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Lois Flowers

Lois Flowers

Grief or Disappointment? Why it Helps to Know the Difference

by Lois Flowers February 7, 2023
by Lois Flowers

Inside: There’s an important difference between grief and disappointment, and here’s why it matters.

On Sunday, the Kansas City Chiefs take on the Philadelphia Eagles in the Super Bowl. The last time the Chiefs played in the NFL championship, the match didn’t go so well for our boys in red. That loss prompted the following thoughts about disappointment, and how it relates to grief. 

• • •

I’m not the most rabid football fan in the world, but I still remember how glum I was the day after the Super Bowl in 2021—possibly the worst game the Kansas City Chiefs had played in several years. Recalling the joy and ecstasy that swept over Kansas City when the team won the Super Bowl in 2020 made the disappointment even more poignant.

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February 7, 2023 26 comments
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Share Four Somethings: January 2023

by Lois Flowers January 31, 2023
by Lois Flowers

Inside: The blessing of a snow day, encouraging quotes about waiting and prayer, a lesson I keep relearning and a favorite comfort food. Plus a biblical anchor for life’s emotional roller coasters.

In some ways, January was great. In other ways, it was one long exhausting ride on the struggle bus.

(Please tell me I’m not the only one.)

For me, that bouncy ride was accompanied by a near-complete lack of words. I’d sit down to write and all I could think was, “I got nuthin.’ ” Or I’d delve into my book manuscript and all I could hear inside my head was “just delete the whole thing already.” (I rejected that idea, in case you were wondering.)

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January 31, 2023 34 comments
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When Red Flags Wave, God is There to Help

by Lois Flowers January 24, 2023
by Lois Flowers

Inside: We don’t know why Eve didn’t go straight to God for help when she was first tempted in the garden. But we do know He is ready and willing to rescue us in our times of testing and temptation.

There are some details missing from the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, particulars we might think of as biblical fact that aren’t there at all.

The Bible doesn’t actually say, for example, what their relationship with God really looked like. It doesn’t specify how often they experienced His presence and heard His actual voice.

But based on Gen. 3:3, which says they “heard the sound of the Lord God as He was walking in the garden in the cool of the day,” it’s not unreasonable to assume they spent enough time near Him to know what His presence sounded like.

Inconceivable

I can’t imagine what it might have been like to be in such close fellowship with God—completely comfortable and free from the slightest trace of guilt or shame. Whatever it was like, that’s what Adam and Eve experienced.

Then Satan, cleverly disguised as a serpent, tempted them to eat fruit from the one tree in the Garden that God declared off limits. Forget all the other delicious fruit they’d been eating since Day One. Now, suddenly (or maybe not so suddenly), they want the one they aren’t supposed to have.

That’s how it always is, isn’t it? No wonder Ruth Bell Graham calls it the testing tree in her lovely children’s book One Wintry Night.

If Only

I’m pointing no fingers at Eve. I might have done exactly what she did if I had been in her place. It makes me sad, though, that her first inclination was not to run to her Creator and ask for help when that serpent first appeared.

This is what conscientious parents teach their children to do, right? I know it’s a lesson Randy and I have tried to impart to our daughters over the years.

“Girls,” we’ve told them, “if you find yourself in a situation or conversation and you don’t know what to do, or you have a funny feeling about it, or you know something’s not right, don’t wait—come and talk to us about it.”

And They Do

“Mom, I need to talk to you,” one will say. And she takes me to the bedroom, shuts the door and asks a question or tells me what’s on her mind. I go into these conversations with a bit of trepidation because I never know what to expect, but I cherish them nonetheless.

Whatever it is, I always want them to ask or tell me. I always want them to feel like they can tell me.

Not that I’m always a big help. I remember Lilly coming home in second grade and quizzing me—more than once, as I recall—about a word she had heard at school.

“Is funk a bad word?” she wanted to know.

“No, of course not,” I answered, without giving it a second thought. “It’s like a rotten mood or something.”

Oops

Take a wild guess where this is about to go.

I’m sure I heard an occasional cuss word in second grade. But I was not prepared for my innocent little girl to be exposed to the granddaddy of all bad words at that age. So it didn’t even register that she might be asking about the obvious four-letter word that starts with F.

Turns out, it was that word, not funk, that she was asking about. A too-knowledgeable-for-his-own-good classmate had gotten a big kick out of teaching her to say it, and their conversation had been overheard by a teacher at recess.

It Gets Worse

By the time the students had been ushered back to the classroom to deal with this little crisis, Lilly was so frustrated that she exclaimed—loudly and in front of everyone—“But I don’t even know what @#$% means!”

I’m happy to report that she remembers none of this. But talk about dropping the mom ball. Yikes.

Fortunately, God never drops the ball in such situations.

The still small Voice. That feeling we get when we know something’s not right. That specific bit of Scripture that speaks directly into our soul. That’s Him, letting us know which way is the right way, and which way is not.

Which Makes Me Wonder

When the serpent first appeared, why in the name of all things good and holy didn’t Eve get that funny feeling in the pit of her stomach that would have sent her running straight to God? Or, if she did get it, why didn’t she heed it?

There’s no way to know, of course. But still, I can’t help but wonder.

Part of me thinks if Eve didn’t do this, and she physically walked in the presence of God, what hope is there for any of us? But then I think of another tree, and what Jesus did there—the reason He did it and the finality of His sacrifice. And I know there is always a chance, and another chance, and another chance.

It’s called grace. And how lost we would be without it.

