday sermon, at my GriefShare class and then in a devotional the next morning.

The repetition of the verses made me think that this was a “right now word from God,” as a mentor of mine used to say. Not just for me that year, but perhaps for you today.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.

“Be serious! Be alert! Your adversary the Devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour. Resist him and be firm in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are being experienced by your fellow believers throughout the world.

“Now the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered a little. The dominion belongs to Him forever. Amen.” 1 Peter 5:6-11 (HCSB)

How This Applies to Advent

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen this passage in an Advent devotional or Christmas reading. There’s no doubt Satan has ample opportunities to wreak havoc during the holiday season, but I’d rather not think of him prowling around the Christmas tree, stealing the joy and peace that might already be in short supply this year.

And yet, there it is. I won’t belabor the point, but I don’t think it’s a revelation to anyone reading this that the enemy of our souls doesn’t call off his attacks when we are at our most vulnerable. I didn’t know what that holiday season would bring, but looking back, the fact that it included a considerable dose of spiritual warfare isn’t a huge shock.

The story doesn’t end there, though. With Jesus, it never does.

Hope in the Darkness

I struggled more than I expected that first December after my parents died. But having 1 Peter 5 in the back of my mind, even during the darker moments, was a lifesaver.

It reminded me of truths I’ve long held dear—that greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. (1 John 4:4) That what the enemy means for evil, God will work out for our good. (Genesis 50:20)

As we wait in hope for the second Advent, 1 Peter 5:6-11 also reminds us that the throne of heaven is open right now, its sovereign Occupant ever ready to receive even the smallest of cares that we humbly offer up to Him.

And whatever the next few days and the next 12 months bring, our Immanuel will go before us and be with us—in our victories and our failures, in our uncertainties and our pain, in our disappointments and our joys.

• • •

If this post spoke to you, I would love for you to share it with others via Facebook, email or however else you communicate.

♥ Lois

This post is part of a collection called Help for Parent Loss. To read more, please click here.

Even as we wait in hope for the second Advent, the throne of heaven is open, its sovereign Occupant ever ready to receive even the smallest of cares that we humbly offer up to Him. Share on X Whatever the next few days and weeks bring, our Immanuel will go before us and be with us—in our victories and our failures, in our uncertainties and our pain, in our disappointments and our joys. Share on X

December 6, 2022 28 comments

Share Four Somethings: November 2022

by Lois Flowers November 29, 2022

by Lois Flowers

Inside: What I’m loving this month, a book about grief for Little Women fans, braving constructive feedback and a glimpse of my daughter’s awesome creativity.

As I write this, my family and I are driving home from North Dakota, where we spent Thanksgiving break with Randy’s family.

One of the things I love most about North Dakota is the hugeness of the sky. The orientation of my mother-in-law’s house provides a mostly unobstructed view of the sunrise and the sunset, and both were glorious the last time we saw them there.

That’s not all I’m noticing these days, of course. And before we turn another page on the calendar and move full speed ahead into the holiday season, I’d love for you to join me as I look back and identify Four Somethings that have steadied me in recent weeks.

November 29, 2022 30 comments

The Joy of Learning at Any Age: 5 Autumn Realizations

by Lois Flowers November 15, 2022

by Lois Flowers

Inside: What it takes to keep learning—no matter how old you are. Plus … one way to do hard things, why it helps to run into the wind, and how to respond to unanswered prayers.

Several weeks ago, I watched as my younger sister taught my 92-year-old aunt how to use the video feature of Facebook Messenger. Aunt Renate wanted to be able to video chat with her daughter in Mississippi; now she can.

Goes to show, you’re never too old to learn something new.

November 15, 2022 26 comments

4 Truths that Steady Us as the World Spins Faster

by Lois Flowers November 8, 2022

by Lois Flowers

Inside: When time flies by and it seems like the world is spinning out of control, the Book of Isaiah offers comfort and encouragement.

I’ve been blinking so much lately it feels like I’m in a perpetual dust storm.

I blinked and it’s November.

I blinked and the vibrant fall leaves are blanketing the ground.

I blinked and Thanksgiving is two weeks away.

I blinked and my daughter turned 21.

I blinked and I turned—well, another year older.

It’s as if we emerged from some kind of weird Covid-19 time warp into a world spinning so fast we can hardly keep up. Add in any number of societal changes and challenges, and it sometimes seems as if our entire planet is spiraling out of control.

November 8, 2022 28 comments

Warm Memories and 5 Thoughts about Time

by Lois Flowers November 1, 2022

by Lois Flowers

Inside: My dad’s metaphor for time and what we can learn from it that might help us use our time wisely. ~

In his classic book On Writing Well, William Zinsser lamented that “Memories too often die with their owner, and time too often surprises us by running out.”

As I went through the papers my dad left behind when he died, I often wished I could ask him about them. Why, for example, did he save so many newspaper clippings about the space race with Russia? What made him so interested in the Russian Revolution, and racial issues, and seemingly endless other topics?

Why did he like maps so much? Was it hard to obtain patents (which he did three times)? Which did he enjoy more: writing Bible studies or penning children’s stories?

Who knows?

Maybe some of my siblings know the answers to some of these questions, but unless I ask them, I’ll never know. They’ve died with their owner, as Zinsser said.

I do have my own memories of my dad, though, and of my life with him. And—just as my GriefShare leader promised—as the grief has softened, those memories have become warmer.

What That Looks Like

My family and I are able to sit around the dinner table and reminisce about my parents. When Molly turns up her nose at the chicken tikka masala on her plate, I tell her how I used to sneak my mushrooms onto my dad’s dinner plate when I was a kid because I hated them so much.

We laugh about how he used to slice up blocks of ice cream with a knife instead of scooping it—we all got a rectangle on our plates. I’m sure my mom bought the blocks because they were cheaper than tubs, but his method of serving the ice cream was the perfect engineer way.

Whenever Randy comes home with a new joke that makes Molly roll her eyes all the way to the back of her head, we look at each other and smile. “My dad would have loved that one,” I often say.

Manna as a Metaphor

The second half of Zinsser’s thought—the part about time running out—came to mind when I found, on the very last page of a yellowed notebook full of my dad’s handwritten children’s stories, something called “Manna as a metaphor for time.” I have no idea if he ever shared these thoughts with anyone—a small group or a Sunday school class perhaps?

But they’re thought-provoking, and worth sharing here.

As you may recall from the Old Testament, God provided manna until the Israelites entered the Promised Land and were able to eat its produce. The white flakes, which Exodus 16:31 says “tasted like wafers made with honey,” appeared on the ground every morning, six days a week. The people were instructed to gather only what they needed for each day, except on the sixth day, when they also collected manna for the sabbath.

According to my dad, manna is a metaphor for time because of the following reasons:

• Everyone got exactly as much as he needed. Even if somebody got greedy, it ended up the same. (Exodus 16:18)

• You could do a lot of different things with manna—cook it in pots or make it into loaves, for example. (Numbers 11:8)

• Some people were bored with the manna; they didn’t appreciate it. Instead, they looked back to a “better time” when they ate all the fish and melons they wanted in Egypt. (Numbers 11:4-6)

• Manna had to be used as it came; it couldn’t be stored. (Exodus 16:20)

• There was a time when the manna stopped, but there was something better to take its place. (Joshua 5:10-12)

How Manna Relates to Time

It’s a good metaphor, as my dad’s metaphors usually were. We each get as much time as we need—not more or less. We can do many things with the time we are given. Sometimes we look back fondly at the “good old days,” conveniently forgetting the struggles and challenges that came with those seasons.

We can’t store up time to use later (although it would be nice if we could). And finally, eventually our time will run out, but—if we are part of God’s family—something better awaits in eternity.

“Lord, reveal to me the end of my life and the number of my days. Let me know how short-lived I am. You, indeed, have made my days short in length, and my life span as nothing in Your sight.” Amen. (Psalm 39:3-4)

♥ Lois

We each get as much time as we need—not more or less. Share on X Our time will run out eventually, but if we are part of God’s family, something better awaits in eternity. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Sweet Tea & Friends, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

November 1, 2022 26 comments