♥ Lois

I might have done exactly what Eve did if I had been in her place. But I wonder why her first inclination was not to run to her Creator and ask for help when that serpent first appeared. Share on X The still small Voice, that specific bit of Scripture that speaks directly into our soul—that’s God, letting us know which way is the right way, and which way is not. Share on X

P.S. This is an updated version of a post that was first published in 2014. This week, I’m linking up with #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

January 24, 2023 20 comments
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My One Word for 2023: It’s Time to Remember

by Lois Flowers January 17, 2023
by Lois Flowers

Inside: My One Word for 2023 came to me much earlier than usual, and while I have a few thoughts about what it might mean, its true significance for the year ahead remains a mystery.

During the Christmas season, the part of the nativity story where Mary “kept all these things and pondered them in her heart” struck a different chord with me. (Luke 2:19, KJV)

I’ve always appreciated the reflective part of Mary’s personality. Until recently, though, I’d never thought about what she was actually contemplating.

I mean, yes—the shepherds, the angels, giving birth to the Son of God in a manger—certainly all of that. But what else? Both during that phase of her life and in the coming decades, when she had even greater things to ponder?

So Much to Think About

In my own season of motherhood, as one daughter nears high-school graduation and the other recently turned 21, I’m realizing that pondering is multifaceted. There’s so much to think about at any given moment: what’s going on right now, what might happen in the future, how did we get to this point, what it all means.

I can’t imagine the depth of Mary’s pondering during Jesus’ ministry, and especially following His death and resurrection. How does a mama even begin to process when all of that is happening right before her eyes?

A Different Kind of Pondering

Once Jesus ascended back into heaven, I’m guessing her pondering moved in a new direction: remembering. His words to great crowds, all the miracles, the quiet conversations they surely had along the way.

Did she remember these events with the Apostle John, who was given the privilege of caring for her in Jesus’ absence? If so, maybe that made the ponderings all the more poignant.

I’ve been thinking about all this lately because my new One Word for 2023 is—drum roll, please—remember.

Choosing Remember

My word for the next year usually slips into my awareness during the fall months. This one, though, first came to mind last summer. I briefly wondered if I was supposed to change my current word mid-year, but that didn’t feel right, so I stuck with dawn.

Meantime, remember continued to grow on me. As we took Molly’s senior pictures and helped her apply for scholarships. As we watched older sister Lilly bloom at college (an engaging, mature version of her carefree childhood self). As I put together an Instagram reel of Randy and the girls making Christmas cookies over the years.

By the time 2022 ended, remember had wrapped around my heart and mind like a soft, warm blanket. And yet, as with every word I’ve chosen since I began the practice in 2015, its significance in the year ahead remains a mystery.

What Will It Mean?

I wonder what remember will mean to me personally—the daughter of a mom who had Alzheimer’s, the mother of two girls at the cusp of adulthood, a wife of almost 29 years.

I wonder how it will influence my writing, especially my work on a book about losing both of my parents.

I wonder how it will impact my faith, as I uncover what the Bible says about remembering and reflect on God’s faithfulness in my life.

God Knows

I don’t know how all this will work out, but I do know this: God will go before me and be with me, come what may. (Deut. 31:8)

And He’ll do the same for you too, whether you are in a season of remembering or not.

• • •

Although my word for 2023 came to me earlier than usual, it’s taken me a while to write about it. Life has happened, as it often does. Just this week I’ve had opportunities to actively recall God’s past provision and protection while trying to trust Him for current needs. (God is already using remember in my life, in other words.)

But now I want to know about you. What role does remembering play in your life? Have you chosen a word to guide you this year? (Or do you prefer to read along with other people as they write about their One Words?) Please share in the comments.

♥ Lois

Once Jesus ascended back into heaven, I’m guessing Mary's pondering moved in a different direction: remembering. Share on X As with every word I’ve chosen since I began the practice in 2015, the significance of REMEMBER in the year ahead remains a mystery. Share on X

P.S. I’m linking up this week with OneWord2023, #tellhisstory, InstaEncouragements, Recharge Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee and Grace & Truth.

January 17, 2023 29 comments
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How to Be More Gracious in 2023: 6 Practical Tips

by Lois Flowers January 10, 2023
by Lois Flowers

Inside: A gentle response that could lower the temperature of contentious arguments, plus advice from my dad about how to become a more gracious person.

I once had a difficult conversation with my dad. The details aren’t important; the point is that our disagreement was intense.

My dad listened to all my arguments. Rather than rebut them with his own, he calmly said, “I don’t look at it that way.”

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January 10, 2023 28 comments
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God Will Guide Us as We Tackle Unfinished Business

by Lois Flowers January 3, 2023
by Lois Flowers

Inside: The beginning of a new year is the perfect time to buckle down and finish projects that have been loitering on our to-do lists for far too long. ~

Several months ago, Randy called us all together to help him with a project. We went around the house, room by room, making a list of all the home-improvement tasks large and small we needed to do. 

Randy had that list on the kitchen counter for several months. One by one, he checked things off. Get rid of dog scratches on all the interior doors—check. Add lighting in the attic—check. Put new vents in the bathrooms—check. Replace loose tiles on the kitchen floor—check. Install a hot-water circulation pump—check.

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January 3, 2023 33 comments
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Welcome

Welcome

As long as we’re here on planet Earth, God has a good purpose for us. This is true no matter how old we are, what we feel on any given day or what we imagine anyone else thinks about us. It can be a struggle, though, to believe this and live like it. It requires divine strength and eternal hope. And so I write, one pilgrim to another, in an effort to encourage us both as we navigate the long walk home together.

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